I realized that most of the embarrassing things we do, we all do. I figured it would be funny if I listed some and any of you can share yours and we can all get a good laugh realizing we all do the same stuff:

1) "Klapping" selach on shabbos by mistake and immediately opening our hand and scratching our chest and arm for a really long time, maybe even sliding to other places like "oh! This itch wont let up!" Same with kissing our tefillin during krias shema by maariv.

2) When I daven for the amud I always check my phone or listen to the guy next to me to make sure I'm saying the right "yom" before blurting out the ending, even though I already know what day it is.

3) When we get caught staring through the car next to us's window we carefully continue to look in the same direction, just missing eye contact...like, "I wasnt looking at you pick your nose- I was intently staring directly at the spot of bird stuffs on the hood of your car"!

                                Grant

Whenever I see a car pulling into a handicapped spot I always watch to see JUST WHY he thinks he's handicapped. I'm always disappointed! He looks ok why does he think he deserves the special spot- what do I expect? The guy should open the door immediately fall out onto the pavement and start dragging himself by his elbows across the parking lot?!? Then we understand? 

You know that guy we all know who is obsessed with the fact that he's a kohen? Hes always like I'm Chaim HaKohen!....and insists they write "hakohen" on his driver's license?!? Well, he ain't getting my trumos and maasros! 

When, during חזרת הש״ץ the chazzan starts saying “...יעלה ויבא” and I try to convince myself that I really did remember to say it and don’t need to go back...
Same idea when, after getting hone very late from a wedding (or whatever), getting ready to say Hamapil and get that sinking feeling deep in my chest- “wait, did I daven Maariv yet?” and telling myself “No, I really did daven Maariv... So what I can’t remember where and when?”

Or starting to daven mincha and realizing that I already davened, I just did this last week when I was the tenth for the minyan so everyone wanted to know where I was going...

wilnevergiveup wrote on 09 Aug 2020 04:47:

Oh! That was you!....Just kidding! That's actually really funny!!! Thanx for sharing. 

This thread is really amusing. Yasherkoach. I'll add a couple:

• Standing up at the mi chamochah of maariv because I spaced out and thought it was shacharis and then staying standing as if to show others present that I just wanted to stand up.
• Taking a shopping basket at the grocery store, realizing that I am getting too many items and need the shopping cart, but being too proud to go back for the cart. Instead, I juggle embarrassingly the items until checkout.

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 10 Aug 2020 03:10:

Ha!! Basics. Basics. Basics. And how about saying "veyatziv" out loud by maariv and "ve'emuna" by shacharis?!?

Davening Mincha, coming to tachnun and using your right hand due to the habit of doing it by shachris 

Meyer M. wrote on 10 Aug 2020 05:33:

Yeah do it all the time, the trick is to pretend you are a lefty...

For you recently married guys, how many times after putting on Tefillin did you put your hat back on instead of putting your Tallis over your head?

There's been time, when I spaced out and thought the tzibbur was up to Shma.  So I cover my eyes.  Then realizing that I'm the only one, I "smoothly" switch to scratching my forehead. 

Dave M wrote on 10 Aug 2020 13:07:

It's crazy how we all get the same "itch" sometimes!   

Maariv, Nusach Sfard. Kaddish before Borchu ends, and I take 3 steps back to start Shmone Esrei...

Or making a turn even though I wanted to go straight, because my blinker was on by mistake and I didn't want the guy behind me to think that I'm not perfect. (Am I the only one who does that?)

Or stoping to read the sign in a store window as I'm cutting through their parking lot, so no one should think that I'm cutting,  I just need to see what time my nail salon opens..