TrYiNg wrote on 17 Nov 2009 06:54:


Just a bissel subjective there tRyInG...?!

I raly feel like im missing out on the fun. Cuz everytime Rage posts a link my k9 wony allow me to access it. But like i said before- beeter safe than sorry. So for now i cant have even the kosher stuff. But if this works for me its all worth it. And so far it has.

Imtrying, I have the same problem. I have a white-list filter and I can't see any of the hundreds of links people post on the forum. Believe me, it's a lot BETTER-SAFE-THAN-SORRY. Another Korbon on the alter of your heart for Hashem!

The Silent Treatment..

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM '

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

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WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws''

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WOMEN'S REVENGE..

'Cash, cheque or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?'
I asked.

'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

------------------------------------------------------------------

W O R D S..

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

------------------------------------------------------------------

CREATION..

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me.

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !!!

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WHO DOES WHAT..

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'

The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'

That's how it typically works between the guys from Mars & the woman from Venus, what you think is funny we take as insults and vis versa.

The work in marriage is to try to understand the opposites viewpoint.

Efshar i noticed you have five stars next to your name. IS that something new? Oh and btw you never got back to me on my offer for an invite when you come to the holy land.

TrYiNg wrote on 16 Nov 2009 14:28:


Created equal?
Didn't Hashem make you out of a peice of our ***??
Of course you improved.
Don't get much worse than that.
Ask rage

A Letter from Men to Women

To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:

The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.

When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer.

In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.

If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.

I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.

Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.

If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.

Thank you for your understanding,
From all men.

Courses Women Should be REQUIRED to take...


Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

Parties: Going Without New Outfits

Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.

Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

Introduction to Parking

Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

Water Retention: Fact or Fat

Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

PMS: Your Problem... Not His

Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

TV Remotes: For Men Only

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ?

Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.........


My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, 'What did you steal?'

She replied, 'A can of peaches.'

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, 'I will then give you 6 days in jail.'

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, 'What is it?'

The husband said, 'She also stole a can of peas.'

Nope, can't believe I'm doing this....

A man was at his wife's funeral, when the coffin was suddenly bumped into a wall on its way out to the cemetery. Noise was heard from inside the coffin and when they checked, the wife was moving! She was eventually revived and lived on for years.
Ten years later she passed away.
After the funeral, her coffin was being carried out. As the pall bearers neared a corner, the old man yelled out: "Hey! Watch the corner!"

...can't believe I did that.

Dov, what's your wife's e-mail? I want to tell her you posted that  >    ;D

> >> A French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
> >> take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for
> >> work in six weeks..'
> >>
> >> A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one
> >> person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
> >>
> >> The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we
> >> can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them
> >> both looking for work in two weeks.'
> >>
> >>
> >> An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind. We
> >> recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois , put him in the White
> >> House, and now half the country is looking for work.'