It's been very long since I last came to the GYE website. I only thought to come here now after I was called to give a donation to GYE. I had found that some of the ideas that the pros were suggesting were too out of reach for me. I don't feel like I can come out with this issue to anyone. Certainly not my wife. 

I had struggled with shmiras ainayim before internet, but clearly the internet is the worst part of the problem, ao that was the first thing that needed to be reversed. .

So I filtered my internet very tightly. No youtube. No news sites even such as Yeshiva World. I am basically only able to get email, financial things and similar. I made this known to my wife and family, but without saying that I ever fell with these things, only that I hold they are not appropriate for an ehrlicher Yid. My wife's computer does have more access but she knows that I therefore don't feel it's right for me to use her computer. I didn't see any clips of any recent events, not even the funeral of the queen of England. By my current way, I wouldn't even know what President Biden looks like. (Not that this would be triggering in any way ) My family knows that I feel this is the right way. That's as far as the internet is concerned. As far as looking around outside, I now refuse to go with my wife to certain places which are pritzusdik, including certain types of shopping malls. I have made it known that I hold that these things are all inappropriate for an ehrlicher Yid. 

In a nutshell, I have made an official presentation and statement of behaving these ways and that I hold to do differently is wrong, and so this is the new me.

I can't say that I'm perfect now, but it's a whole lot better.

I am trying to be ready to move on further. I keep on slipping through the internet, and sometimes even falling. The filtering certainly helps but not completely. Every day I am thinking I need to totally drop the internet. But I can't seem to do it. 

• I research things that I need to know for learning.
• I look for information how to fix things
• I receive emails (from frum people) about current events and I want to see the links that they are sending me. 

All of the above is totally benign, but in the world of internet, even benign things metastasize, and sometimes to things which are malignant.