Accept yourself as human buddy. Move on and don't dwell on it. Panicking about "i think i will fall", or being down about "i almost fell" are the yetzer hara at work.

"cordnoy" post=343754 date=1569329615 catid=19

Like usual, just writin' for myself, and somethin' I have written many times here:

Impo, one shouldn't hate 'em, bless 'em, blame 'em, fault 'em, pray for them, despise them, etc.

The moment the issue becomes about them (or 'em), you have lost.

It is about you/me. (And it might not be your fault either, but one that, dependin' on the situation, you might wanna remedy in some way, or not.)

Godspeed

cordnoy wrote on 24 Sep 2019 12:53:




Just unearthed this gem from Cordnoy

I’m going to reiterate what others already wrote, and that is that if you are here, it’s because you DO care. 

Psychologically we often stop caring not because we don’t care but because we care so much that it hurts to care. We, therefore, stop caring to protect ourselves from that feeling.

When we have tried to stop for so long and haven’t succeeded, we feel hurt again and again and again. And subconsciously, we need to stop feeling that hurt, so we become lackadaisical about it and just stop feeling anything.

On this website, under the Other Tools section, there is something called the W.I.T.Y. Exercise which you may find helpful.

.....
..... keep up the fight, the way I see it, you're not at the bottom of a hole and trying to climb out; you're halfway up Mount Everest and the going is getting rough!

I’m noticing how difficult it is this time without muting the pain by masturbating and watching porn. I’m actually feeling life. It’s not pleasant but there’s something more pleasant about feeling it than escaping from it. 
Urges are there. Urges will always be there. But I’m not giving in. 

Most people here struggled with the hypocrisy feelings. Maybe this concept will help you change your perspective:

For whatever reason Hashem has, we were raised in a generation that was highly exposed and triggering, yet nobody really educated us about these issues. Although we somehow knew that this stuff was bad, we, at our very young ages, did not really "get it". We also did not understand the habit forming nature of the issue.  A very choshuve rav has been quoted saying that this matzav should be viewed as childhood/adolescent trauma, and places the individual into the category of "onais". Of course that does not permit future acting out, but it makes one realize that it is ridiculous to judge one's self based on these actions. Here you have a guy who wears tzitzis and tefillin, davens and learns, gives tzedaka, is careful with Shabbos, kashrus, kibud av v'eim, shmiras halashon, shatnez, etc....and considers himself a rasha because he acted out on a habit that he is b'geder onais. Do you really think Hashem views all of us as reshaim, or rather as heroes - now that as mature adults we are putting shame on the side and reaching out for help?!