Hello All,
Im Dan. Unfortunately Ive been addicted for yrs if not decades, leading to countless relapses along the way. I thought once I got married that the urge would melt away but it never did. Im sure you know how the story goes. Ive tried many "home made" remedies to no avail. But, today is day 90 for a new way which I thought I might share and possibly impact the kahal hakadosh.
One issue I found very hard was accountability. Of course I know that we should be accountable to Hashem, but he has seen me justify the most ludicrous things time and time again in my life.
I told my wife early on in our marriage and it worked for a couple of months but after a while either she was too wierded out by my addiction or forgot so we stopped talking about it. Hence the relapses came.
So, this year I decided to be proactive. I decided to give my wife a clean sheet of paper at the end of the month when I did not view any porn. Of course this was very hard but their is something very encouraging when I give her a laminated white paper at the end of the month. If someone discovers the paper, no one is the wiser, for it contains no information whatsoever as to why you are giving it to your wife. Your wife, will come to expect this at the end of every month and you dont want to disappoint her. Now, you have a constant check on your lifestyle, when the urge comes (and it does come) you remember and feel the embarrassment as to how you will fail to produce this paper. (Why a white paper? In soccer, a goalie is considered to have a "clean sheet" if he doesnt allow any goals, I thought the analogy was quite appropriate) This simple white laminated paper is beyond valuable bc all the money in the world cant purchase it.
Im not well learned but one thing I remember was that nevuah without an action doesnt come into being. If we apply this same idea to ourselves we can say real change does not apply until we take action and accountability.
I hope this helps.
Dan
