I want to share  something interesting that happened to me this past Thursday and it really got me thinking…

On Thursday there was a guy giving out free tablets with free 7 year service from the government (part of a coved relief program) so my wife called me and asked me if she should take one so I knew that if I have that in my house tonight with out a filter I will most probably fall and probably fall hard cause I didn’t watch for so long and the higher you are the big the drop… it was past the time that I can go to tag or any other filtering place… so the debate started in my head in a way it’s a free thing that me and my family will enjoy and I’m gonna filter it tomorrow first thing in the morning but on the other hand is it worth it I might wake up 2 in the morning and not be able to control myself and all my hard work all the struggling I went through till today to get were I am now will go straight down the drain and I’ll have to start again but than the other side was screaming but u miss it you love it it will only be a few min (ya right) ull only search the few things u love to watch etc. but to make a long story short I bh told my wife don’t take it we don’t need it.BH I won!!!!
But this is not the first time I won there were many times I won a nisyen but this time I felt very different afterwards. Like when I used to close the holes like put on filters or make strong kablahs etc I would go crazy after and get so depressed and think to my self why can’t I just live a free life and do what I want etc. but now I’m actually so happy that I won I’m thinking to myself bh I was saved from that trap I’m thankful to H’ that I don’t have access to all that shmutz  I’m not crying that I can’t have it… 
And all this got me thinking…what was it that really helped me get my life back? And the answer is- because I begged H’ for help! I remember like 2 years ago when I started to want to change my life for real to become a erlichah yid a and stop living a double life… after I used to fall I would cry many times and I used to think thoughts of depression and like what’s gonna be with me.. but once I realized I’m crying anyway let me at least cry to H’ to help me… many times I would open a tehilem and cry my heart out( I’m an emotional guy but if your not you can make urself emotional)…
And from then H’ sent many people and organizations (gye!) tohelp me and it was slow and I’m still not fully out but I’m much better than I use to be BH!
So I want to let the Olim know that the only way your gonna get really helped is with heart breaking תפלות to your father in haven who is waiting for it! Like there are so many things you all say anyway (hopefully) during davening but you don’t even realize what your saying… Here’s some example’s-
Like every morning we say a beautiful ברכה-אלקי נשמה it has such beautiful meaning and we say in the יהי רצון that we say after  ברכת-אל תביאן לא לידי חטא ׳וגו and than in אהבת עולם-ויחד לבבנו וגו׳ and in the יהי רצון that we say before putting on  תפלין- ומשאפה מצות תפלין… and this one I love at the end of שמנה עשרה in אלהי  נצור-ותצלילני מיצר הרע ! And also this beautiful פסק that we say in ובא לציון- שמרה זאת לעולם וגו׳ … we’re saying it anyway let’s at least think what were saying and have some כוונה! Maybe highlight these תפלות and stop a second before you start reading them and think the basic meanings of this powerful beautiful words… and even better if you can give a tear… the גמרה says שארי דמות לא נינאלו which means the gates of tears are not closed and if a yid cry’s for something he will be answered. And let’s not forget to daven for others רש״י this week פרשה says that someone that davens for someone else will get answered first… 
And Also one of the times I used to cry (and still do) is in this amazing beautiful זמר that I sing shabbos (I'm sure a lot of you do if you don't start this coming week you won't regret it!)it called יה אכסוף I would many times sob by some parts like פתח להם וגו׳ and וטהר לבם באמת... and ויהיו רחמיך! I remember my 3 year old son asking me why I'm crying and just smiled at him ... we're so lucky that we can daven and beg our father in haven for help... we just got do it!! Hope you all take at least one תפלה that's on this topic and say it a drop slower and with more כוונה.., you never know,this might just be the turning point to your better life!

Hey, I am moved by what you did, your dm stopped working?

Emes-a-Yid wrote on 27 Nov 2022 04:58:

It’s open and working again, thx for asking. 

Thank you this is helping me a lot 

Powerful it is.

another spot in Tefillah where I have this struggle in mind is by "ותחזינה עינינו בשובך לציון ברחמים", I beg Hashem that my eyes shall remain pure to be able to witness his return to ציון with his greatest mercy.

ytw wrote on 27 Jun 2023 16:02:

  בטהרת הקודש  מאמר שמירת עינים פ"ב  דעל העוצם עיניו מראות ברע נאמר ישעיה לג' טז'  "והוא מרומים ישכון", שלעתיד לבא לא יהא משכנו בין אנשים פשוטים אלא במרומי מרומים בין צדיקים וקדושי ארץ, כפי' התרגום שם. ואח"כ כתיב בהאי קרא "מצדות סלעים משגבו" ופי' התרגום בית מקדשא תסבע נפשיה, כלו' כי לא כל אחד יזכה לראות ביהמ"ק שלעתיד בבניינו, אבל להשומר את עיניו הבטיח הכתוב שבבית מקדשא תשבע נפשו, פי' לא רק בראיית עיניו אלא נפשו תרגיש בקדושת ביהמ"ק שלעתיד, ע"ש. וע"ז אנו מתפללים "ותחזינה עינינו בשובך לציון ברחמים", שאין אנו מבקשים סתם שתשוב לציון ברחמים אלא ותחזינה עינינו וכו', דנכלל בזה גם בקשה שנזכה אנחנו לראות "בעינינו", ולא נהיה מאלו שלא יזכו לראות ח"ו.

DavidT wrote on 27 Jun 2023 19:12:

Yasher Koach. 
I often have in mind in this by Tefilla as well.
Never saw the טהרת הקודש . It's beautiful. Thank you!!
I just went to look it up. he concludes with the following incredible Chizzuk:
 אֲבָל אִם אָדָם שׁוֹמֵר עֵינָיו, וְהָיָה יָכוֹל לְהִסְתַּכֵּל וּלְהַרְהֵר, וּמְעַצֵּר רוּחוֹ וְיִצְרוֹ מִלְּהִסְתַּכֵּל וּמִּלְהַרְהֵר, אָז בְּכָל רֶגַע בְּכָל אִשָּׁה שֶׁעוֹבֶרֶת, מְקַיֵים בָּזֶּה מִצְוָה, וְאָז נִבְרְאוּ מִזֶּה מַלְאָכִים קְדוֹשִׁים וּטְהוֹרִים שֶׁנִּקְרְאוּ עֵינַיִם דִכְתִיב (זכריה ד') עֵינֵי ה' מְשׁוֹטְטוֹת בְּכָל הָאָרֶץ, וְעַל זֶה אָמַר הַנָּבִיא שְֹאִי סָבִיב עֵינַיִךְ, וּרְאִי כֻּלָּם נִקְבְּצוּ בָּאוּ לָךְ, שֶׁלֹּא יֹאבַד אֲפִילוּ פַּעַם אַחַת שֶׁעָצַרְתָּ וְנִתְעַכַּבְתָּ מִלְּהִסְתַּכֵּל בִּשְׁבִיל ה', כֻּלָּם יִקְבְּצוּ לָךְ, כִּי כֻּלָּם כַּעֲדִי תִּלְבְּשִׁי וְתִקְשְׁרֵם כְּכַלָּה,