Dear forum members,

Posting each day has really helped me.  I am now nine days clean.  Two days ago I was miliseconds away from falling but thinking about the forum picked me up. 

Today I learned:
It is important to treat women with respect.  I also reinforced inside myself the detrimental effects on physical and psychological levels that spilling zerah has.

May we all be zoche to keep growing everyday and really shteig in this area of life.
Remember to love yourself and love all your emotions.

TrueRatzon.

Dear members of the forum,

Baruch Hashem I have ten clean days under my belt and I hope it can keep growing to eleven days after today and by the time shabbos is over it will iy"H be 13 clean days. 

Today I learned two things:
Mussar study is very important so that we stay focussed on our important goals of becoming closer to Haseh.  Becoming more aware of Hashem during mundane moments like walking down the street or while logging onto the internet is a crucial way to keep us smart and careful.

I also learned that a person should learn to recognize a passion he may have.  Meaning, when a person is overcome with a lustful or even loving feeling upon seeing a woman he should realize that this is an attribute of ahava that he owns that exists deep down and wants to be channeled toward ahavas Hashem, ahavas Yisrael and ahavas HaTorah. 

The bottom line is that we should always be proud of ourselves and never feel that we have any inherent negative qualities.  It's all a matter of standing up to the yeitzer harah and saying I'm a good person who deep down wants to be good and serve Hashem and I'm going to pass the tests that you send my way.

Have a great preparation for lag ba'omer and enjoy shaving tomorrow.


TrueRatzon.

Dear members of the forum,

Consistency is the name of the game.  Gotta run because it's erev shabbos.  TOday I learned the importance of cheshbon hanefesh.

I truly hope to keep going on my streak and start to feel like a true eved of Hashem.

Gut Shabbos to all!

TrueRatzon

I am happy for you that you seem to be making progress and learning some important things along the way.

Shabbat Shalom.

DEar hoping for change and others.

Thanks for your encouragement, I defintely feel that accumulating all these posts and having feedback from others is really piling up and helping me sustain a respectable mark of 13 days.
Tonight, late at night on la"g ba'omer I learned:
  1.) A shabbos in Lakewood that I just experienced was inspiring and it's worthwhile for me to keep the chizuk going.
  2.) One should always be mindful of potential upcoming nisyonos.
  3.) If one's taiva for nashim is less on shabbos then why not try to make the weekdays
      have that same aura?

TrueRatzon.

Dear members of the forum,

Today is Monday May 3, 2010.  Although the forum has a virus and is not currently servicing our heilig community I felt I needed to create a journal entry on my own word document and eventualy copy and paste it into a forum post. 
Yesterday and today have been tough days in shmiras einayim.  I have had lustful feelings and I can’t seem to convice myself that ma*tur*ation is bad for me and will make me feel really really bad.  For some reason taiva kicks in and I refuse to see any harm or prohibition of ma*tur*ation.  I really hope to keep fighting and reach very high goals and streaks.  Please Hashem, help me be kadosh today and help me follow the mitzvah of v’lo sasuru acharei eineichem. 
Today the taiva welled up to the point where I gave in and had a slip because I briefly looked at non tznius images.  I stopped myself before m*as***ation occurred so I didn’t consider it a fall.  I banged on the table where the computer was situated and I said, no!, not me, not today, it’s just not happening today, I am not breaking my streak.  This helped me break free and allowed me to feel like I can start on a clean slate and just move forward b’taharah.
Anyway, this is my experience for today, by the time this is on the forum I will have said, baruch Hashem the forum is back, until then hang in there everyone.  Good job at hanging in there-by the time you’ve read this the forum was back!

TrueRatzon.




Dear members of the forum,
Well the forum is still not up and running.  I’m not going to hang the blame of my fall that I had yesterday on the virus that GYE got, but it may have contributed to it.  It just goes to show you that you really need to be strong on your own and not rely on outside sources for help.
So there you have it, I though the previous streak would last literally forever and boom! Fifteen days is all it went.  But it occurred to me that those fifteen days will be with me forever as fiteen days of kedusha and even though the streak ended there’s no reason for me not to hold my head up high and continue.
Today I learned about the pasuk of v’lo sasuru and how important it is to remember this amazing mitzvah.  And I also learned to appreciate the gift of sight more, and not to abuse it chas v’shalom.
May the forum come back soon so we can all celebrate our accomplishments in shmiras einayim together.

TrueRatzon.