FIrst i do do slaa online its really anonymous they cant even hear you, and I am in the email support list.
If you are insane you need to do anything to get back on track Rabbi Twersky feels the same way as well here is something else to think of it really really made me think of this from a different perspective!, I got this from a goy!!!

Its just a basic human idea we have to begin from somewhere.
I asked him whats wrong with objectifying women this is what he wrote:
Objectifying:

    I submit for your consideration. Passion without purpose is a from of insanity. So ... what is the purpose of our relationship with ... someone we objectify? Bang your head against the wall on that one.

    I can hear you say; "We don't have any relationship". I submit for your consideration then that you have no reason to objectify anybody. So stopping is no problemo at all, at all, ... Which we know is not true.

    Allow me to submit for your consideration that we do have a relationship with anybody we objectify. Not with them personally since we rarely go and tell them all about it. We have a relationship with them (our mental creation of them) inside our own head between our two ears. It has absolutely nothing to do with them as individual human beings. They may well have some quality about them that we are attracted too or triggered by ... That has about as much relationship to who and what they really as flossing. We just want our little trigger here and once we got it our real time relationship for us is probably over and done with ... do not expect a Christmas card or birthday wishes. We are in control.

    So in our own brains we now have this relationship which, this being SLAA, we are in all probability going to exploit. We CAN exploit it any way we want too. Isn't that Great? We are all powerful in this imaginary relationship. We can manipulate and use our imaginary partner to be and do anything we want, and do it extremely well. We do not have to be at all concerned about what they may be going through now or might go through in the future as a result since this is all imaginary. It's just a harmless fantasy right?

    We get our momentary rush of euphoria and our relationship is over till the next time. Or is it?

    Did we perchance just imprint in our own brain a rush of euphoria based solely in fantasy, not reality? The rush is real enough but how we went about getting it had nothing what so ever to do with the world we actually live in.

    Wasn't that Easy?

    Now, seeing how easy that was ... Why struggle with a real live human being to get them to actually do the things we want to do?

    I mean what if they don't want too? They might reject us! They might not like us! Much less love us the way we would like them too.

    What if they want to do something else? We'd have to compromise and or negotiate. We might have to put off our own gratification. We might have to do some things we aren't totally enthusiastic about doing.

    We could always just go back to our good old reliable fantasy couldn't we?

    So gradually, we come to not 'need' them (other people) to get what we want from them. So our relationships with others start getting a little shallow. They may even dry up pretty completely. Meanwhile between our own ears we are all powerful and all knowing. That all powerful and all knowing is based in fantasy, not fact, but there may well come a day when we are faced with a real world situation and rely on the fantasy image we have created for and of ourselves. That may not be all that attractive in the real world. We may well slam a cream pie in our own face.





Then I said that I thought I was a kind a friendly person I got quite a shock from what came next:
  When I objectify someone ... I rob them of their individuality, their humanity, their human rights, their dignity, their thoughts, their opinions, their spirituality, their beliefs, their history, their choices, and everything about them that makes them the wonderful unique individuals they all really are. I don't need none of that stuff. I can and do use them as I see fit. That is my purpose for them. Other than their usefulness to me, they have little or no part in my life. In simple point of fact, it is much harder for me to objectify someone I actually know, since all that reality gets in the way of a perfectly wonderful fantasy. 

    Now, just how friendly is that ...  really? Does that match my personal definition of friendly? How does my personal definition of friendly stack up against an dictionary or encyclopedia definition? Am I possibly using the wrong words and terms here?  One reason I mention this is a dichotomy in sex and love addiction itself. Most of us addicts do not love ourselves. So how on earth can we love someone else? We all have our own definition of 'love'. We all think we know what the word means. it's a really good idea to check that self definition, in writing, against the ones in the dictionary and encyclopedia. See if maybe we are a tad off base.

    Now, just how sensitive is that ...  really? How do I define sensitive? How does my own definition of sensitive stack up against an dictionary or encyclopedia definition? Am I possibly using the wrong words and terms here? 

    If I tell myself I am a friendly, sensitive, caring person and, in my fantasy world, I am none of those things ... I have a dichotomy in my life. I am doing two opposing actions at the same time. I cancel myself out. I am basically unethical, dishonest, and living a life that is a lie. To put it mildly I may well be somewhat immoral. I can not live a lie and be at peace and comfort in my life. I can not achieve any satisfaction much less serenity. I have to decide, discover, who I really am and want I want and need and be honest with myself  first and then other people about those things.

Wow, nice!

Chachma Bagoyim Tamin.

A love letter from your addiction-SHOCKINGLY POWERFUL
Dear Friend,

I have come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally,
physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you
can never relax. I want to make you jumpy, nervous, and anxious. I want to
make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you
unconfortable.

I want you to be confused and depressed, so that you can't think clearly
and positively. I want you to fell guilty and remorseful for the things you
have done in the past and you'll never be able to let go of. I want to make
you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you
are. I want you to fell sorry for yourself and blame everything but me for
the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy and to
manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you feel
fearful and paranoid for no reasin at all. I want to make you wake up all
hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me,
I'm even in your dreams. I want to be the first thing you think about every
morning and the last thing you think about before you black-out.

I'd rather kill you, but I'd be happy enough to put you back in the
hospital, another institution, or jail. But you know that I'll be waiting
for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly go insane. I can't
help but sneer and chickle when you shiver and shake; when you freeze and
sweat at the same time; when you wake up with the sheets and blankets
soaking wet. It's amusing to watch you ignore yourself; not eating, not
sleeping, not even attending your personal hygiene.

Yes, it's amazing how much destruction I can be to your internal rogans
while at the same time working on your brain, destroying it bit by bit.

I deeply appreciate how much you are sacrificing for me. The countless good
jobs you have given up for me; all the friends that you deeply cared for,
you gave up for me.

And what's more, the ones you turned yourself against because of your
inexcusable actions. I am eternally grateful, especially for the loved
ones, family and the more important people in the world that you have turned
yourself against. You threw even those away for me! But do not depair, my
friend, for on me you can always depend. After you have lost all these
things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me
to keep you in living HELL, to keep your mind, body, and soul for I will not
be satisfied until you ARE DEAD, my friend.

Forever Yours,

Your Addiction

AWSOME!

I fully agree with the idea of not exploiting women through lust and not "taking" from them without their consent.  But it leaves me with a question.  By way of illustration, since I don't think of men "that way" at all, a male stranger is just a stranger.  We don't know each other at all and pass each other without a second thought.  But if I DON'T lust after a woman, I give myself a pat on the back and say - see?  She has all these good qualities, she's a human being, and I didn't exploit her for my own perverse reasons.  Suddenly it's like we DO have a relationship - I now "know" her in a positive way, as a human being with good qualities.  But I think that's dangerous too.  I think the right response is to react as if it were a man - she's a complete stranger and I don't know her at all.  Not as an object of lust and not as a human being.  For all I know, she's an ax murderer.  How do you achieve this?

I have to disagree with aaron4. At least in my experience, sometimes I can't help but notice that a woman is attractive. I don't think that is synonymous with lusting after her. Instead, she is a complete stranger (maybe a serial killer) who I don't know at all. But she IS just another person. I don't lust after her for my own pleasure. I would say that you should pat yourself on the back when you don't lust after the woman (which includes taking a second look). It's no chiddush that you don't pat yourself on the back when you pass a dude; you weren't wired to be attracted to them to begin with! I think every time you pass an attractive woman and act in a completely appropriate manner (by that I mean COMPLETE control), you should pat yourself on the back. This may not be possible for some people who have gone too far in the addiction, as they may be triggered by even the sight of a woman. If you fall into that category, please disregard my opinion completely. What does the guard think?

Aaron, It all depends how you look at it. You should realize that it's Hashem that sent you the nissoyon because he loves you and wants you to grow. The fact that the nissoyon was dressed in the form of a person shouldn't make any difference.

If someone gets a hug from his mother it doesn't connect him to whatever dress she happens to be wearing at that time. Rather it makes him feel closer to his mother. In the very same way, when Hashem shows us love -by giving us a test and helping us pass it- it must stengthen our connection with Him and not with whatever it was dressed in.