Heard a timely, beautiful idea at wedding that the אבי החתן shared, that speaks to the struggle.
He started by asking, if חמץ represents the YH, then why do we eat it all year? He answered, that Hashem created man with a YH because he wanted him to fight and struggle. Only then can he attain his full potential. Therefore we consume חמץ during the rest of the year. Why then is Pesach different? At the time that we were born as a nation, we demonstrate that our true desire is to live without the YH, to be free to serve Him unhindered by the various temptations and distractions that the YH projects on to us. But, in the day to day living the YH is meant to be used as a tool that helps us in our 'עבודת ה. Hence the difference between Pesach and the rest of the year. Ad Kan Dvarav Hakdoshim.
I thought this was a beautiful idea, and I’d like to flesh it out a little. Sorry for the אריכות, but there are a few points I’d like to bring out. For those that can’t handle the ramblings of a middle aged, pot-bellied man, the takeaways, are in the final paragraph, please just skip to the end.
When Hashem created man, the פסוק concludes with the words והנה טוב מאוד. The word מאוד isn’t found regarding any other creation, and the מדרש says that טוב is referring to the יצר טוב, and מאוד is referring to the YH. How did חז"ל know that of all things מאוד is referring to the YH? Furthermore, it sounds like the YH is the "מאוד" of the יצר טוב, what’s this all supposed to mean? Also, how is it possible to say that something 'ה created was מאוד - “very” good, isn’t everything that 'ה created absolute good? The word “very”, implies that there are various degrees to the goodness. Does this mean to say that some of 'ה’s creation were only good, but man was very good?! Obviously not, so what then does the word מאוד come to teach us?
The שב שמעתתא is his הקדמה explain this מדרש as follows. The יצ"ט is called a חכם - wise, the YH is called a כסיל - a fool. If all 'ה would have created, would have been the יצ"ט, man would be more then capable of doing טוב, and appropriately would have been described as טוב, which as a creation of 'ה would be ultimate good. However, now that he created the YH, there now exists a force of resistance to the good that man wants to do. In order to do good, he now needs to overcome this resistance. The friction, struggle and eventual triumph of the wise over the fool, takes the טוב that the person does, and sears it into the fabric of his essence, until that’s what he becomes, hence the טוב becomes מאוד - a part of him. Therefore, during the year, we eat the חמץ and מצה, to reflect the constant battle, the ups and downs, the victories, and even occasional falls that all serve as a tool to incorporate the goodness in to ourselves.
However on פסח, when כלל ישראל was born as a nation, we only eat מצה. Why? At the time of יציאת מצרים we were in מ"ט שערי טומאה, and 'ה pulled us out of all 49 levels at once. Ordinarily, it’s impossible to ascend the spiritual ladder more than one rung at a time, but on that night, we were raised up to incredible levels that were way beyond our capabilities at that time. The word פסח means to leap - we were given the ability to leap over the many levels, to one that regularly requires difficult and tedious work to attain.
Why did we merit this undeserved gift? The פסוק in תהילים says, הוא ינהגנו על מות. Rashi explains the פסוק to mean, that 'ה guides us like person guides his young child, מלשון עלמה. The בעש"ט illustrates this as follows. When a person is trying to teach their child how to walk, they do so, by standing the child on his feet, and then when he’s steady, they suddenly let go. Picture the scene, and imagine what it feels like from the vantage point of the child. For the last 10 months or so, his entire existence has been on the floor. All he knows, is what the world looks like from the vantage point of a child crawling around like an animal. Around him he sees very tall people, towering over him in upright positions. One day he feels himself being lifted into an upright position. The heady feeling of wow, is exhilarating. He finds himself in an upright position, and now sees people face to face. Granted, they may still be taller then him, but it’s a whole new experience, which leaves him feeling empowered and filled with confidence, ready to take on the world. At the height of his perceived power, a terrible calamity occurs. His parent, the one he loves and trusts, suddenly lets go of him. He’s immediately thrust into unknown, confusing territory. He does know how to react, he feels his muscles straining unsuccessfully trying to support his weight, and ultimately falls down in an unflattering, painful heap.
Let’s take a step back and ask the following question. What type of cruel trick is the parent playing on the child? To pick him up, only to let go and let him fall down?! The answer is obviously, that this is the way a child learns how to walk. The reason the parent pick up the child, is to give him the feeling that he will one day be able to attain on his own. But without effort on the child’s part, it’ll never happen. So the parent lets go. At the moment, when the child is confused and struggling to maintain his balance, when the muscles in his legs are being pushed to their max, and ultimately giving way, that’s precisely when the growth takes place, when bit by bit, the walking slowly becomes a part of who he is. Says the בעל שם, that’s how 'ה always guides us, by picking us up, then letting go. The ספר הישר famously refers to this as the ימי האהבה and ימי השנאה. The purpose of the ימי האהבה is to show us what we’re capable of, but at that point it’s only a gift, it’s not us just yet. Then come the ימי השנאה those “dark” days, when we’re not “feeling” in the zone, when we bumble around in the dark, when we lust, and try desperately to claw our way through the night. That’s when the real growth takes place, until ultimately, it becomes part of who we are.
Pesach (especially ליל הסדר) is the time that 'ה lifts us up, with an איתערותא דלעילא, whether we are worthy or not, to a level where we’re free of the YH. It’s possible to tap in to the feeling of true חירות, where we’re completely free from the whims, desires and lust of the YH. During this time, when it’s לילה כיום יאיר, we must be completely free of any חמץ. Although we know, that as soon as Pesach is over, he’s going to let go, for now, we soak in and try to capture the feelings of freedom, to remember when we’re down, in dark times , what the purpose of the struggle and what it is we’re striving toward. Then after Pesach, He lets go of us, to allow us to struggle and integrate these levels that He gives us for free, that for now are only טוב, and incorporate it into our souls, by struggling throughout the year with our YH, (eating חמץ), and making it מאוד. Once we make it part of ourselves, we’ve attained real חירות. True freedom, is not doing what we want, rather it’s the freedom to be who we are by aligning our wants with what we know to be true. The free מדריגות given to us on פסח, are merely the springboard, to show us what we’re capable of incorporating into ourselves when he lets go and we struggle.
Nowhere is this more relevant, than in the struggle against lust. Often we find ourselves wondering at the apparent schizophrenia within us. Sometimes we feel totally in control and we find ourselves coasting over the various challenges that are posed to us, only to be beset by urges the next day or week, that we find nearly impossible to overcome. We question our identity, who is the real me? Am I a clean individual or not? How can it be that just yesterday I had no problem with this, and today I can’t manage. The answer is that yesterday 'ה was lifting us up, sending us a loving message “You can do it, this is what it feels like, this can be you one day, but you’re gonna have to struggle to earn it”. When we find ourselves in the grip of a Nisayon, or even post fall, we must tell ourselves, this is all part of the plan, this is what’s going to help make us into people who’s freedom from lust is a part of their essence, and not only a gift. Let’s welcome Pesach, by getting ready to capture the illuminating flash of freedom, in our never ending quest of making ourselves into true בני חורין.
A wonderful and liberating זמן חרותנו to all!
