A thought on this weeks פרשה.

In the end of the פרשה when it discusses the קרבנות of שמיני עצרת, רש"י notes the discrepancy of קרבנות that there is between סוכות and שמ"ע. He brings the famous חז"ל with the משל of a king that made a party for all of his subjects. At the end of the party, he called in his beloved friend and told him, make a small intimate feast for the two of us, so that I can enjoy your company before you leave. Based on this רש"י explains that that’s why the קרבן of שמ"ע is much smaller than the קרבן of סוכות. The פרי החג represent the אומות העולם and the party that they attend is a big one with much fanfare. However on שמ"ע, Hashem tells כלל ישראל, you are my beloved, I want a small intimate meal with you before you leave. What has to be understood, is why does the meal specifically need to be small one? If all of the other subjects attended a extravagant party, why should the one that the king loves deserve any less?

רש"י brings quotes a מדרש רבי תנחומא, that brings a משל about the פרי החג, that seems to indicate that they correspond to כלל ישראל and not the אומות העולם. A משל to a host that had a guest. The first day he serves him the finest delicacies - פטומות, the second day he serves him fish, the third he downgrade his guest a bit more to בשר בהמה (apparently that was considered inferior to fish), the next day it’s lentils, and finally vegetables. He constantly decreases his fare like the פרי החג. The question is what is רש"י trying to teach us, that when we welcome a guest into our homes we should “trick” him by feeding him well and then keep on lowering the menu, is that the right way to treat a guest?

The answer to both questions is, that רש"י is teaching us a lesson about relationships. When one welcomes a guest to his home for the first time, there is no previous connection, it has to be established, so the best way to do it is by putting out a spread that’s fit for a king. Once the relationship begins to take root, he can cut back somewhat on the externals because there is already the beginnings of a connection. When the relationship blooms even more, he cuts back further, until the bond stands on its own, without a constant need for external fuel. The purpose of the external trappings are there to facilitate a deep and meaningful internal connection. Once שמ"ע arrives, הקב"ה says עשו לי סעודה קטנה, כדי שאהנה מכם, at that point the relationship has progressed to the point, that all that is needed for the intimacy to occur is a סעודה קטנה. anything beyond that is unnecessary, and perhaps would even mar the beauty of the moment. 

הנוגע לענינו, in my second lesson I tried detailing the difference between sexuality and true intimacy.  I’d like to use this idea to make a point. We are not מלאכים. The fact is we have animalistic tendencies. Hashem wants us to build a meaningful relationship with our better halves, in order for him to be שורה שכינתו בתוכינו. When there is perfect harmony between husband and wife הקב"ה rest his שכינה on them. How are we, with all of our raging hormones, meant to go about the delicate task of building a deep and meaningful relationship with a complete stranger? So ה' did us a favor and created a very physical passion and drive for sex to help engender real meaningful feelings of love. Sexuality is a tool that meant to be used and enjoyed in order to facilitate a deep and intimate connection. Ultimately, the sex is the external expression of an eternal bond. When the bond is the way it should be, the sex is the most beautiful and holy thing. Lacking and נשמה it is cheap, meaningless, and devoid of any content. 

Interestingly, a woman is most attractive from a sexual perspective, when she’s in the years that she is beginning her married life. This is not an accident. In order to maximize passion and excitement, ה' made the outer package, most desirable, when we need the most help to build the deep relationship that will hopefully last a lifetime. As time goes on and we’ve hopefully reached new levels of depth in our marriage, the חיצוניות naturally decreases over time. But at this point the marriage is already strong and solidified. It doesn’t need as much external to fuel the internal.

I am not saying in any way that the external is cheap in any way. When used to bring out feelings of love, it’s beautiful holy and a מצוה. The point is that as the relationship progresses, less of it is needed to bring out that deep love.

There is a touching story that brings out this point. I think I read it years ago in Ruchama Shain’s All for the Boss. I might be missing some details, but the gist of it was something like this. Ruchama, and her husband Moshe had to go to some type of bureaucratic office. They went with her parents. At one point during the trip, all four of them were standing in a way that Moshe and Ruchama were standing next to each other, flanked by her parents who were standing on either side of them. Ruchama remarked to her father, “look Papa, Moshe and I are standing so close to each other, while you and Mama are standing far apart from each other”.  To which ר' יעקב יוסף responded, “Mama and I are close enough to be standing far apart. You and Moshe are still nurturing a new and delicate relationship, so you need to stand together.” The story speaks for itself. Have a wonderful Shabbos!

amevakesh wrote on 26 Jul 2024 02:51:

Byooteefull!!

Shkoish Harav Amevakesh! Love it! What a story!

Good Shabbos!

Yes, great work and read super well, thank you!

Muttel

Stunning! thanks,

Powerful vort. An epic yesod to take with us through life!

Wow thanks for that vort!

Beautifully written and thought out!

Wondering if I should share it by my shabbos sedua

While I was being מעביר סדרה this week, I came across the רש"י that says להודיע שבחן של צדיקים שכנפטרים מן העולם מניחין צרכן ועוסקין בצרכי ציבור. The פסוק us letting us know the praiseworthiness of כלל ישראל’s leaders that when they depart from the world they forgo their own personal needs and occupy themselves with the needs of their nation.

I saw a beautiful Vort on this idea. The ילקוט שמעוני on תהילים in קפיטל מ"ב on the words כאיל תערוג על אפיקי מים asks the following question. כאיל תערוג. כאילת אינו אומר אלא כאיל זכר, תערוג נקבה למה, - Why does it mention an איל which is a זכר followed by לשון נקבה of תערוג? Answers the ילקוט,  that  אילת זו כשיושבת על המשבר מצטערת, ועורגת להקב"ה, והוא עונה אותה ומזמין לה נחש ומכישה בבית הרחם, ומיד בית הרחם נפתח וכו' לכך נאמר כאיל תערוג. - When this female deer is undergoing her labor pains, she cries out to הקב"ה, and he sends her a snake that bites her, and immediately, her narrow womb opens up and she can birth her offspring. The ילקוט continues. על אפיקי מים, האילת היא חסידה שבחיות, ובזמן שהחיות צמאות מתכנסות אצל האילת והיא חופרת ומכנסת קרניה בקרקע ועורגת להקב"ה וקורע לה את התהום והמים עולין לה, זהו כאיל תערוג על אפיקי מים, כשם שהאילה צווחת להקב"ה כך אסתר אמרה אילותי לעזרתי חושה.  -  Why does it talk about the brooks of water? Answers the ילקוט, when the animals are thirsty, they gather around the deer and she digs in to the ground with her horns, and cries out to 'הקב"ה. ה answers her by tearing open the depths and the water springs forth to quench the thirst of all the animals. Apparently, the ילקוט understands the פסוק to be talking about a female deer, but if so how is the question answered, why the לשון זכר? The זית רענן from the מג"א explains, that the female deer during labor, cries out בחוזק - with strength like a זכר, therefore it says כאיל. 

I saw a different פשט, a beautiful insight from ר' חיים זייצ'יק זצ"ל which is relevant to what רש"י is saying. כפשוטו, there are 2 parts to the ילקוט, one on the discrepancy between the usage of זכר and נקבה, and one on the words על אפיקי מים. Says רח"ז that it’s all one מאמר, and the ילקוט is teaching us a lesson in true selflessness. When the two scenarios come together, the labor pains and the animals thirsting for water, the deer forgets about its own personal pain and occupies itself with trying to relieve the pain of the other animals. It then beseeches 'ה on their behalf, not for itself. That’s the reason the ילקוט refers to the אילת as a חסידה. One who’s able to let go their own problems and instead adopt other people’s problems as their own is indeed worthy of the title חסיד. What the מדרש is answering is that the אילת makes herself like a זכר, that doesn’t go through labor pains, in order to carry the burden of the other animals pain. 

When I saw this Vort, I thought that through this website, I personally have been the beneficiary of a few special individuals, who although they are in pain from their own personal circumstances, they take the time to hear me out, give me Chizzuk, and feel my pain as best as they can. I think that this is the hallmark of a true leader. In order to properly lead, one must have a heart, so infused with אהבת ישראל that the pain experienced from other people’s צרות exceeds the pain of one’s own personal צרה, or at the very least, the ability to put aside one’s own צרה, even if for a few minutes to focus exclusively on other people’s pain. Obviously this is a מדריגה that very few are on, but to a certain extent, I have felt it, and seen it with my own eyes in this Oilam. 

Then I was struck by the following thought. On a somewhat smaller scale, all those heroes that put their own discomfort and reputation on the line, by writing letters to their Rabbeim, hanging up signs (even after they were taken down), and speaking to Rabbonim in order to alleviate the pain of so many of our brothers that are still struggling, are also putting other peoples needs before their own. I was filled with a little bit of a sense of unease because, for a weeks now, I’ve had the זכות of being in the presence of one of the very well known Roshei yeshiva/רבנים that has a lot of influence on many Bochurim, Yungerleit and Ballei Battim. For a while now, I observed how some of the Oilam here was actively doing their part in trying to spread awareness of GYE and the different initiatives that were brought up. I felt like I too should participate by speaking to this אדם גדול and make him aware of the extent of what’s going on here. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it, I was too embarrassed. Then when I saw the aforementioned Vort, I thought to myself, I have an opportunity to help out other Yidden, it’s time to put my own כבוד to the side, and follow the lead that so many here have already taken. Before I could change my mind, I went over to this אדם גדול and asked him if I could speak to him. he told me to come back after מנחה which I did. We sat together in his office for 25 mins. I told him about all the wonderful things that happen on this website, about how people from all types and creeds have managed to break free completely after many years of struggling, about the friendships made, and about all the wonderful initiatives that are going on here. He is knowledgeable in GYE in general, but the scope and the extent of it, and that so many בני תורה are using it and being helped, that was somewhat of a חידוש to him. I told him about PY’s letter to his Rabbeim, and about IWLR’s signs and about how they were taken down. I told him about Eerie’s phone line’s and about what he is doing to try to get it going. I tried my best impressing on him the need to spread the fact that there is such a valuable resource that really works. I told him about the pain and the double lives that many good people lead and the agony that they’re in. Interestingly, what impressed this אדם גדול was the fact that 40 people responded to IWLR’s signs, that there were so many people that were able to overcome their own בושה and approach others for help. It’s a זכות to be part of such a 'חשובע בני עליי who don’t only take their own שטייגינג in to consideration, but they’re not satisfied until they will have helped every last member in כלל ישראל that needs it.

Wow I am mekane your zechusim!

Nestled in the the shadows of that great citadel of study, friends met, to learn, to share, and to gain from each other. They were soon joined by another, and then another. Hugs all around, ideas exchanged, topics discussed, experiences shared. Walked away fortified. T'was a huge Chizzuk for me!

A quick Google search tells me that the following are some foods Harry Potter prefers - eggs, bacon, rolls, sausage, black and white pudding, and kippers

I'll try to get them on the menu for next time. 

Sounds good, as long as it has Badatz Hechsher and is Cholov Yisroel!

Heeling wrote on 30 Jul 2024 15:23:

No butterbeer????  A chocolate frog or two???

redfaced wrote on 30 Jul 2024 15:27:

קריינא דאיגרתא איהו ליהוי פרוונקא

redfaced wrote on 30 Jul 2024 15:27:

Are chocolate frogs Badatz Hechsher? And is the chocolate dairy? If yes, is it  Cholov Yisroel?