First of all, I thank Hashem for helping me in my worst moments.
If only i had known this incredible site before...
All started when I was like 9 years.
I had a computer with free internet access. I remember when, after arriving from school, i looked women without shirt. Not porn, but at my age was terrible. Slowly, I was feeding my desire. One day, my father realized what i was doing, and installed the k9 filter. But that was not enough. The years passed, and inside me, my desire get bigger. When i was 12, i was viewing a (at that moment, pleasant, but horrible) video about an unclothed woman when, suddenly and accidentally, i masturbate. and, for the last, it liked me.
i started masturbate 2 or 3 times a week, but then i met the horrible porn world. After that moment, I masturbate once or twice a day. Even when I turned Bar mitzva, in Israel, i continued masturbating.
That was the same for 2 years.
I tried all kind of Shiurim, books (like
If yo go to war, stuff like that) but nothing helped.
I prayed every day to Hashem for help me stop doing that. And one day, Hashem answered my prayers.
My rescue was in the
Sefer Orchot Tzadikkim (or
אורחות צדיקים) in Shaar Hateshuva or
Gate of repentance. That day, i stopped doing that.
Since that day, im studying mussar and thanking G-d for the help.
My story isn´t the most fascinating or the best, but i hope it will help you with any struggle you have.
I have to clarify that i wasn't as easy that it seemed. I didn't last a week before falling back. It was a very difficult battle.
In one hand, I knew that i was doing evil in front Hashem. But in the other, Porn was a normal part of my life, like eat, sleep or walk.
I stopped one day, two, three, maybe four, but i always did it back.
I remember days when i masturbate 3 times in a row! I believed i was lost, that Hashem hated me, "You will go to the Gehinnom/Hell", my Yetzer told me. But No! that were the typical fake desperate comments of the Yetzer Hara! You have to know, my friend, that our Yetzer, when he seems that He is lost, add more fuel to the fire, making us believe that we are the worst, that Hashem hates us. But, on the contrary, He loves us, much more than Tzaddikim/Righteous! He patiently waits us to change, to make Teshuva. When we achieve it, he will give us infinite love and a big Part in the Olam Haba/World to Come, because: "In the place a Baal Teshuva stands, anybody (even big Tzadikim) can stand".
So, it's time to get Chizuk and make a little change in our lives.
Hatzlacha leKulam (Good luck to all)
If you want direct help, contact me here in GYE: Im Yeshivaboy555.
Or, if you want, at my Email:
Yeshivaboy555@gmail.com
I will be there, Any day, Anytime.
Thanks,
Yeshivaboy555
