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TOPIC: method 178 Views

method 01 Jan 2024 17:48 #406064

  • tonydraw
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SO i want to start a new method not sure if its a good idea and lmk if anyone has tried it.I want to start off by watching once a week and give a designated day.Then once i feel i can do more i will give one day every 2 weeks and on and on what does the oilem think?

Re: method 01 Jan 2024 18:07 #406068

  • davidt
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tonydraw wrote on 01 Jan 2024 17:48:

SO i want to start a new method not sure if its a good idea and lmk if anyone has tried it.I want to start off by watching once a week and give a designated day.Then once i feel i can do more i will give one day every 2 weeks and on and on what does the oilem think?


Please explain why you think this is a good idea...

If it's a good idea or not I don't know - but you for sure have good intentions. Keep it up!


Side note: It reminds me of a story. There was once a person who wanted to teach his donkey to live without eating & drinking. So he made a plan to start cutting down on his food every day just a tiny drop for 30 days and the last day he won't get any food and by then he'll be used to it... 
On day 29 the donkey died. The person exclaimed, what a fool this donkey is! He couldn't wait one more day!
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Last Edit: 01 Jan 2024 21:55 by davidt.

Re: method 01 Jan 2024 18:27 #406074

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tonydraw wrote on 01 Jan 2024 17:48:

SO i want to start a new method not sure if its a good idea and lmk if anyone has tried it.I want to start off by watching once a week and give a designated day.Then once i feel i can do more i will give one day every 2 weeks and on and on what does the oilem think?


I'll leave all opinions for the more experienced than me.

I just have one question; Do you trust yourself with having the self control of keeping it to once a week?
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Re: method 01 Jan 2024 18:34 #406076

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tonydraw wrote on 01 Jan 2024 17:48:

SO i want to start a new method not sure if its a good idea and lmk if anyone has tried it.I want to start off by watching once a week and give a designated day.Then once i feel i can do more i will give one day every 2 weeks and on and on what does the oilem think?


You've jogged my memory..this is actually mentioned in the old GYE Handbook.

I'm really not sure whether this is still valid advice and I'll leave it to others here to opine on the specifics/effectiveness, but please see below: (page 24-25)

Tool #8 Cutting Down

If you've tried the steps above and you still find that the addiction is controlling you and causing frequent falls, it could be helpful to apply the battle-tactic of conquering and securing one territory at a time, instead of trying to conquer everything at once. As discussed in tool #1, our sages have said: "There is a small organ in a man, if one feeds it - it is hungry, if one starves it - it is satiated". This is a very important Yesod to keep in mind, and it shows how much our Sages understood the nature of this addiction. The more we cut down, and the more distance we put between ourselves and the addiction, the easier it gets. We can make ourselves red lines at first, and try to cut down as much as possible. If we would act out every day until now, we can try - for starters - to cut it down to only once every two days. If it used to be twice a week, we can try cutting it down to once a week. Or we can try making a strong resolution for a period of time, that besides for - say, one particular day of the week, we will not even consider acting out, no matter what. As we do this and learn to cut down more and more, we will find that "the less we feed it, the less we need it". This tactic also teaches us not to use the addiction as an "escape mechanism" anymore. Very often, the subconscious reason that we became addicted in the first place was that we began to use the addiction as a kind of "escape" from the harsh - or difficult-to-deal-with realities of life. We used the addiction to sooth ourselves and medicate our feelings. But once we start to draw red lines and cut down on these behaviors with hard work and determination, we force ourselves to no longer instinctively use the behaviors to "escape" into ourselves. This causes a gradual change in our thinking that ultimately makes it much easier to break free completely. 

Also, as we work on progressively cutting down, we build up our virtues. In the merit of saying "no" to ourselves thousands of times, Hashem will give us special divine assistance to ultimately find real freedom from the addiction. The Gemara says: "Habah letaher misaayen lo - He who comes to be purified, they help him", and Chazal also say: "Biderech she'adom rotzeh leilech molichin osoh - in the way a person wants to go, they lead him". Why does the Gemara speak always in plural form: "they help him", and "they lead him"? The Maharsha explains that every effort a person makes creates an angel. And when the army of angels gets large enough, it has the power to help one overcome all the obstacles and lead him to where he wants to go! Every time we say "no" to the addiction, a priceless coin is added to our spiritual bank. Even if and when we do end up falling, we do not lose what we had previously gained. When we have enough "spiritual coins" in our account, Hashem helps us to completely break free. (See Part 2 of this handbook for more on these important principles).

However, it is important to emphasize that these tactics will only be effective if our goal is to stop completely over time, by progressively cutting down more and more. But if we allow ourselves to become complacent by simply keeping our addiction "under control", we will remain addicted to these behaviors. And as we often end up learning later the hard way, addiction is a progressive disease. It doesn’t get better, only worse.

END QUOTE 
Last Edit: 01 Jan 2024 18:40 by youknowwho.

Re: method 01 Jan 2024 18:41 #406078

davidt wrote on 01 Jan 2024 18:07:

tonydraw wrote on 01 Jan 2024 17:48:

SO i want to start a new method not sure if its a good idea and lmk if anyone has tried it.I want to start off by watching once a week and give a designated day.Then once i feel i can do more i will give one day every 2 weeks and on and on what does the oilem think?


Why do you think this is a good idea?

It reminds me of a story. There was once a person who wanted to teach his donkey to live without eating & drinking. So he made a plan to start cutting down on his food every day just a tiny drop for 30 days and the last day he won't get any food and by then he'll be used to it... 
On day 29 the donkey died. The person exclaimed, what a fool this donkey is! He couldn't wait one more day!

The teacher turned to the class and said, "So, kids, what do we learn from here?"
Igor raised his hand and, when called upon, said, "Never attempt to quit porn and masturbation an addiction, for you might die."
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Re: method 01 Jan 2024 18:42 #406079

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I believe it might be more effective to designate a certain day of the week that you absolutely will not act out. Once you are consistently keeping that day, expanded to another day, etc..
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