A little lady called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said,

"Mount Sinai Hospital? Hello. Dahlink, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse, I want all the information, from top to bottom, from A to Z."

The voice on the other end of the line said, "Would you hold the line, please? That's a very unusual request." Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"

She said, "Yes, Dahlink! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."

He said, "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber --- Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, and her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."

The guy on the other end said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family."

She said, "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor don't tell me nothing!"

Very good. very jewish. thanks sci.

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.


2. All fools, after reading #1, will try it.

3. And discover that #1 is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're a fool.

5. You soon will forward this to another fool.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologize about this .

But I'm a fool and I needed company

Oh oh :o :o

I was too dumb to even try it! :-\
Or does that make me smart? :D
(American 'smart' to you Englanders)

aaaa ahahahahah. good one, guard, good one  ;D  ;D  ;D

>>>>From a marriage counselors diary -- how fights start…<<<<

*********

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

**************

A woman is standing, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible, I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

**************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200
in about 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

**************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....

  An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "They're getting divorced!," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says. "They're coming for Sukkos and paying their own airfares."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up and tell me, what do you see?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets around them, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you fool, it means that somebody stole our tent."

i like the last one. i read them all somewhere....  :-\

this is not funny but true

A guy in Paris saw a pit bull attacking a toddler.
He killed the pit bull and saved the child's life.

Reporters swarmed the fellow.
"Tell us! What's your name? All Paris will love you! Tomorrow's headline will be: "Parisian Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!"
The guy says, "But I'm not from Paris.

"Reporters: "That's OK. Then the whole of France will love you and
tomorrow's headline will read: 'French Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'"
The guy says, "I'm not from France, either."

Reporters: "That's OK also. All Europe will love you. Tomorrow's
headlines will shout: 'European Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'"
The guy says, "I'm not from Europe, either.

"Reporters: "So, where ARE you from?
The guy says, "I'm from Israel.

"Reporters: "OK. Then tomorrow's headlines will proclaim to the world:

'Israeli Kills Girl's Dog!'"

Sad and sooooooooooooooooo true!!!! :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

yechida wrote on 30 Dec 2009 20:34:
You had me and my wife both on the floor!! Thanks, keepm coming!!

ark321 wrote on 30 Dec 2009 23:04:


I know you weren't talking to me, but my wife knows about GYE, although she doesn't know my user name; if she did, I'd have to be a lot more careful about what I write!   :D

Yes I do, and when I read her your post, she said "Tell them I'm a proud supporter"!!

wow good for you. as it happens my wife called me today and asked me what Guardureyes is? she saw on webchaver that i had been going to this site! i had to somehow wangle out of it