When you're anxious or having urges, the first step is to relax and calm down so you can think more clearly.   



Useful Tips:

● If you're not in a good state of mind, turn your phone off and put it out of sight and out of mind.

Avoid taking your phone to the bathroom or being in bed with your phone. Studies have shown that a person's conscious awareness and willpower are reduced when lying down.

● Do some exercises to help send the energy back up through the body. Pushups, stretches and deep breathing exercises are great. If yoga seems interesting, try doing yoga.

● Drink some herbal tea

● Eat a good meal if you're hungry.

Make sure to eat a healthy diet. When a person is deficient in essential nutrients, it drastically increases stress on both the body and mind. Consider taking supplements of vitamins and minerals that are lacking in your diet. Some big ones include b vitamins, zinc, vitamin d, vitamin c, iodine and omega 3 fats.

Try not to eat excessive amounts of dairy. Personally, I have noticed that dairy products can contribute to hormonal imbalances, especially by raising estrogen and lowering testosterone. This can increase skin problems, depression and urges, and make it harder to exert self control.

● If you're tired, try to go to sleep. I know it can be hard to fall asleep sometimes, especially if you're anxious or having urges.

Turn your phone off and put it in another room if you can, and go to bed. Just being in bed can get you in the mood to go to sleep. Quiet your mind and relax your body, and soon enough you'll be asleep.

● Take a cold bath or shower. If you're not in a position to do either, go wash your face, preferably with cold water

● Make sure your room and all your things are neat and organized. Being in a disorganized place and seeing a mess around only makes a person feel more like a disorganized mess inside. Cleaning your room might be something productive to do which can help you calm down.

● From my experience, one of the worst possible ideas is to sit alone at home. If you can, go somewhere where there are other people. Even if you might not be feeling your best and don't want to be close to others at a given moment, being around others will help you avoid relapsing. Try going outside. Take a walk, go for a run. If you have a gym nearby, consider going there.

● Tell someone about your struggle so you have someone to help you and keep you accountable. Consider going to a psychologist. If you feel like you might slip up, yell for help if you need to; it's not an underreaction. Don't be ashamed or afraid to seek help.

● Install a filter.

I came across a website which offers free DNS filters which you can put on your phone. Here's the link:

cleanbrowsing.org/filters/

● Make a bulletin board and post positive quotes, a list of the things you need to get done during the day, and whatever else comes to mind. Looking up and constantly seeing a reminder can help you stay focused on your goal. 

● Try to stay off of your phone and computer as much as possible. Minimize your use of social media and video games. If you don't need a particular app, delete it. Focus your energy on something productive instead. You could try learning another language, learning how to play an instrument, reading a book, playing a sport, etc.

● Most importantly, work on a positive mindset. When a person is focused on the negative, the mind comes up with a multitude of reasons why things are bad. In the same way, when a person focuses on the positive their mind comes up with a multitude of reasons why things are good. Negativity is simply a perceived absence. In a sense it doesn't exist. The only thing which really is is the positive. Focus on what is, not what isn't. Focus on the abundance, not the lack.

Try to take a few minutes to really focus on praying/meditation, especially in the morning after waking up and at night before going to sleep. I have found tehillim (especially ג, צא, and כג) to be very helpful.

You could also try saying some positive affirmations. There's an app called "I am" which sends positive affirmations throughout the day. Check it out, it might help.

Practice being grateful. To quote the famous saying, "count your blessings". Think of all the things which you probably take for granted - having food to eat, a bed to sleep in, windows and doors on your house to keep out the wind, the physical ability to get around on your own, the fact that you're alive - the list could go on and on. Remember, as long as you're alive you have the opportunity to change your life for the better and give meaning to whatever struggle and suffering you have experienced. 

● Teach others to not make the same kinds of mistakes so they don't experience the same suffering. Don't be afraid to speak up and address uncomfortable topics like porn and masturbation. Many young people are too ashamed to look for help or talk to someone. When they realize that they're not alone and that porn is a societal epidemic, they are much more able to overcome that shame and start addressing their problem.

There's a famous saying that stuck with me: "If you know alef teach alef." It's each and every person's obligation to teach what they know, no matter how limited that knowledge may be. Even if you still struggle with alef yourself, it's not the fault of anyone else who needs to hear what you have to say. If you have learned something which has helped you improve your life, pay it forward and share it with others. That message can change someone else's life for the better in a profound way. When you help others, you'll find that help comes to you. You could call it good karma. The energy you give is the energy you get in return.

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In order to really become free for good, you have to let go of the shame, guilt, fear, regret and feeling of loss. There is no reason to hate yourself. No sin you have committed is beyond redemption. Even if you may have hurt someone else you can still set things straight by making a sincere apology and doing your best to repair whatever damage was caused. As human beings, we are imperfect. That does not mean you shouldn't strive to achieve an ideal, but it is important to always treat yourself and others with compassion. Part of that involves not putting too much pressure on yourself to conform or take on more than you can manage. That doesn't mean you should be rebellious, or a slacker, but you have to learn to appreciate yourself and not be sorry for who you are.

You are worthy of all the good that there is. You deserve to live a great life, but in order for that to happen you have to embody greatness. It's not okay to be weak; you have the power to achieve so much more. Don't sell yourself short. You owe it to yourself and others to be the best that you can be.

Don't take life too seriously or spend precious time worrying. Try to be happy and take everything that comes your way in good spirit. Strive to do your best, but keep in mind that regardless of what happens, everything is ultimately for the best.

It's important to understand that each person has a certain set of propensities and tendencies, and those in combination with the environment they grow up in shapes who they become. When it comes to masturbation, most young men struggle at one point or another. In addition, in today's society almost everyone is exposed to pornography at a young age during which the mind is still very impressionable. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever negative patterns you may have fallen into are not your fault, but it is your responsibility to address and overcome them. The choice lies in responding consciously rather than reacting instinctively.

If you slip up, you should never have the idea that if you made one mistake, you might as well continue making mistakes. If you stubbed your toe on a rock, would it make sense to go back, kick the rock again and hurt yourself further?

Don't ever stop trying to better yourself. Whatever has happened has already happened, but you have the opportunity to make a change now. The point of power is in the present.Every thought, word, and action matters.

You are the only one who can and will make a new life for yourself. External forces can compel you to change, but that change only happens once you decide that you've had enough. To quote Tony Robbins: "Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change."

It's often difficult to see past the current challenges and hardships you may be experiencing. However, it's important to keep in mind that whatever difficulties you're going through will pass. Try to see a bigger picture rather than getting caught up on the details. If you get an urge, take a moment to think about how you're feeling and why.

Think about how your current actions will affect your future. Something Jordan Peterson said which stuck with me was to imagine what your situation could be like in 3 years if you do the right things, and what your situation could be like if you do the wrong things. Doing the right things now may be uncomfortable, but if you don't the pain of regret will be unimaginable.

Don't waste your time on distractions; don't accept anything fake in place of what's real. In order to break any habit, you have to have a more compelling desire than the desire to follow the urges and go back to the habit. As you understand more that something isn't worth it, you'll have less of a desire to pursue it.

If you have a worthy desire, focus on what you can do now in order to attain it. At the same time, appreciate what you have. To quote Pirkei Avot, "אֵיזֶהוּ עָשִׁיר, הַשָּׂמֵחַ בְּחֶלְקו" Be present and live in the moment. Learn to be accepting, but don't be complacent.

You can only escape yourself and the world for so long. You cannot run away from the problems you carry around with you. If you ignore them, they will continue to grow until you can no longer suppress them. Eventually, they will catch up with you and you will be forced to deal with them. It is far better to be courageous and face your problems now. Your happiness and success in life depend on it. 

The fact that you failed many times before does not make you a failure. To quote another famous proverb: "כִּ֤י שֶׁ֨בַע יִפּ֣וֹל צַדִּ֣יק וָקָ֑ם וּ֝רְשָׁעִ֗ים יִכָּשְׁל֥וּ בְרָעָֽה" This seems to indicate that success is the result of persevering in spite of failure. However, according to tradition this sentence conveys another meaning as well: success is due to prior failures, not in spite of them. Were it not for the failures and the lessons learned from them, success would not have been achieved.

When someone has a thought come to mind, there are two general ways things could go. They could either reject that thought immediately, or entertain it. Allowing that thought to remain gives it an opportunity to expand and develop into an idea. The longer someone keeps an idea in mind, the more difficult it becomes for them to redirect their focus to something different. There's another famous saying: "סוף מעשה במחשבה תחילה". The end action is the product of an initial thought; if a person keeps a particular idea in mind and allows it to grow, it will eventually manifest itself physically.

As long as a person is thinking about the problems of the past, they will keep making similar problems in the present. When you change your inner world, your outer world changes, and vice versa. When you approach things with a different outlook, the things you look at become different. If not you then who, if not now then when? In order for things around you to change, you have to change the way you think.

You know what the past was like. The future holds the possibilities which lie unmanifest. The present is the point at which that potential is realized and the unknown becomes the known. In order to fulfill your potential and create the kind of future you want, you have to have a vision of that possible future you want to realize. You can't do that if you're creating a future based on and limited by the past you know. You have to break free of those chains keeping you bound to the past and be willing to face the unknown. Only then can you become a victor over the circumstances of your life rather than a victim of the circumstances of your life. At that point, you will truly be free.

This goes beyond dealing with one particular struggle or another. It fundamentally has to do with why each and every person is alive. To use a metaphor, the challenges and struggles of life can be compared to stones. Some stones are heavier, some are lighter. Each has its own unique characteristics. Instead of viewing those stones as stumbling blocks placed in your way to hurt and discourage you, use them as stepping stones to lift yourself up to a higher level. There are a lot of ways you could interpret and elaborate upon the metaphor, but the most basic point is to use those stones for a higher purpose. When a person develops a greater perspective, instead of seeing limitation, they see opportunity.

Watching videos of Jordan Peterson, Dr. Joe Dispenza and Alan Watts has really helped me. I strongly suggest checking them out on YouTube.

I would also suggest reading/listening to the following books:

-Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

-The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

-The Master Key System

(You can find audiobook versions of the last 2 on a YouTube channel called The Master Key Society)

If this post was helpful, please do your part to help others. If you come across someone who needs help, go ahead and share this post with them.

Make it your mission to help a few people every day; it can be as simple as posting a comment with links to posts like this one. Together we will make the world a better place.

Best wishes and many blessings on your self improvement journey.