Dear Giant Leap,

I feel like I could have written that. You echo my feelings exactly. The iPhone was a major problem for me when I was in Yeshiva in Israel last summer and I needed to use Skype on it to talk to family but I spent a lot of time looking at bad sites and it almost ruined the brief time I had in Yeshiva over the summer. I would even keep looking secretly when someone came into the room and I hoped they would think I was just checking email or playing a game or something!

Did you see the page Guard linked to? I discovered a good filter for the iPhone and I recommend you get that if you need to browse on the phone.

In the final analysis, you can't "filter" your lust away. Filters are there as a line of defense, but they are no substitute for sincere teshuva and battling the YH. When I started trying to make this go away, I put up filters and said "OK that's all I have to do" and it didn't help at all because I just broke through everything. Now, I know I can get at porn if I try hard enough, but I feel distanced enough away from my lust that I don't feel compelled to do it (long may it last!).

Anyway, hope at least some of that helps.

aryehtahor,aryehtahor wrote on 08 Feb 2010 03:44:


You are right. This is what I was getting at. Its just that the "flaw of the covenant" has caused me much "flaws in knowledge (Da'as) and I can't experience true sincere tshuva or any remorse for my damage I've done. Even if I tell Hashem I don't want to do what I do, I keep on doing it. I learned that its not the phone or the computer (which are great tools) at fault, but me. Im too far in the hole to get out ( or thats just how I feel today since I fell).

I looked at the link Guard posted. I think that I need to work on myself first and as the gentile philosophers say "know thyself". Anyhow, I don't want to depress you.

I got to change my mentality around. I want to regain my life back. Starting this moment.

Thanks for replying.

Hi Giant Leap,

Don't hesitate to write what you are feeling for fear of depressing me. I assure you it won't.

As I understand it (and I'm no talmid chacham), the first step is to figure out strategies to stop doing what you are doing. Only later do you experience remorse for it and yearn to do teshuva and come back to Hashem.

I only mentioned teshuva as the ultimate goal. So don't be so hard on yourself! Try to connect with others as much as you can on GYE, and have plans in place for when you think you will fall. Draw as much support from us as you can, because it's near impossible to just "change my mentality around" alone.

I heard this from someone here : The YH doesn't really care about the averah per se, "he" cares about getting you depressed and full of despair afterward. So if you fell, it already happened, it was meant to happen! Now you must pick yourself up and keep on trucking.

Rage ATM wrote on 23 Feb 2010 21:20:


When a Jew in Israel (or anywhere) holds back from sin, the Goyim in America feel it too!

Every time we say "no", we make the world a better place.

guardureyes wrote on 24 Feb 2010 10:55:
Thanks Guard, that really made me feel good!!  You see, you just never know how you can be mechazek someone!!

Covenant Eyes also have an iphone application, which is designed as an alternative browser to Safari (which should be disabled, along with You Tube etc).

Worth checking out.