I just finished reading a book called "The Five Love Languages" and wanted to share what I've learned from it.
Basically the author says that every person has an "emotional tank" and when this tank gets empty people feel unhappy.
The book is mainly about people in relationships. Author writes that when people first fall in love, they experience an emotional high. They view their partner as perfect. This emotional love only lasts for 6 months to 2 years and after it is gone, the partners begin to see each other for who they really are.
He also writes that there are 5 different ways that people express and receive love:
-Acts of Service
-Gifts
-Touch
-Quality Time Together
-Words of Appreciation
He says that most of the people have 1 or 2 primary ways how they receive and give love. If they don't receive love in this particular way, their emotional tanks get empty and they feel unhappy.
Often times married people try to express love in one or two ways that are natural to them, while their partners, are expecting to receive love, and trying to transmit love in one or two ways that are natural to them.
For example a husband would work really hard to earn money, and fix things around the house (acts of service) thinking that this should show his wife how much he loves her.
While she would keep on complaining that she "doesn't feel like he loves her" because her primary language of love is touch(warm hugs) and quality time together (or his undivided attention).
Author also suggest that in his 20 years as a family counselor he would witness again and again how marriages would come to life after partners would re-learn to express their love for each other in a way that they both understand.
I just wanted to share it with everybody, because I think it applies a lot to us Sex Addicts, since chances are our wives emotional tanks have been on empty for a while.
But our own emotional tanks probably have been pretty empty as well as the result of our bad choices...
Anyway, I really like this book, and highly recommend it.
P.S. Author says that one common mistake that men make is to assume that their primary language of love is touch just because they enjoy sex. He says it is natural for man to enjoy sex, but it is also very possible that touch is not their primary language of love. So unless you really enjoy hugging people, shaking hands and stuff like that, touch may not be your primary language.
