Although it’s been over 2 weeks since I last posted, and the experience I went through emotionally has dimmed somewhat, I will try to recapture and reflect on what I went through. When I put out my previous post, I was in full lust mode, like I hadn’t been in around 2 years. There were times during my current journey that I felt myself slipping, but this time it was different. Not only in intensity, but I almost felt like I wanted to “by mistake, on purpose (can’t explain what that means, if you’ve been there, you understand) mess up”. The only thing that kept me from taking it to the next level was the fear of losing my streak. But I was willing to explore anything that wouldn’t mess it up. I felt like for the first time in a very long time, the YH was completely in the drivers seat, and I was a meek passenger going along for his ride. It was brought on by some factors that are beyond my control, that I allowed to get me down. I allowed the YH to slowly stick his foot in the door, then make himself comfortable, and finally take charge. My main mistake was spending approximately four days in this situation, knowing that I had friends that could and would help me, yet I didn’t, and was too emotionally depleted to reach out. I mentioned to my wife (not for everyone) that I’m going through a difficult time lust wise, and it was she that pushed me to reach out to my GYE friends. I was too tired and lazy to do so, so I figured the next best thing was to post, which I did. Not ten minutes went by when the calls, texts, and responses started coming. It took another day for the lusting to subside, but thankfully it passed. The core issues weren’t resolved, but I find it amazing that things that seem completely overwhelming one day, can feel almost trivial the next. One can live life with challenges and still really be happy. I can’t begin to thank everyone that reached out, it is all to your credit that I was able to eventually pull through without falling. Better late than never, but going forward, the lesson I’ve learnt, is better right away and on time, than late.
