Hey everyone, please share your pesach Jokes here! And please no corny jokes

The reason the תנאים were in בני ברק and not ירושלים in the story in the הגדה is because whoever lives in בני ברק holds of the שיעורים and חומרות of the חזון איש and wouldn't eat at anyone else's house.

Fake news reports a new sighting - Tashlich in March. The head of each household stands by the toilet bowl with holy intent discarding all semblance of comets, with a prayer in cheek that the pipes don’t get clogged. 

As preparation, many people went streaming to the Mikva the day before to toivel their heilige Plunger!

Why did the matzah quit his job?
Because he didn’t get a raise

How many Pharaohs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he won’t let it go.

A lady calls the Rabbi at 10 pm.

Wife: "Rabbi!, we scattered ten pieces of bread around the house, and my husband only found nine of them. What should we do?"

Rabbi: Is the bread the size of kezayit

Wife: Yes.

Rabbi: So he has to find it!!

At midnight, she calls again.

Wife: Rabbi!, my husband has already dismantled all the closets, taken out the rugs, turned over the furniture, and nothing. He can not find the tenth piece of chalets!

Rabbi: There's nothing to do. He must search until he finds it.

2:00 am she calls again.

Wife: Dear Rabbi, we are all tired. My husband has searched 702 times as a gematria of Shabbat, searched on the roof, opened the plumbing, everything, and still has not found it. What can we do?

Rabbi: If it's a kazayit, there is no choice. He has to find it!

Wife: Can I at least give him a hint?

Source: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/yisroelwahl_a-lady-calls-the-rabbi-at-10-pm-wife-activity-6781098115526119424-iSA0/

Why the did the frog cross the road?

With gratitude to Hashem, I'd like to inform the oilam that I've just finished the entire shas, shisha sidrei mishnah and the four chalokim of shulchon oruch!

​I'd like to thank my wife for the constant push to achieve this!

someone sent me a picture of a person lying in a hospital bed in a full body cast, looking like a mummy.
the caption read:
"the last thing i remember was walking into the kitchen with a piece of bread"

last year (maybe two years ago? dont remember) the bennet government in Israel started falling apart because one female Knesset member in his coalition was upset that they were allowing chometz into hospitals on pesach. 
Rav Elya Ber Wachtfogel was quoted as saying that the government didnt take into account that women can get a little uptight about chometz around pesach time, and that led to their downfall 

on a serious note the woman you're referring to is idit silman, who very impressivly stood for her values and wouldn't let actual chometz be served to actual yiddin on pesach. kol hakovod

iwillmanage wrote on 27 Mar 2023 12:13:

For a minute there, My heart skipped a beat.....when will I finish Shas and Poskim? Thank you for inspiring me.....

THANKS

Why aren't we allowed to work on Chol Hamoed Peisech

Why shouldn't you tell jokes about Matzah?

A man comes home one night during Sefirah and asks his wife: What's for supper? 
She replies: Last night was chicken and rice.