lamed vavnik wrote on 25 Oct 2009 19:39:
What game? I thought you were all making this stuff up! ;D

Seriously (if that's allowed here), I'm with you reb 36. I can't look up any jokes anywhere, can't use Youtube, and can't use the web for curiosity or fun. It's just business. Except for this goofy forum. And life is pretty good from "down here", so far! Nu, I'm with you in the sandbox. Maybe we'll finger paint with reb Kutan!!

Since I'm supposed to be working...  :-\

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

The world is divided into people who do things--and people who get the credit.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.

Working gets in the way of living.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Michael Cain said

Be like a duck.

Calm on the surface

but paddling like the dickens underneath


Herman Wouk said

Income Tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today


And this this is what Bill Vaughan said about New Year's Eve

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in

A pessimist stays up to make sure the old one leaves



and this one is more serious and very true

hard to absorb when you feel down.

"Failure is an event,never a person"

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of
natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground
easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

This reminds me of the addiction!

Guard! YOUR AVATAR IS HILARIOUS! ;D ;D ;D


ever get an error message just when you were about to go somewhere innapropriate?

A few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...

• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

• BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

• Close your eyes and press escape three times.

• File not found. Should I fake it?

• Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

• Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now?

• Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it?

Hey, Welcome C2T!

Have you already gotten an official welcome from Reb Guard? 

Oh! you got one already?! When?

I see! you say not for this name or new ID of yours but in your previous Gilgul.

I Get it.

Hey C2T, have you seen the rules of the forum? I had to edit your post and shorten the name of the guy to "doug k". Sorry.

;D ;D ;D

The economy is so bad that (click here to see)

HOW DID A POLLACK KILL A FISH?  HE DROWNED IT ;D ;D ;D
HOW DID A POLLACK DIE RACKING LEAVES?  HE FELL OUT OF A TREE  ;D ;D ;D
A 2 SEATER JET CRASHED INTO A CEMETERY IN POLAND. WHEN THE POLICE GOT THERE, THEY ANNOUNCED THAT 2000 PEOPLE HAD BEEN KILLED  ;D ;D ;D

Wow for a newbie you're remarkably  up to date on old posts!

y'know, c2c, i have a feeling lotsa people could gain from you. post more, k?

The problem with a kitten is that when it grows up its always a cat.

Cry2Tatty wrote on 09 Nov 2009 17:40:



:-[ :-[ :-[

Problem is that Guard gets all his great lines from me, and then posts them as his own

But Im going to delete my repeat blooper; leaving c2t looking a bissel lame.
Sorry, yeh, really. ;D

These are things people actually said in court word for word. I am dedicating these to cry2tatty, who I hope does not sue me for this...

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do..

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you serious?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death..

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral..

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

lol!

Ouch!

Are you guys even now? or there's more fun to look forward to?