Hello my Jewish brothas, 
All of you who have shared on the forum in detail what they have been going through, I've benefited greatly from reading your posts, and admire every single one of you. I posted on here a long time ago after I fell one time, and then deleted the post out of utter shame because I was so embarrassed.  I've been on GYE for a little over two years now, and I'm happy to say that I have never felt better in my life. My longest streak was about 250 days, and I'm currently at about 150 days. I remember one of the daily doses on the WhatsApp saying to not be a "Streak Freak"... although, it's kind of tough not to be when it comes to this lol. My journey didn't start off with 250 days right off the bat. First it was 3 days, and then a fall. Then 5 days, and a fall. Then 12 days, and a then a fall. And then I remember getting to 49 days and had a fall. That was pretty bad. Was so close to 90 days. After that 49 days and falling, I think I fell for a few days, and then finally made it to 90 days, and it felt incredible. By no means am I free from these issues, and I don't think I ever will be. I feel like in the past I would hope that these problems would go away once I didn't do it for a long time, but after falling after 250 days, I've just come to accept the fact that this will exist throughout my life. I wanted to share with all of you a few things that has really helped me, and hopefully it will help you also.

• ​The taiva goes down significantly after you have refrained from doing "it" for a long time... The first few days and weeks are always the hardest
• A fall can be good for your ego... A fall humbles you and helps you to do teshuva in a beautiful way... Try to remember the humility you feel after a fall and take it with you for as long as you can
• Be honest when you fall, and log it in the GYE system. Follow the rules they have and be as honest as possible. Even if you just watched a little and didn't go all the way you should record it as a fall.
• Don't give up... When you Daven, tell Hashem that you are never going to give up and that you're never going to quit. Tell Hashem that no matter what you're going to keep going.
• Don't be so hard on yourself... don't be too easy on yourself either... but definitely don't be too hard on yourself... be indifferent to what happened and move forward
• Don't overthink what you see and get triggered so easily. It's an easy excuse. Some girls are not going to be dressing modestly and you might see some of these things in person or online. Don't fixate on it and treat everyone with dignity no matter how they're dressed.
• There's a tendency in these circles to fixate on the Yetzer Hara. Like this is an ongoing war all the time... which it is, but sometimes it is too overwhelming. Every time you find or feel your Yetzer Hara bringing up taivas or unwanted thoughts, just think in your head "YETZER TOV" and focus on your Yetzer Tov and really connect to your Yetzer Tov. Think about your Yetzer Tov more than your Yetzer Hara. Yetzer Tov, Yetzer Tov, Yetzer Tov, Yetzer Tov, Yetzer Tov, Yetzer Tov, Connect to your Yetzer Tov, Yetzer Tov, Yetzer Tov... That's it
• Stay on GYE... Don't be one of those guys who hasn't updated their streak in like forever. Stay on GYE for the rest of your life if you have to. I honestly feel like I probably will have to.

I want to share one last story of a fall I almost had right after Hannukah time. I was fighting my yetzer the entire day. Made it to night time, and finally decided I was going for it. Usually I start off on Youtube, and what ended up happening is that my Youtube feed knows that I like Rabbi Vids. I kept scrolling and seeing all of these Rabbis. It was pretty tough to go to the bad stuff... I know the feeling too of like, jeez, I see all these Rabbis, but I really want to be seeing inappropriate stuff, but I'm seeing these Rabbis, but like WHY do I want to watch this other stuff?!?!! These Rabbis are not letting me!!!!! I'm really resenting these Rabbis right now.... It's such a dumb feeling when you really think about it. Like... I was resenting the fact that I was seeing Rabbis who want what's best for me. I wanted so bad to do something that was pleasurable, but in fact disgusting... Even from a non-religious perspective. Eventually I ended up coming across this Shiur "A Jew Is Always Going Up". This Shiur does mention and discuss the nisayon of Yoseph HaTzadik. I ended up turning on the Shiur and just closed my eyes and fell asleep. The message of the Shiur is so applicable to us. We're all Jews and we are all doing our best to keep going up. Even when we get down, we keep going up, and up, until we are face to face with our creator one day, and we can confidently say that we were honest and did our very best to overcome this struggle. Not only did we do our best to overcome it, we eventually did overcome it, and Hashem is going to be beyond proud. Wishing everyone who reads this Hatzlacha Rabbah and my prayers are with you for your success.

Hey, good for you for all your hard work through it all. Its really tough to keep on going like that! Have  you reached out to anyone here?

Haven't reached out to anyone on here, but definitely read the forum for Chizuk sometimes

ramah1011 wrote on 15 Jan 2024 05:03:

Welcome!!

I would make a poster out of this and hang it on the wall!

Thanks!! 

I think reaching out would make all the difference for you. It sounds like you picked up a ton of amazing stuff by just reading! Imagine how much more by speaking to the pros. It really makes the world of a difference and imho may be what's between you and staying clean permanently!