Giving kabbalistic advice at the airport is a segulah to get baret on gye.

Also if you are a wannabe kabbalist make sure that the advice includes crying and mikvas. Optimally it should include something about giving tzedakah to the upkeep of R' Shimon bar Yochais kever too (you can get a percentage) and then say some words that don't make too much sense.

Example: b'zchus this, a demon might go bring the nitzotzos to bes di shel maylah on nittul nacht.

I know of a family that was robbed. With a traumatized wife and children who were afraid to live in their own home, this guy went to a Rebbe. The Rebbe explained to them that because a goy came into their house with evil intentions, he left a tumah which is impairing the woman and her children's ability to function properly. All you need to do now [and I don't remember the segula so I'm making up my own] is place black jellybeans in all corners of each room, then light a candle which was used for a mitzvah [preferably Chanuka, but ner shabbos or bedikas chametz is also okay b'dieved] and go from room to room reciting Yosheiv B'seiser, when done, wash off the jellybeans [optional] and eat them...

The Rebbe is a good psychologist...

Shvartze Lecht?



and you need to toivel the JB's

it's been over a month and my inner mystic is feeling decidedly unmystical.

can we get some scintillating mystical incantations that produce gourmet lunches and .....

An evil clock predicting the rise of voodoo teddy bears

please contact The Secret Society of Red-headed Teddy Bear Socialist Nomenclature

When you do that, ask them for the number of The Public Service for Giraffes With Personality Disorder, there have been some cases of roaring giraffes sighted!!!

Eagles Who Spontaneously Oink Support Federation 1-800-STOPOINKING

"We have recently discovered some alarming news that the famous support group EWSOTSF has been hiding. While dealing with one of their most severe cases (guess who), and being pressured beyond normal, one of the employees let out the secret. Yes, EWSOTSF was opened by the PSGPD!! The reason being that they could not accept that there was such a thing as a mighty eagle who would be able to come to such a level of humility to realize that he was no better than a pig. Unlike the Giraffe, who gravitated towards ROAR, beleiving he was as great as the Lion.

Due to this alarming discovery we have opened a new Hotline to continue OINKing-1800 GOOINKY"

-The Machnovker Times

eagle+giraffe+roar-oink=* guard your eyes =* achdus b'yisroel, v'b'chayot haolam. See tz isn't the only one who knows gematria.


As I write this abie rottenberg's "it had to be hashem" came on:
"Taught the birds to sing their song, made the giraffes neck real long, even taught us right from wrong, had to be Hashem, had to be Hashem."

Birds' song, giraffes, (gye=) taught us right from wrong.


Kabbalah at it's finest.


*results are roughly correct. Very very roughly correct. Maybe.

inastruggle wrote:


if you change it from -oink to +OINK (as everyone is supposed to be oinking) and change +roar to -roar, it will work out perfectly*!




*better chance at least

very very rough better chance at being maybe correct = snowman in August winning oinking contest

The Oinkland Athletics...

Oinklando Florida

Cleveland Oinkhio

OinkADoodleMoo Smoky BBQ, Far Hills Avenue, Dayton, OH

oinkihoin b'savarhoin verhavser soinkiyai boinkeesu


Say it five times fast, it's a segulah for growing eagle's wings

sounds more like a legalese disclaimer on a chinese synthetic lulav