Welcome to the GETTING THE URGE OUT OF YOUR HEAD thread.


Purpose of this thread:
Provide all GYE members with a large array of tricks and tactics to sidestep, forget, and in general overcome THE URGE.


THE URGE    a definition:
The urge is defined as the feeling that I want (for whatever reason) to be mz"l r"l right now.
The urge can come on from natural body function, hirhurim, addiction, depression, worry, sadness or a million other things.  What's important to realize is that an urge is an urge no matter where it comes from.
You can push it away, and it might come back again a few minutes later.  It can come back fifty times in the course of the day.  Each time you push it away is a separate victorious battle.
Each time is a DIFFICULT battle.



Rules for posting:
Please post all good ideas that you use when confronted with A STRONG urge.
Please do not post jokes on this thread.  Please do not use this thread for conversations with your friends at GYE.  Please stick to the subject.  Let's keep it as readable as possible.
 

Telling yourself... I'll do it... TOMORROW.
Eye once posted that he had to tell himself that he'll do it 3x tomorrow before the YH let him alone. :D

The idea is living one day at a time.  Once your mind is focused on only making it through 24 hrs, it is easier.

When the next day comes, use yesterday to say... hey, I made it through OK,  I can do it today too.


I know that  this idea by itself is likely not enough... but it is part of a gameplan.

when feasible it can sometimes help to open a web browser and head over to GYE

Another idea that I have learned from veterans on the forum is to focus on the fact that feelings are just that! they are not REAL.  They do not represent reality, necessarily.

So I tell myself:
  self,  :o HELLO, SELF ARE YOU THERE!...  > yes, as I was saying, your current feelings are warped. They feel real, but they are not. You have seen it again and again in your past and in others, so, kindly please, ignore the urge, it will NOT make you happier to follow it. stay cool  8) it will pass.

I know no jokes allowed, but sometimes, I laugh it off. I learned this from Dov Shlita. I say, hey, there goes the nutty side of kutan again! what'd'y'know! still coming up with these craaazy urges or ideas!  ;D ;D ;D

and sometimes  , I just beg Hashem... 

Lately I have been phoning/txting/emailing/chatting with other chevra. The Yetzer Horah thrives on isolation. He loves depression. I love shmoozing. i love connection. By communicating with others, I am 'connecting' to them, thereby getting my craving for 'emotional fulfillment' taken care in that way, so there is no room left for the Y"H to convince that his method will make feel good....!!!

1st off, you have to understand that in order to get away from the urge you have to (at least) actively think/understand/want to get away from the urge. basically the 1st step is to take it from just an urge and turn it into a fight.
after it is a fight WE DONT FIGHT WITH THE YETZER (unless its last resort) when you fight you can easily entice yuorself even more. once you turn it into a fight just use your middos tovos. if i was fighting with any other jew, id say sorry im not fighting, jews dont fight and just walk away. over with the yetzer, say im not fighting, i dont want to have this urge so im gona to just walk away with my same opinion of not wanting it. and just say no

to sum up.
1 turn it from a passive thought/ urge into a fight.
2 realize that addicts dont fight with it.
3 just walk away with you original bias opinion of not wanting to. be stubborn

yes its harder done then said.
any question comments ect PM me

Any more ideas rabosai??

w

well sexual energy IS a form of energy,so they say that exercise can be good for helping one control himself. this is more of long term advice though

put on some really good jewish music

Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic.

No thank you, SMF, I want to revive this great thread.

If I feel I am about to mast****e, I call someone from GYE or SA and connect and talk about it. That gets the idea out of my head. If I can't call, like on Shabbos, I speak to Hashem in English.[color=black] And if I don't do one of those things and I am motze z"l  :'(  I have to go to Meron for 5 hours and tell my wife why I am going :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[  .

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I agree, this is a good thread to revive -

Sometimes it has worked for me to prepare myself for specific situations before I get into them.  Like when I have known that a certain set of hours I would be free and probably tempted,  I would take some time before I got there planning my time and what I would do to make it productive, fun, and at least not destructive for myself. 

For me this didn't work for more than a few days at a time, but it can sometimes buy time until a better plan is reached

On the subject of preparing for a dangerous time, d_teddybear started a great thread about taking a shower and staying clean :D . One good idea was to update the 90 day chart or call a friend immediately before and after the shower. This can be used for any similar dangerous situation.

My favorite tool for getting the thoughts out of my head is ignoring them. I have discovered that I really am the ba'al habos of my head...sometimes.

If that does not work, I make sure to try and do the diametric opposite of whatever my lust is: Meaning, instead of worshipping or sexually devouring the person or image or whatever, I pause and pray (with actual spoken words, in private) for the person or instituion involved me'umka deliba as best I am able right then. Not for them to 'finally see the light and stop being so provocative or promiscuous' - that judgementalism poisons me no matter how much my morality agrees with it. It is more than useless. Rather, I daven that Hashem should give them health and comfort in this life and whatever is afterward, and that He grant them a progressive awareness of Him and of all the good in their lives, and that He give them clarity in how all the good in their lives comes from Him, and that he even grants them acceptance that all the hard times they may have in their long futures is a gift from Him somehow, and that they also have peace of mind to really do right by themselves and by G-d. Then I may ask for all the same for me: Health, Comfort, Progressive awareness of Him in my life, and Peace of mind.

If that does not work - and sometimes even if it does - the best tool of all for me is to openly share all the dirty and stupid thoughts I tend to have with another safe person. I am careful to say it in a non-exciting way (no need to show off and splash dirt all over him, is there?) but still directly and truthfully - with Hashem's help.

As long as I am ashamed of what gets into my mind and as long as I say to myself stuff like, "How could I ever have thought such a horrible thing!?" - I will keep thinking stuff like that.

If I really know that I am a sick person getting well, then I will accept goofy thoughts as just that: goofy. I will take them as seriously as I need to take goofy, stupid thoughts....not very. And I will move past them with Hashem's help. On the other hand, if I am too ashamed to admit them, then I am too ashamed to believe that I am sick. It means I really believe that I am evil, ie. bad. Good luck getting 'good'! : Deep down inside, these folks are too ashamed to admit their evil thoughts even to Hashem! I believe that's why they can never 'get good'. Hmmm...

A sick person may have shame about his rear-end discomfort when sitting, but eventually he will get truly comfortable discussing all the details of his embarrassing hemmorroids with whoever he really has to discuss them with. Totally comfortable, eventually. Because he admits that he has a problem - that he is sick, not disgusting. I have seen this many times. (I actually do have a friend with hemmoroids who had such a hard time getting the words out of his mouth to describe his exact problem! And we are very close! Nu. Once he got it out, he freely discusses it with me and I have helped him discuss it openly with two doctors already. Boruch Hashem!

Same for most sex and lust addicts - and even for guys who just have porn habits but are not really addicts: They cannot seem to get the words "I masturbate" out of their mouths! Once they get the truth out, just see what people have posted on GYE about the relief of discovering they are not alone! I masturbate in my addiction too! And it's horrible for me when I do that - but especially when I do all the tinkgs that led me up to the masturbation.

See, for normal yidden, talking it out makes it worse, by far. There is a reason that "it's a shanda! Nu! Shaa!" is part of our culture. There is certainly a place for that mentality and approach to lust.

But for people who are already doing it over and over for a while and with a trance, planning and proccupation and a repeated pattern; who feel withdrawal when they quit and other cyclical mishega'as...well, they have a problem and may be addicts. And they need help. You cannot get help without talking explicitly about it, can you?

But I, and addict, am free of it this day, and am happy to share with anybody who wants to get better how that happened.)

Exact same thing here. I am a recovering pervert. Iv'e got a tendency to have strange and goofy sex (and other) thoughts, let's face it. It doesn't mean I need to act them out. And I need help.

This last tool is precious gold to me and has saved my life, sanity and yiddishkeit a thousand times over!

Thanks for giving me a setting to share that, World!

Thanks for posting again and again. I really want what you have. Thanks for helping me slowly get there.

With health , Comfort, progressive awareness of Hashem in our lives and Peace of Mind.

dov wrote on 12 Apr 2011 21:27:


Thank YOU for sharing.
I don't know how you post so long.
It took me four different logins to read your whole post.
Important insights.  Thanks Dov.