Shalom u’Vrachah!

Please feel free to share this with as many people and in as many places as you can! 

Please note:

I may update this from time to time with more tips, so please feel free to look back every now and again. 

I am by no means an expert on these things, not by a long shot, but I wanted to post these methods that have helped – and are still helping – me to stay away from looking at and "acting" upon inappropriate things in the hope that they may help others as well.

That said, here are some of the things that have helped me, and that I would recommend – in no particular order, with the exception of the first one – for others to try;

1.  Say Tikkun HaBris every morning after Shacharis
In my opinion, this is probably the easiest one to start with. The reason is that all it requires is for one to say the words. You don’t have to know what the words mean for it to work, all you have to do is say them.

That said, while it is always better to know what one is saying while they are Davening, to start with, this is not required for this particular Tefilla.

Try reciting TIkunei HaZohar # 48 (Tikkun HaBris) each morning after Shacharis. See here for a PDF of it in Hebrew: dailyzohar.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Tikkun-48-2.pdf (this is also attached to this post if you are unable to access the link, courtesy of DailyZohar.com. In addition, there is a transliterated copy - Aramaic to English - attached as well). This takes all of 5 to 8 minutes to recite, and works wonders!

In addition to helping prevent one's thoughts from wandering to improper things, it also helps with success in business dealings, helps to correct anything that has already been done with regards to looking at or acting upon inappropriate things, protection from negative forces (Mazikin), and more.

Lately, I have found that the recitation of this Tikkun has helped immensely with both curbing desires as well as banishing inappropriate thoughts. 

One thing to note about this is that one should try very hard to concentrate on and recite it properly instead of rushing through it and reciting it mostly by memory – though it is certainly praiseworthy to concentrate on any Tefillah that one says instead of just rushing through it. 
In my personal experience, whenever I rush through it in the mornings, it seems as though any urges that happen throughout the day are stronger and less easy to avoid – even to the point of Chas v'Shalom a fall. 

In order to concentrate better, I suggest – as works for me – that if one is reading the Hebrew version, try to read it slowly and use a copy that has the Nekudos (vowels) and concentrate on making sure to glance at the Nekudos under each word as it is said to be certain that the words are said properly (the PDF from DailyZohar.com that is attached to this post has Nekudos). I have noticed that I have made several mistakes in my pronunciations of this – and other Tefillos as well – and that going back over the Nekudos has helped me to correct the pronunciations (and sometimes I have even noticed a real difference in the way I Daven or the effects of my Davening), and I do this from time to time to be sure I am saying all my Tefillos correctly. 
When the correct Nekudos have been committed to memory, try switching to concentrating on the Hebrew letters themselves to be sure that it is being said properly (e.g. make sure not to mix up the letters "Bais" and "Veis" or "Shin" and "Sin" and so on). 
Another thing that I notice that seems to work for me, is that since this particular Tefilla does not need to be said b'Tzibbur (with a congregation – i.e. it can be said alone), if one can, try to find a quiet corner of the Shul or some other place that is quiet so that concentrating is easier.

2. Try to avoid touching the lower area 
With the exception of the shower, I find that it is helpful to not touch the lower area at all.

If one has difficulty when using the restroom while standing, they can use a piece of tissue paper instead of touching directly. The same goes for sitting down.

If one must put medication there, use disposable gloves, and wash the hands immediately after throwing the gloves away.

3. Study Shmiras HaLoshon daily 
I have found it exceptionally helpful (at the suggestion of 2 separate Rebbeim) to study the laws of Shmiras HaLoshon on a daily basis.

I find that the easiest way to do this is to subscribe to the emails on the 2 Daily Lessons and the Q & A session from the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation (these also sometimes include audio versions of the text so that one can listen to them if they prefer). 
In addition to reading them, after I read each of the emails, I paraphrase what it said in my own words. This helps me to remember what I read better.

It takes about a total of 10 – 13 minutes to go through all 3 emails (including the part where I paraphrase it in my own words).

To sign up for these emails, go here: cchf.global/individual/email/?#signup_form

If you prefer WhatsApp (though mostly not the same content as the emails, with some exceptions), go here: cchf.global/individual/whatsapp/?#singup_form

If you are interested in more, there are other options – most of them free – and these can be accessed by going to the top of the page on the Chofetz Chaim website and going to either the "Programs" or "Daily Learning" sections.

(Please Note: I am not affiliated in any way with the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation with the exception that I also receive and study the daily emails and WhatsApp messages from them, and that these lessons have helped me in my daily life.)

4. Memorize 2 short paragraphs of Tanya
At the suggestion of another Rebbe, I have also started going over and memorizing the first 2 paragraphs of chapter 41 in the Tanya and going over them each day right after Shacharis. 

I find that for me, the best way to memorize Tanya is to go line by line (or sentence by sentence) and when there are certain parts that could be understood in more ways than one, I ask a Rebbe or someone who knows what they mean, and then each time I read that particular sentence, I briefly go over in my mind what the person I asked said and say what they said using my own words.

It takes all of 3 minutes to read, and if you want to spend more time on it, or memorize more, all the better!

5. Stop watching things that one shouldn't - even TV shows and Movies 
If one watches animated or cartoon-like shows or movies such as anime (I have found anime to be the most problematic for me) and/or CGI (looks more real than drawn cartoon-type animation, but still easily recognizable as not real), or reads books with Meis scenes in them or even slightly suggestive scenes – reducing the amount of time spent watching and/or reading these shows/movies/books a little at first and then gradually more and more until one does not watch/read them anymore, helps a lot as well.

In my own personal experience, I have found that the less I read these types of books and/or watch these types of shows, the fewer and less strong urges I have.

If you still feel the need to watch something, the best option is to try and find Torah videos to watch, but if you can't do that, try watching things like shows on nature or how things are made.

If you have access to YouTube, there are plenty of shows like that on there that are completely free. 

As for how to limit one's watching of these things, I will share the way it worked for me;

• To start, I simply put a limit on the number of shows/episodes I watched per day. At first, I was watching as many as I wanted to per day, then I started by setting a limit of 5 episodes per day of things that I had already watched and 2 new ones (the shows I watched had episodes about 23 minutes long each). Then after a period where I felt comfortable, I limited myself to either 2 new ones or (i.e. not in addition to as previously stated) 5 that I had already seen.
• After I had gotten used to limiting how much I watched, I limited myself to watching these things only before I had done my daily Torah learning (for me, this was the Shmiras HaLoshon Yomi that I learned each day at about 5pm), and trying hard to not even read about or start the purchase/download of new episodes until the next day.
• When I had gotten used to this, I limited myself to watching the shows only if I had already watched some of it before I Davened Minchah (I usually Daven as early as possible due to my work). If I did not watch any before then, then I would not watch any that entire day.
• After this, I limited myself to ones that had no inappropriate language, references, or scenes in them (i.e. inappropriate language or references in the words spoken, images of people with less than Tznius clothing on or worse, etc.).
• Then, I limited myself to 1 new one or (i.e. not in addition to) 3 that I had already seen - that did not have anything outright inappropriate in them, and so on.
• Now I only watch one episode or so every week or two of family-friendly and almost completely Yiddeshe Neshamah-friendly shows - and those only when I simply need to get my mind off of something very stressful.

If one watches more or less than this, at different times, or different types of shows, then change the numbers, times, and types accordingly.

6. Putting on Tzitzis and Tefillin every day 
If one does not do this already, I have also found that putting on Tzitzis & Tefillin helps as well. 
Here is a video from the Admor HaRav Pinto shlita on the amazing protective power ofTzitzis: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1a1duVVzxtOBdqoB0dJQXT47Tb_XMwN8R/view?usp=sharing

In my personal experience with this, I first started putting on Tzitzis, and when I started putting them on, the urges noticeably diminished quite a bit. Then after a while, I also started putting on Tefillin – and the urges and thoughts diminished even more.

As it is known, keeping one Mitzvah will lead to the keeping of other Mitzvos.

7. Try to avoid even looking at the lower area 
When using the restroom, taking a shower, changing clothes, or doing anything else that requires the lower area to be uncovered for any period of time, I find it helpful to not look at that area. For me, I close my eyes or simply look at other places (walls, ceiling, etc.).

If you have difficulty specifically when in the shower, a Rebbe once suggested to me the following;

If you are working on a project or have something at work that you are in the middle of, whenever thoughts of an inappropriate nature arise, try to divert these thoughts and instead think about the project you are working on (for me, I am writing a few books, so I sometimes think about that, or I think about an issue that I am having with regard to a specific project I am working on at that time).
I use this suggestion even when I am simply in the shower or wherever these thoughts occur most often for me and don't have any inappropriate thoughts as a way to help myself get used to thinking these things in place of those thoughts (change this to the place where these thoughts and urges happen most for you). That way, it has become easier for me to avoid thinking about things I shouldn't altogether.

If doing that does not help, then try postponing acting on the urge until you have completed shampooing your hair. If you succeed there, try postponing acting on the urge until you have finished washing your upper body. Keep trying to postpone the urge as long as you can, and it should gradually diminish. 
If you have difficulty in a different place than the shower, break down the steps of what you do in whichever place you have difficulty and try postponing the urge after each of these steps. 

The same applies when having these thoughts and urges outside of the bathroom (or wherever you are having them). Try as hard as you can to put them off - even for a few minutes to start with, and keep trying to put them off for as long as you can. Gradually, you will begin to notice that you are able to avoid these things more and you will also find that you are able to put them off for longer and longer periods of time. 
If you need more help to begin with (for example, a reason to stop), see suggestion number 14 in this post.

A slight note:

With specific regard to having difficulty in the shower, if possible (i.e. if you can keep your balance while washing yourself), try to keep your eyes closed as this may help prevent you from seeing that area. If absolutely necessary, try opening your eyes to tiny slits - just enough to see what you need (e.g. to find the soap, get a towel, etc.). If you can, even keeping your eyes closed until you have gotten both the upper and lower parts of the body covered seems to work the best (i.e. after getting both shirt and pants on).

8. Say the full Krias Shemah every night 
Recite the full Krias Shema al HaMitah each night and do a Cheshbon HaNefesh (this is done by thinking about what Aveiros one has committed each day and making oneself a list of what one has done and what needs to be done to rectify it, either between man and Hashem e.g. one looked at something they shouldn't, thought something they shouldn't, or between man and his fellow - e.g. one spoke angrily to a family member and should ask their forgiveness for speaking that way and hurting them, taking something without permission, etc.). This helps to complete the rectification process of things that have already been done and helps one to realize and remember to fix things they have not fixed yet. 

Another thing with regard to Krias Shemah al HaMitah, is that one should try to concentrate on the words as much as they are able to. 
I am no Posek, Rav, or Rabbi at all and not qualified to give Halachic ruling or advice, but I think if one finds they have difficulty concentrating on the whole Shemah, then to start, one should try to concentrate from the part where they cover their eyes up until the end of the first paragraph.

For more information on both this and on the Tikun HaBris (Tikunei HaZohar # 48), see this 3-part speech by Rabbi Anava here (as the links were not working before, I have unlinked the text. To watch the videos, copy the link and paste into a new web browser window or tab, or use the second set of links):

From YouTube: 

Part 1: youtube.com/watch?v=P-ugYAL5jLc

Part 2: youtube.com/watch?v=U1U4IxrMhrg

Part 3: youtube.com/watch?v=toWgHEvlkyk

If you are unable to access YouTube, see here for an alternative option:

From Google Drive: 

Part 1: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1D2HrUfXw8ZEisXPZottNXo20_Vf-u-ve/view?usp=sharing

Part 2: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1i88gRAFa5eOFjfuiI5ILAqDSqVhjziJ4/view?usp=sharing

Part 3: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zxSBTLhuLXSTXp1xRgETWiSDWhASYijF/view?usp=sharing

9.  Recite Tikkun HaKlali after a fall as a partial rectification
Say Tikkun HaKlali every Friday and Yom Kippur Katan after Shacharis. This helps to rectify the Avairohs that have been done Bein Adom l'Makom (between man and Hashem, such as things like looking at or thinking about inappropriate things - though the acting upon them needs more than this to rectify it). 

I also say Tikkun HaKlali after I slip and look at inappropriate images/videos/things and/or act upon the urges that happen when looking at these things as a way to help rectify what I did on a spiritual level. 

In addition, while one should certainly feel regret for doing any Aveirah - especially these particular ones which this site is for – one should not let the depression from having done these things get them so depressed that they cannot function. 
A Rebbe once told me that after one falters and commits an Aveirah, the Teshuvah process should be as follows;
I.  One should feel true regret for what they have done and admit it in their own words to Hashem
II.  Take upon oneself not to do the Aveirah again - even if one slips multiple times - and make a firm commitment not to do it again by thinking of ways to prevent it from happening (I find it helps to think of some things one can do when an urge arises such as going for a walk, doing some housework, etc. and making a list which is posted somewhere obvious to them). 
III.  To help others understand how severe any Aveirah is and to help others to avoid doing them – the one this site is for in particular (I do this by sharing things that have helped me with as many people as possible, and if someone does not know that something is an Aveirah, I try and explain it to them in a very kind and gentle way at a time when they are calm and happy).

10. Say Shir HaShirim as an extra protection and a partial rectification 
Say Shir HaShirim every Friday before or after Minchah (depending on your Nusach, and it is already part of most Sefardi Siddurim). This also helps to rectify most Aveiros committed Bein Adom l'Makom (between man and Hashem, such as things like looking at or thinking about inappropriate things, though again - though the acting upon them needs more than this to rectify it).

For more information on this and Tikkun HaKlali (the first suggestion in this list), see the videos by Rabbi Anava that are linked to above (from YouTube, though also added via another website if YouTube is unable to be accessed).

In fact, if you have access to YouTube and/or Vimeo, I highly recommend browsing through the many videos by Rabbi Anava, they are all very interesting. Some of them are in Hebrew, though most are in English, and some have Spanish subtitles.

11. Ta'anis Dibbur (fast of speech)
If one is able to, I would recommend a Ta'anis Dibbur (a period of time where one does not speak at all - with the exception of Davening and Brachos, and if one specifies it at the beginning of the Ta'anis, learning Torah) as an extra Zechus both for being forgiven and not failing more when trying to avoid the urge to do more. I usually try going at least one full 24-hour day, but even just a couple of hours is good as well. 

I will also mention that it is a good idea to do this specifically after slipping and looking at things one is not supposed to - and even more so after one slips and acts upon an urge while looking at inappropriate things. 

As looking at inappropriate things can make one more susceptible to the Yetzer Harah of anger, and therefore may Chas v'Shalom cause them to get angry, this can help to prevent any outbursts towards others. 



12.  Set Extra "Boundaries" for yourself
The Torah says that it is best to set up personal boundaries – boundaries that would be considered "extra" by others – for those who are having difficulty with certain things. Even if nobody else knows what these boundaries are because they are only made in one's mind, it is still a good thing to do to help one stay away from things that they are having difficulty with. 

Here is a short 2-minute video explaining this a little bit: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TpgMqoYvX78clxhc2-OX1gdqMCZDIHm_/view?usp=sharing. 

Some things that I do are as follows; 

I. 
When speaking or even thinking about things - even if not related to urges and other things that are not allowed - until one has gotten better at ignoring or resisting them, one should try to use words that do not invoke inappropriate thoughts or feelings. 

For example, a commonly used word that has more than one meaning; 
An example of this is that the word "come" can be used to express someone who moves closer to the person speaking. In other words, a person would say to another "Please come over here".
Though this is generally a completely innocuous statement, the word "come" might also denote something else that is not appropriate, and thus one should refrain from saying it if this word bothers them.
One should preferably say something like "Would you please move closer to me?" or "It is difficult to hear you at this distance, would you please walk over here?". 

II. 
When walking out in public where people are not always dressed in a proper way, I try to look at the ground as much as possible to avoid seeing things I shouldn't.
Or if I am on a bus, I try to listen to a lecture and stare out the window at the sky or close my eyes so that I don't see or hear things I shouldn't. ​


13.  Use Only filtered internet devices
One should only ever use internet-enabled devices that have filters. 
To that end, GYE has several options available for filters - and has people who can help you install them if needed. 
Here is some general information on filters: guardyoureyes.com/allarticles/item/gye-filter-page 
Here is a page with many tips and a lot more information about filters: guardyoureyes.com/news/category/filtering-tips 

I am also a computer tech myself, so if you need suggestions on what filter to use on your device, please feel free to send me a PM and I would be glad to offer some suggestions as to what filter(s) I can recommend. 
However, please be aware that if you do send me a PM, I may not get back to you for anywhere from a few days to several weeks. So if you need help sooner, please ask the GYE team. 


14. Think about someone you care deeply for as a preventative (this suggestion is courtesy of Rabbi Anava - see the videos linked to above)
When one commits any Aveirah, the Torah says that it does not affect only oneself, but all of Klal Yisroel. 
With this in mind, when you realize you are starting to "fall", try thinking of someone who you love, and imagine what you are about to do hurts them terribly. For me, this is my parents.
Though I cannot say how it will be for anyone else, I have actually noticed a real pattern - when I fall and look at or do something I shouldn't, my parents seem to get depressed or upset, and when I refrain from doing these things, they are happier and more upbeat. The longer I stay away from doing things or looking at things I shouldn't, the happier they are, and in turn, the happier they are, the happier I am. 

15. Reward yourself for successes
If you have been wanting to get something (like a new phone or computer, or even something as simple as a candy bar or new book, or even wanting to go to that park with beautiful nature hikes that has been niggling at the back of your mind for a while), whenever you feel you have taken a relatively big step for yourself (such as refraining from acting upon an urge for 2 or 3 times longer than the normal amount of time you have between acting upon urges, or stopping yourself while in the middle of an urge or action before anything happens, etc. - each person should do what they feel is right for them), reward yourself with that special thing that you have been wanting, even if that means you have to take a small amount of time away from things at home or work (be reasonable though).

16.  Speak to Hashem in one's own words 
This sounds simple, but I have had this work for me a few times. Simply ask Hashem in your own words (this can be at any time, though I usually do this at the end of Shemoneh Esrei where one makes personal supplications before taking 3 steps back) and ask for help with this and anything else one needs. 

If one wants to go further, there are 2 Segulahs that I am aware of that help one to have their requests granted. 
The first one which was suggested to me by a very close family friend is to say the following - in this order:

1. Say Perek (chapter) 121 of Tehillim 4 times.
2. Say the words "Ein Od Milvado" 4 times
3. Say Perek 100 of Tehillim 3 times
4. Ask for what one wants using their own words - and this is not just limited to asking for help, it can be anything you want.

I say this every day after Shacharis, and I have noticed a few changes for the better in some of the things I have asked. 

The other one to try is to say the Segulah for being answered. 
This is also from Tehillim, and to do this, one would say - in this order - Perakim (chapters) 4, 5, 8, 20, 37, 57, 93, and 108. 


17.  After a fall, go the Mikveh (I am not a Rav or Posek - DO NOT rely on this, it is for informational purposes ONLY)
When someone falls in this type of situation, it causes what is called the "Keri contamination" which causes all sorts of issues - though I will not go into detail here (if one is interested in some of the details of this, see links below this paragraph). The only way that I am aware of to purify oneself from this is to go to a Mikveh.

While it is highly preferable to actually go to a Mikveh, if one is unable to go for certain reasons such as severe difficulty getting there due to it being very far away, medical issues, or certain other things, one can use their shower and stand under the running water for about 10 minutes. 

In addition, it is considered praiseworthy to go to Shul early on Erev Yom Kippur and recite Tefillas Zakah in which one confesses to Hashem for this particular Aveirah. 

Here are the links mentioned above: 
     -  https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1525231/jewish/Shear-Avot-haTumah-Chapter-5.htm
     -  https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/4297996/jewish/Chapter-151-The-Prohibition-of-Discharging-Semen-in-Vain-And-the-Ways-of-Ammendment-for-One-Who-has-Succumbed-to-this-Sin.htm
     -  https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/936028/jewish/Shevitat-Asor-Chapter-Three.htm
     -  https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/3709899/jewish/Why-Is-Impurity-Not-Observed.htm


18.  "Push" (or blast - see below) the inappropriate thoughts away
In order to do this, one must realize that the thoughts going through the mind are not ones that a Jew should ever have. 

After realizing this, I find it helpful to imagine that these thoughts are being packed into a box, sealed, and literally tossed out of my mind. 

The way I do this when these thoughts enter my mind - take an inappropriate image for example - is to imagine the image on a piece of paper or canvas, taking that image, packing it into a cardboard box, sealing the box with tape, putting that box into a cannon, and blasting it out of my head (if the paper box catches on for or shreds up with the force of the blast from the cannon, all the better!). 

While I cannot say what will or will not help anyone else, for me, the combination of these things has helped me immensely.

I have gone from looking at and doing inappropriate things twice a day or more, to once or twice a week, then once or twice every few weeks, then around once a month, and so on - though I still have periods of difficulty from time to time.

Granted, this has taken me the better part of 2 and a half years or so – gradually adding things (though not necessarily in any particular order), and I do have periods of time where I slip, but that is the way that Hashem made us – imperfect humans who strive for perfection in this world as Hashem through His Torah requires of us.

With Hashem's help, I give this Brachah to all those who decide to follow and do one or more of these things;

In doing all the above - even if only starting with one thing and working toward doing more - may Hashem give you an extra amount of help for simply trying, and through the fulfillment of one or more of the above suggestions, may Hashem grant you many, many more Brachos, among them, exceptional Sholom Bayis in your homes & Happiness in your lives, Wonderful Health, and immense success in your work and business dealings.

May we and all of Klal Yisroel soon be Zocher to experience the 3rd and Final Geulah, The Arrival of Moshiach, and the Rebuilding of the 3rd and Final Bais HaMikdash and merit to greet the Shechinah and have it dwell with us all once again in Yerushalyim, Habenuyah!