A poor man named benny was searching through a garbage dump for something to eat and he came across an old hot water urn. He decided to take it home to try it out. When he rubbed a shmatta on it to try getting it clean, a genie popped out and granted him one wish. Being a desperately poor man, he wished for extreme wealth. The genie granted his wish.....on the condition that he would never shave his beard, with the stern warning that if he would so much as touch a hair, he would be killed by this very urn. Years later, the now rich Benny was having difficulty getting around with his feet constantly slipping on his overgrown beard. So, one day, he said to himself "what could really happen if i just shave off a bit" and without a second thought, he grabbed a razor and shaved off a sizable chunk of beard. Instantly, the urn rattled and fell off its shelf hitting Benny squarely on the head and killing him.
Always remember: 

Karl’s real name must be Benny. 
(check out his new avatar)

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift

peloni almoni wrote on 12 Aug 2015 03:56:

The inventor of the hokey pokey died. His funeral was quite interesting.
First they put his left foot in......

I  just did.
I was actually a nice read. Oh if i could live till 160 and be the wisest. I have so much that i would do!

Here's two of my favorite puns:
1. I'm dismayed because someone tore the fifth page out of my calendar. 
2. Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music.
He’ll be Bach.  

The grape didn’t say much when he got stepped on. 
He just let out a little wine. 

Why are rivers rich?

Some people say it's Gingerale, some people say it's Gingerkale, but everybody agrees it's Fresca!

I just bought a book about how to fix up your basement.

The chazzan in my shul is really frum.

I was just hired by a company that makes bicycle wheels.

Forward: Letter to the editor @ Community Connections based in Monsey NY who don’t have a clue how to write in English, and mailed out to the broad community. 

“Dear lucky women in special circumstances: please remember how much protection our offspring need and try as much to conceal your treasure. It is important to view yourself daily in the mirror and you may notice that the skirt you wore yesterday no longer covers your knees.

The rubber under your top is very attractive.

The size or style or knit top when viewed from side etc. looks very provocative.

There is a need to upgrade the wardrobe constantly even for the last week!

Do it for your own good and Shemira we so need, and it will surely bring an abundance of blessing!”

:::::::::::::::::::;:

Here’s my take on this 

1. You can’t use AI to translate Yiddish to English. 
2. Even if you manage to clean up the grammar, you can’t talk to any Jewish woman like this. It’s disgusting. 

Someone have the # for the Israeli embassy???
I’d ask them when they’re are done taking down Al Jazzeera, they should then do the same to this radical news station, and peace will return to this planet.

[Moderator. Thanks for not tampering with this post. It’s a direct quote from their publication. If you have any issues, track them down and do your job!!!!!]

Markz wrote on 22 Oct 2023 02:58:

Knowing the Monsey citizens, this was likely written and submitted by a woman.

Markz, for your very own well-being, I'd strongly advise that you give up your project of tracking them down, lest your front window become the location for their bullhorn protests.