Let me get right to the point.  Chazal tell us that those born in a certain Mazal (Maadim) will have a tendency towards spilling blood.  This can be channeled for the good, e.g. becoming a Mohel, Schochet, or physician.  Alternatively, it can be channeled for the bad, c"v.

For those of us who have difficulties with our attraction towards women (whether they be real women or images), why not channel this desire to the learning of areas of Torah that relate to Nashim?  There is a lot to keep us busy: seven Mesechtos of Mishnayos and Gemarah, not to mention Tosefta and Yerushalmi, all with their respective Meforshim.  In addition, there is the Nashim section of the Rambam's Yad Hachazakah, and Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer.

In other words, my friends, there is a perfectly Kosher way to spend our lives involved with Nashim.  Crack open that Mishnayos Kedushin.  Immerse yourself in Gemarah Gittin.  Start a Seder in Tosefta Sotah or Yerushalmi Kesuvos.  The opportunities are vast.  What are we waiting for?

That's a nice way of looking at it, but I also see what you are saying in a bit of a different light. Our desire for Nashim stems from a desire deep in our souls to want closeness, love, intimacy, etc... These very middos can be channeled to Hashem to let us achieve the deepest and most profound levels of "d'veikus"... As David Hamelech writes: Tzama Nafshi le'elokim, Kama lecha Besari, etc... This Yesod can be found in many Seffarim, especially from the ba'al Shem tov.

As far as seder Nashim, I do indeed think that learning these Mesechtas can be a tikkun and a channel for the light of the Torah to make the appropriate tikkunim in the areas that we struggle with. So thank you for sharing that!

Kedusha,

Rav Yisroel Salanter would be proud of your idea.  He discusses this idea in his iggeres hamussar.  His reasoning was slightly different than the way you described here.  But same basic concept. Beautiful.

B"H, after I picked myself up (five months ago), I was zoche to immerse myself in kiddushin (which I made a siyum on) and keuvos (still working on it).  This was together with shulchan aruch, when time permitted.  It gave me tremendous chizzuk and growth.

Guard is also right.  Obviously, we are not supposed to devote the bulk of our time to reciting tehillim and prayers all day (Even though I overextended my boundaries in this area during my first few months).  But we need to always maintain the proper perspective as Guard says, even during learning.  On top of that to devote times in the day when we say tehillim and express ourselves heart to heart to Hashem.  This is very powerful.  If we don't set aside those hours, it will never happen. 

May we all be zoche to continue growing in kedusha and ruchniyus

Tehillim can be great, but I wasn't even talking about that. I meant even when we feel the passion of lust, or when we saw something we shouldn't, we can channel all our love and desire instead to Hashem!!

Thank you, R. Guard and Yaakov.  I'm not sure I have Iggeres Hamussar handy - if you get a chance, Yaakov, could you briefly summarize what Rav Yisrael Salanter says?

The idea just seemed so intuitive.  I too have a Seder in Meseches Kiddushin.

guardureyes wrote on 03 Jul 2009 10:45:

1)The time should never come again when I feel that passion of lust. I was blessed five good months free of those thoughts. May it only continue. 
2)Either way, this is not what kedusha was referring to here.  He was not discussing how to deal with a moment of nisayon. Guard, it seems like you are giving an eitza how to deal with thoughts during a nisayon.  Is that right?
3) What do you do to channel you love and desire to Hashem?  For me, I do that through tehillim.  What do you do? Sing Yedid Nefesh?  just think?  Learn Torah?  I would love to learn from you and others how to express and build this love.

Kedusha,
1) when I get a chance, I will try to elaborate on the iggeres hamussar.  But if you want, it is printed in Ohr Yisroel.
2  Please inform us when you make a siyum on kiddushin.
3)  Another great idea is to learn Hilchos yichud B'Iyun(which is at the end of kiddushin).  I learned Yichud during the two weeks before pesach .  It gave me tremendous chizzuk.  Another great idea is learning Hilchos Shemiras Eynayim B'Iyun. 

Mishnayos

The learning of Mishnayos in general is connected to the midao of Yesod. It is the foundation of the Torah Sh'Beal Peh. Yosef haZaddik is described as riding in the Merkeves HaMishne - Mishna.

For anyone interested in the Perek Yomi schedule, one site that promotes it is this:
www.mishna.org.il

Particularly the Girsa of Mishna, whether Beal Peh or with a sefer can bring very powerful kedusha.
The segula of 18 prakim a day is a great rectification of this area of purity of thought. A mishna learned beal peh can be an automatic reply to a bad sight.

For anyone interested in a sefer especially suited for Girsa and wide-breadth learning and Chazoring of Mishna - A Sefer called Mishna Sdura is perfect.
Details can be found here (in hebrew)
www.mishnasdura.org.il/

This is going to sound really weird, but while I was still heavily addicted, I was triggered by many things I read in some of those mesechtos. At this point, I don't think I would have any problem, but some it is possible that some people should stay away from these mesechtos (at least for the time being).

It's not weird at all. I once posted in the name of the Ba'al Shomer Emunim zt"l, that many people like us, can't even look in these mesechtos. It's all one big trigger.

I see, but for many it's completely different when they're learning.

In regard to R' Guards comment above about channeling our attraction towards a love to Hashem, this is exactly the approach which is attributed to the Baal Shem Tov. It's written in the name of the Baal Shem Tov that if a person feels drawn towards lustful thoughts of a beautiful woman, he should immediately connect himself (and his thoughts) to the maker of the women - knowing that this is the source of all beauty. It is then that he can use these thoughts as a channel by which to connect to Hashem.

2B

i relate to the idea of limud nashim as a trigger . i once heard that in chassidisheh yeshivos they don't do some parts . maybe you could find out which pages to avoid . but i totally relate to the idea of torah as the  ultimate connection .the idea is developed in "Pathways to personal growth- 17 letters from an older  brother"  . a good source book for some basic ideason this subject of fighting the yetzer.

lamed-vavnik; I think you mean in the mesivtos or with yunger bochurim who are not married - when a guy is older or marreid, i think he's mechuyav to learn just as any other gemora(except if it will for sure make him nicshal, then it might takeh be assur). With me, it's a mixed bag - sometimes I'm able to not have any taivos when learning noshim, other times I get distracted, and ill learn certain sugyas and taqk them too far, ignoring the lomdus and thinking about tyhe 'ma'asim' involved in the sugyos - this is what happened to me when i was learning the first 3 perakim of kesuvos this past year. Butr if you get really arengton in a tosfos, it'll be easier to focus on the lomdus and sevaros than on the maysoh the gemora is discussing. I think every yeshiva learns noshim(except brisk, lol), since many of the 'yeshivishe' mesechtos are in noshim(gittin, kesuvos, etc.) just some might skip some selections, but if you do, then you cant make a siyum.

On The Road wrote on 13 Sep 2009 17:29:


Whatever works for each individual.

I've never learned stuff in Nashim that could be triggers. I've learned the more "tame" stuff that doesn't get into details and the like, but I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable approaching that stuff at this point. I really don't know how I'd react to it.