It's a great feeling, getting to 90 days clean, I want to document my journey and what helped me.

I had started the 90 day chart in November, but I kept falling. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I would go for a few week's-and then fall, a few week's-then a fall.

Then I realized what I had to do- I had to not make it an all or nothing-I told myself "you can fall 3 times over the next 3 months. You can do them whenever you want, but only three times."

Needless to say that's really what did it for me-giving me that little bit of breathing space created a world of difference for me. I fell once in the first month, but because I didn't have to go back to day one, that gave me the boost to keep on going.

Before I started this, I would fall once, then I would think "what the heck, I fell today, I might as well do it a few more times before I have to start over again tomorrow." Then I'd do it it 3-4 more times THAT DAY!

This way I had an incentive to stop myself after that first time, and that gave me the strength to complete the rest of it. Whenever I had a pull I'd say to myself "you only have 2 more times to fall, why not save it for some other time." And that was enough.

The one thing I can say to all those people still struggling is that it gets so much easier after you hit day 30. I guess your brain's been wired enough that you've built up enough willpower to stop yourself.
The other thing I can say is that it is absolutely essential to have a strong learning seder-particularly of things you enjoy learning. I learn Daf Yomi, and that give me an extra boost to just keep it all out of my mind, and make me stronger.

I also can't stress how much better my relationship with my wife has become, now that I see her as the only woman-really-in the world.

May we all have the strength to keep our desires where they belong-channeled towards our Avodas Hashem!!

CleanIsrael, great post! I'm at day #2 so I didn't experience a fall yet but I'll keep your 3 time allowance in mind. I know that this will be a tough one and your idea makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing it with us!

Mazel Tov.

What we resist persists.  When we overwhelm ourselves and tell ourselves we have to be clean for 90 days,
it gives the pressure a lot of power.  And if we're also addicted to failure, it's a sure sign
we will act out.  The reason this worked is you gave yourself permission (you admitted you
were powerless) over this addiction.  By giving yourself permission and accepting
reality you took the wind out of the sails of the YH.

Great job.
Elya