Thank G-d, my lust addiction is fairly mild. My biggest problem is not looking at women on the street. And even that, all the women in my neighborhood are dressed tznius (which makes it harder to think there's anything wrong). I feel like I've been standing still in this struggle for years. Even though I may hear an inspiring thought, I don't change for more than five minutes from it.
I finally had a realization that has made a difference, for more than five minutes. It's not ninety days yet, but at least a few days.
I used to view this struggle as fighting the ONE aveira of looking at women. Whether I was succeeding or sliding, it was only ONE aveira I was fighting with.
I recently opened the beginning of Shaarei Teshuva recently. I've read it before, but somehow it struck me harder this time. It describes the benefits of doing Teshuva earlier than later. And one thing it says is--each time a person transgresses, even if it's the same averia, it's counted as separate aveirahs.
Then, I thought. I could easily see a hundred women on the street in the course of a day.
...Then, after a while, I remembered the beginning of Sefer Chofetz CHaim, how each word of Loshon Hara is really multiple aveirahs. I figured this is no different. I figured that the glances throughout the day can add up to about a million aveirahs in three years.
Secondly, I used to think that keeping one's eyes on the ground was a tactic to use in case there happened to be a woman coming the other way on the street. Put your eyes down quick before you see! I just recently realized that, since I am hyper-sensitive, if my eyes are up I WILL notice. For me, if my eyes are up it's the same as looking at women because I'm tuned in to it.
With these two realizations, I've been having much more success than ever before walking down the street.
