Hi this is my second post here (1st was the intro topic)

I want to be useful to other Yiddin in their own recovery process.

Feel free to ask me any questions. I am 100% open and honest to discuss anything. I can share my own experience on what it means to be in a recovery program for 6 years without any relapses, B"H.

"What works for me"

I am a fully committed and active member in my  local NA. That means sponsorship both have a sponsor and sponsor 5 men.

From the beginning of my recovery I have followed all the suggestions: 90 in 90, 3/4 house, sponsor, daily call to my sponsor, step work, service positions, home group, daily readings of literature and prayer and meditation.

I regularly contact other members and spend time in the atmosphere of recovery, that is my foundation from which other things become possible.

First and foremost I must always remember that I'm an addict I am always just one away from being caught in my disease.

My disease of addiction can manifest in many ways some more obvious than others. Protecting my recovery by being honest with fellow addicts about what is going on with me on a daily if not hourly basis is necessary for me to remain in the right direction and stay clean.

Learning self confidence and removing self consciousness from the root of my issues through step work with my sponsor has really started to unravel my core issues of self centered-ness.

This has slowly allowed me to open myself up in ways that I thought I could never improve.
Starting to get more involved in my Yiddishkeit has been a big area for me but it has effected my new marriage since she doesn't have a frum background like me or is even interested at all.

My issues don't overwhelm me or make me afraid or even think about using to deal with them.

The simple reasons is because I am an active NA member and I can always rely on the process of recovery no matter the situation I'm dealing with.

There's never a reason to use anymore!

How do you deal with fear/anxiety of falling again after being clean for a while? 
After being clean for 2 weeks and being triggered, while I didn't fall yet, I'm very afraid that the urge will increase and eventually I will fall and need to start recovery all over again.

Hi, thanks for your question.

The most important thing is sharing honestly with another who has had a similar experience and has made through it clean. This is the process of recovery, you are doing it!

First thing I want to say is that I have been clean from all mind and mood altering substances (drugs..) B"H, but I have only a few days off of porn from my phone, bli ayin hara.

I do believe that the recovery process can be applied to anything I want to change that is self destructive in my life.

​I can say is that my perspective on things have changed a lot through the recovery process that I'm actively involved in on a daily basis. Instead of direct answer I will look at what you wrote responsively.

"How do you deal.."

I don't do it alone. I deal by continually staying connected to the recovery process each day. For me that means daily prayer and meditation with HaShem. Meetings, sponsor, service and step work.

The support of the fellowship is my foundation from which all things are possible.

"after being clean for a while?"

There is no graduation from recovery, it is a life-long process of change  and growth. Complacency is a danger. If I ever become indifferent to recovery and say I don't need those meetings anymore I am headed for a relapse.

What the recovery process and the steps do is create a personal relationship and connection to HaShem. This helps me sometimes more than others in difficult situations especially when I am feel connected. So I try to do things daily that help me stay connected. I do what works for me. What makes me feel connected to HaShem.

"being triggered"

There is nothing more normal that for someone new to recovery to feel triggered and have urges. As an Addict that can and will happen especially when I'm new. The closer I am to my last using the stronger the pull will be.

Remember one thing when the thought to use comes: "It is just a thought I don't have to follow it." The thought and the feeling will pass as it always does.

"afraid that the urge will increase"

What happens with more time is the desire to use gets weaker and weaker with total abstinence. The fear though only changes through evidence of not using even when I  feel I must. In other words walking through that feeling with faith that I'll be okay even when I don't a ct out on it.

Realize  גם זה יעבור‎‎, gam zeh yaavor, "this too shall pass."

Remember HaShem is loving, kind and more powerful than us. And He wants the best for us.
His will is for us is not to use, our yetzer harah wants us to use. The choice is ultimately ours. We are not responsible for our disease but we responsible for our recovery and the consequences of our actions.

Today I choose not to pickup that first one because I know "one is too many and a thousand is never enough"

I hope we can continue to share with each other our struggles and triumphs to inspire each other and lift each other up.

I can't do it alone but we can do it together!