In response to "be-holy" in Chizuk e-mail 492, I would like to say the following....
One issue you brought up the comparison between your wife and other women. I totally understand your feelings. After several kids and my wife not wearing high heels…The best way to combat this is obviously to stop looking. There are several things that have aided me in this respect:

1. I say a short Tefila before I leave the house that Hashem should help me with Shmiras Aynayim.
2. I am lucky to need glasses so I remove them when I am walking in the street.
3. I try to keep my eyes down and when I see a female approaching, I close both eyes or at least the eye that is closest to her until she passes (provided that I am not in the gutter).  I found that I have no problem waking several steps with my eyes closed.
4. I learned in a wonderful sefer called Bakodesh Chazisicha by Rav Shaul Vidger that even if you are trying to watch your eyes,  the Samach Mem deliberately pulls your eyes to where they shouldn’t be. I therefore laugh it off and telling myself “he’s doing it again”.
5. I give myself chizuk after every time I pass a women without looking at her.
6. While I am walking in the street I am talking to quietly to hashem. It is not noticeable to others. You can understand how it is much harder to sin against hashem if you are in the middle of talking to him.  If you have problems talking to Hashem I recommend that you learn the sefer Bsdai Hayar by Rav Sholom Arush who has a sefer on Tefilo and Hisbodidus. He also has an awesome sefer called BGan Hasholom on Shalom Bayis which I recommend.
7. Regarding your feelings about your wife, one of the things I say to hashem, is to thank him for allowing me to get married and the fact that I am married to a women with so many mailos. Again the Hisbodedus sefer will help you out on what to speak about.
8. The last thing is that even if I fall I never get depressed since I know that this  constant battle against the samach mem and is one of the reasons for my existence on this world. I once learned in the Tanya that one who gets depressed because he can never eradicate his taivos is a Ball Gaveh because he thinks he is on the madraiga of a tzaddik. I also remember that my overall batting average is pretty good -----much better than it used to be.

Hashem should help you and all of us in this battle! Hashem gave us this web site as a Rocket Propelled Grenade to help us blow away the Samach Mem

Dear Pintele Yid,

You are certainly not a rookie in this fight against the y.h. Your post shows that you are clear where you are going and you know well what we really are up against, as well as exactly what strategies to use to combat the menuval. It is not surprising, therefore that you are doing well in regards to this strugle. I would certainly like to read more of your posts.
kol tuv

Dear Yosef Yakov,

There are 2 different types of Fighters in the sport of boxing. There is the "boxer" who weaves in and out and bobs his head in all directions - making him a very difficult target to hit. The other type is the "brawler" who stands toe to toe with his opponent and slugs it out.

In our struggle for kedushas eiynayim, holy eyes, I think we have to be mostly a "boxer" which for me are the tips I discussed in my earlier post. I think that this is alluded to in the Gemorah Baba Basra nun zayin amud bais where Rebbi Chiya bar Abba says that the posuk "V'otzem Einav Maraos berah" refers to someone who doesn't look at women when they are washing clothes in the river. The Gemorah asks him to clarify the situation that he is discussing, because if there is another path, even if he doesn't end up looking, then he is a rasha for choosing that path. If there is no other way, then he is an Onais.

Although there are many things to discuss about this Gemorah, (including the "rasha" designation which I don't think applies to our generation where Shemiras Einayim is the test of our generation and the Yezer Horah is putting all his energies to fight us), I want to just touch upon the statement that "if there is another path". This clearly sends a message that we should be contantly trying to be the "boxer" by figuring out ways to avoid getting into a situation where we have a test.

When also else fails, and our opponent the Yezer Harah backs us into a corner against the ropes by making us see something that makes us lust, we have to transform ourselves and temporaily become the brawler, by punching ourselves out of the corner.

This post is already too long but I will I"Y come back again with strategies I use when I experience something and feel that I am about to get knocked down and have to transform from the boxer to the brawler.


Enjoy the match !

Pintela Yid

dearest Pintele Yid,
your name should really be ende-tzadik  as my cheder rebbe used to say "from the very tip of your head to the very bottom of your toes you are kol kulo tzadik" .

I too felt that the foundation for watching the eyes, is in that gemorrah of  איכא דרכה אחרינא או ליכא דרכה אחרינא. it requires constant work to anticipate and paln accordingly always weighing one way over the other.

For example, I recently realized that the supermarket where I shopped was not conducive for shmiras enayim so i had to make a decision, is it worth it for me the few dollars that i"m going to save over shopping in the frum stores, (not to mention the mitzvah of וחי אחיך עמך!!) I decided that the convenience and savings  of the supermarket doesn't pass the test of ליכא דרכה אחרינא and made up my mind that bli neder in the summer I wont shop there anymore.

BTW I loved the analogy to the 2 types of boxer. Always fight smarter not harder!!! בתחבולת תעשה לך מלחמה "wage war with the YH  with cunning only", I cant afford to slug it out toe to toe with him ,i found out the hard way  when I go "head to head" pun intended, he will always  win!




AWESOME- to me this is elementary and you are a true ohaive Yisrael you are mamesh the Badichiver zy"a!!

the flip side of this is that when there is "no other way" for example at work etc, then your halachiclly considered an אונס which my rebbe taught me in cheder is not מתיחס to me ( sorry for the yeshivisheh shprach, it looses its lomdus when translated, forgive me  ) [/i] and i don't worry about it as long as i don't intentionally take that second glance or derive any pleasure from it.

It's worth mentioning for the benefit of whoever reads this thread, that in the case that you don't have a choice, not only are you considered an oines but if you really try not to look then you are actually considered a tremendous Tzadik. As the Gemoroh says over there, you are zocheh to a very special level of gilui shchina. [And it doesn't matter if you were fully succesful. What matters is how hard you tried.]

Brother Noorah BAmram,

I am sure that whatever money you lose by going to the Yiddeshe Grocery you will get paid back Kiflai Kiflayim!

All - I just posted the "brawler" strategy on another thread entitled Torah vs. 12 steps.

Pintele Yid