Thank God I have been clean now for 90 days, and hopefully He will allow me to be clean for many more. I first got on GYE 5 years ago and in that time I had many ups and downs (more downs than ups.) I always wondered am I an addict, and I still don't know that's the truth. But to admit powerlessness and to give lust and life over to God you don't have to be an addict. You just can't be in control. It was the scariest thing I ever did and now I wish I did it 5 years ago. I have "allowed" God to run my life and let go of trying to feel good, and in exchange He has given me everything, בַּכֹּל, מִכֹּל, כֹּל.
Thank you to everyone who has given me kind words over the years you all have a chelek in my growth and my journey. Thank you

It works if you work it!!! Kudos to you!

Unfortunately it seems that I am using the GYE website as a kind of "outlet" for my curiosity, this is a path I have been down to many times before to miss what happens if I stick around. I wish everyone the best of luck and my heartfelt love as you go through the struggle. much success.

I totally hear you on that

Mazel Tov!
And how are you doing? 

I had a fall yesterday. I am home for sukkos and that is really triggering for me. I felt so alone, when that happens my anxiety's start running rampant and then all bets are off. I am having terrible first night jitters and I decided that I would look to see if there was any articles that were any articles that could help me be better prepared. (spoiler there is not any that help) but I ended up on a site reading stories, some of them were more informative but other ones were pure garbage the ones that I hadn't read in 6 months. I was so horny that even though I was just reading I finished by accident. In a way one of the worst feelings of my life. I felt I betrayed everyone, myself my kallah my family and all of you. After that I went back and even read a couple more stories but then I exited it out and haven't looked back since. I'm right back on the wagon and I know the journey is going to be tough and that I'll make it through. The sadness that I feel is immense if I could take it all back I would but I can't. I told my kallah what happened which may have been the second dumbest thing I did yesterday. I know Hashem is taking care of me and is giving me the best and taking care of everything. 

Some self acceptance anyone?  If Hashem loves you and he gave you your struggle don't you think you can love yourself even if you struggle? Welcome to being a human being. Your going to be alright! in life we fall. Don't look behind you, look forward. Always. Even next time you fall. and the next. (and the next)