Come fly with me as I fly higher!
My Story

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138.124.eagle@gmail.com

thank you so much for your kind words. i will share my full story later i am just exausted now. but inshort, traumatized as a child,beat up through school years by parents to get me to go to school, and i didnt want to go because all classmates made fun of me and excluded me from all class games, so who would want to go to school. how was it dealt with? principal came to my house in the morning and togehter with father literally dragged me out odf bed and into the car, to school and locked me up in principals office. hell on eartgh. i grew up and was super kadosh in shmiras einayim my whole life. one day i went to a knisiologist, when i was about 22 and she told me that my neshama sex drive is blocked and all my shmiras einayim was just from anxiety. she did some hocus pocus, waved her hands over my eyes and told me that now she cleared the neshama block. i went back to israel and exploded, that was the end of my shmiras einayim. then some doc told me to go to s.a., and unfortunately some shares are too explicit, and i found out where in israel there are open computers. i got terribly involved. but i recovered by focusing on a half hour daily prayer to hashem to help me, and getting busy with good things, listening to shiurim, researching a torah topic, and then feeling good about myself. i am doing much better than i was back then, but i still have not made it for more than a few weeks without being mzl. this is the story in short. i feel bad talking about myself so much, but this is only part of it. i didn't even say everything that happened to me. what i mentioned about school years was not one isolated event. this happened throughout fourth grade mainly, but it is alm olst unheard of that the school principal comes to the house and together with father breaks through locked bedroom door on numerous ocassions. and on a few different occassions my teacher would come with his van with 18kids, and he would drag me into his van and my own classmates would sit on me. on one occasion i jumped out of the principals car at 40 miles an hour on way to school. additionally, i would faint in school, and developed seizures from the anxiety. one time i didn;t go to school, and my mother locked me in my room for a week with a bread and water diet as punishment. my therapist told me, "you were not a trouble making kid, you were a kid in major trouble desperate for hell and your parents and principal etc. didn;t help you." i know this sounds like a fictious horror movie, but i swear in gods name that this happened to me shimon e. we are all going through the struggle together but you gotta admit that this is a little insane what i went through, and thank god in my later years it was just porn use (which is awful but relatively speaking) and not drug use or worse. a few rabbis asked me how i stayed frum religious after all that, and i said that it is my burning desire to be close to god. the work we are doing is not for the faint of heart that is for sure.