I have endured so much suffering because of my sins. I was groaning and shaking. I was so angry. What I was looking for from the sin disappeared for good, as it always does when I try to watch pornography. I was awake past midnight. I ruined the favors HaShem provided me. I was given respite and relief from the heat and I lost the reward. I could have learned Torah at night and been at peace. A weekend without it gives me peace of mind because I am not thinking about it or its punishment when I can rest. Pornography just makes me have more anxiety about work because I know that punishment in the form of harsh labor awaits me if I do it. I have had enough.