Check out my main thread on page 23 for the main reason for this thread.

If you like, disagree or dont care at all what I have to say, it's all good. This thread is to help me, and if along the way, I help fellow travelers, Mah Tov!

From Harvey A. 

Stinkin' thinkin'. It's out minds that got us into this mess, why do we think our minds can get us out of the mess. Our minds are the problem!

My thoughts:
Personally I think this applies to addicts and non addicts alike (whatever the hell that means). I think most of us strugglers here on GYE are smart in other areas of our life, so why when it comes here we are so dumb???

Well our mind in this area is obviously full of cobwebs.

For thoe who want a religous source. Any Chavush Matie Es Atzmo.

G-nite everyone.

When I came to GYE, I saw this point from Dov countless times, but it took me a long time to realize how true it was, and how I cant think myself out of those issues.

Hakolhevel wrote on 30 Jun 2022 04:52:

Love it 

Being a good spouse means you support and respect your spouse thru thick and thin. Those snide comments or pointing out issues when not necessary, can erode a marriage over time. If not the marriage the relationship. - From a friend 

I was traveling so I had no time to post. I learned a few things the last couple days.

One really good one was dont beat yourself up. This was from eli Nashs podcast, it was 5 minutes well worth the listen.

He said in his experience beating yourself up, never leads to anything good. So as righteous or correct it may feel to beat yourself up, if you are concerned with ever recovering . Don't beat your self up, because that will not lead you to your desired destination.

From No-Fap
what to do when one is aroused
Take a deep breath, acknowledge that you're sexually aroused, acknowledge that there's nothing wrong with this healthy and natural physical response. Then picture yourself taking that energy and channeling it into something productive. Acknowledge that this energy can either be disbursed through a selfish act of masturbation, or it can be harnessed like a generator in a water damn. You can take that energy and make something better. Too often we focus on holding the energy and telling ourselves not to use it until the damn breaks, and we neglect to channel that energy until your life. To power you through your goals and ambitions. Ride the lightning, better your life. The sexuality won't necessarily go away, but you will be fine and comfortable holding it.

My Take: I have heard Harvey A discuss a similar concept, this really brought it home.

Most importantly, to often we are trying to rid ourselves of the desire. So we fight and fight until we get rid of it with the only way we know how, by giving in. But what if we became comfortable, and accepted that we have this desire, but so what!!!

Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Jul 2022 05:00:

This is great !
Any practical ideas on where to channel the energy ? ( Aside from exercise)

i-man wrote on 08 Jul 2022 07:04:

Harvey A talks alot about, when he sees a beautiful woman he says a prayer "G-d whatever it is I sell in that woman let me find it in you"

To me, (and I haven't ued this trick alot) it's not about fighting or distracting the desire, its about channeing. So the action can be the same, but I feel the outoutcome is different. I'll give a few scenarios.

Say I'm aroused, I want to fight the desire so I go study Torah (Ive tried this many times). Now if I was studying to distract oor fight the desre, very often after the study session the desire come back in full strength. If however, when I sat down to learn I said, I accept I have this passion and desire, I'm going to channel it into learning, then I never ignored the passion, I used it, so after I'm done, it's no more (for now)

I used this aa few nights ago (this is for married men).

My wife was asleep, I got to my bed and I suddenly really wated to act out, I didnt ignore my desire, or fight it or even distract it with my wife, instead I went over and said, let me channel this passiom and feel passion tto my wife. No I didn't wake her up and have **x with her, but I went to lay next to her and allow myself feel feelings of love towards her 

This is very different from the past, where if I would get aroused, maybe Id convonce my wife, (right the YH is now well fed?) Only to act out after she fell asleep. That's because I never accped the desire for what it was, and just tried different tactics to ignore or "feed" it. Instead I need to chanel it.

I'm not sure all this makes sense, just sharing something that wored for me recently.

So if someone learns something from me, it's not because of who I am. If you learns something from someone else, it's not because of who they are. We are all bozos who occasionally get to be G-ds messenger to other people. So don't take yourself or others so seriously. 

Even trouble can be a messenger sometimes

 (loosley based on Harvey A)

Hakolhevel wrote on 13 Jul 2022 04:36:

i resemble that

Action eliminates overthinking. Inaction breeds it - Jon Acuff
so true so true. Back to the stinking thinking. It's time to stop thinking and time to start doing.

So something ive been thinking, and came up in conversation with another chaver.

A addict will typically not seek help unless life is really bad (actually or mentally). People with bad habits will not seek to change unless their bad ha it is causing them real life issues.

I wonder, for someone like me, I joined gye many years ago, and maybe for me it's been like life support. It keeps me well enough that I'm not acting out all the time, but it is a double edged sword. Being as I am clean most of the time (currently only acting out every one or two months) I dont have the push to really work at fixing this.

I feel deep down that even my monthly or bi-monthly escape is effecting my productivity, but its not obvious and painful. 

When I act out I typically get inspired and motivated to make life changes, and do daily work, but after a week or two the most it fizzles out.

THose who are successful seem to be doing daily work of some kind. 

anyone else experience this double edge sword issue, or have thoughts on it, or what you do?

Very well stated. I can join your club!Every once in awhile fall, get up and move on with life. Nothing drastic to force me to wake up and take major life altering steps to change.

Testing