I realize this is a forum to help you.  By showing empathy to your wife you ARE helping yourself by fixing your relationship, establishing trust and empowering safety. 
The Help Her Heal formula contains eight elements. 
1. Acknowledge how she feels: She feels not good enough, pretty enough, etc. Otherwise why would you be looking at other women? 
2. Validate her feelings: I can see that this has caused you to doubt yourself
3. Contain her feelings:  What can I do to make you feel safe and build trust back? 
4. Stay present: Do it !
5. Create an environment for safety: Don't push for more intimacy until she is ready.
6. Reassure her of your intentional changes:  I intend to do whatever it takes to build trust back and make you feel safe again. 
7. Restore your own self-esteem: Use a self-forgiveness script, see a therapist to help boost your self-esteem, be more decisive, you are not your addiction, you are much more. 
8. Maintain integrity:  Keep working on recovery and show her you're working, without showing her THE work, unless you want to.  Be upfront and honest about your struggles.