Hi everyone,
I've been thinking that the website is really loaded with great advice, but it would probably be helpful to some people (especially young people) to lay down the basic steps. So I'll try to start and I welcome your comments.
1) Accept the situation as G-D given regardless of how you got there. Don't feel bitter or frustrated. This disgusting filth that you find yourself in, is the fertile soil that the real "you" needs to grow from.
2) Accept that there is no quickfix hocus-pocus solution.
3) Take responsibility to deal with it in any and every way necessary.
4) Establish that you will not give up no matter how many times you chas vesholom fall.
5) Daven to Hashem to at least once a day to help you succeed
6) Stay away from bad places and from unrestricted internet as much as possible. Also keep busy.
(Now it starts getting more complicated.)
7) Figure out if the addiction is just a vicious cycle that feeds on itself (this can be the case even if it was originally started by something else) or is there a different source of anxiety, depression or whatever that is feeding it. If you can't figure it out by yourself, get help fast.
8) In the event that there is an outside cause, you need to know if it's just lack of fulfillment (or something similar) witch you can tackle by yourself or is it something deeper that you will need therapy for.
9) Make sure that any therapist that you go to appreciates the gravity of the sin (it's not necessarily enough that he/she is "frum").
10) In any and every case the main thing is to brake the cycle and not to give up.
11) Allways beware that the vulgar, despicable, monstrous menuval will try every trick imaginable (and unimaginable).
12) If at all possible, add time and energy to davening and torah learning. Often it can make the whole difference.
13) Make maximum use of this absolutely fantastic forum as well as the website, and subscibe to the email list.

Anyone who has anything to say about the accuracy, clarity or necessity of the above or if you have something to add, please comment.

Except for the fact that you spelled ACCEPT EXCEPT, you're write on.  I mean right on.

Except: Accept the fact that you have an addiction - a disease of connection to intimacy.

One thing which is vitally important, and I hope others will bear me out on this, is the
need to share and talk to others, not only on this forum.  Talk about how you feel,
and give others hope and strength. It's important to talk to Hashem and "Let Go and Let G-d. 
It's also important to be a member of a group and start to make new friends who you feel
comfortable with, sharing. 

As addicts we isolate ourselves, thinking no one would like us anyway, IF THEY ONLY KNEW.
But in actuality, our addiction is a blessing in that we're striving to perfect ourselves and our
midos, while others swim in the pool of indifference.

battleworn: Excellent and right on target!

Elya K. : You are write on as well!  ;D

I love that expression: "Let Go and Let G-d"


Chazak V'Ematz!

Thank you all very much,
  :)It's a real tremendous zechus for me to be able to join you guys in the great mitzvah of zikuy harabim
Chazal say that someone who is mizakeh harabim has protection from sin, which is something we can definitely use.
guardureyes, I'm really glad that you found my post worthy for the email. Thank you for the zechus.
Elya, thank you for the correction and especially for your compliment. The pasuk says (I forgot where)"Letaava yevakesh nifrad" being isolated actually causes one to go after his taavah. I would also like to comment about your last point. I've come to understand that we are the "special forces" that were sent to fight the loathsome, wicked menuval behind the enemy lines. And everyone is depending on us. We were entrusted with a tremendous responsibility, not quite something to feel inferior about.

:)Chevra, this is something new and amazing, we're coming to Rosh Hashana with a plan. That's the most important part of teshuva. And we also have each other. This is great and it's all thanks to guardureyes, he should be blessed with all the berochos there could possibly be. And so should the rest of you.I want to suggest that we all agree to daven for each other. It dosen't matter that we don't know the names, Hashem knows. And anyway what better names to use than these, that are used for teshuva and zikuy harabim. so what do you think.

Great Idea! Chaza"l say that one who davens for his friend is answered first!

I know this may sound crazy, but almost every day when I daven the Bracha of Refaenu, and I insert a list of names of people who need a refuah Shelaima, I add "The Chevra on Guardureyes.com who so desperately and sincerely want to rid themselves of the disease/addiction of internet porn and masturbation, amongst the other ill people in Klal Yisroel"

Chevrah, we need each others prayers just as much as we need each others chizzuk!

Chazak V'Ematz!

To everyone:

  This may be my last post until after R"H. I would like to wish everyone a Chasiva V'chasima Tovah.......

It is important to point out to everyone, myself included. When Chaza"l say that even the greatest tzadik cannot stand where a Ba'al Tshuva stands, this is not referring to a Ba'al Tshuvah that was not brought up frum, and then came to take on mitzvos, i.e. a tinuk Sh'nishbah. (this is my understanding). But, rather, to those of us who have been keeping mitzvos, then left and  gone astray to taste the "forbidden fruits", and then even after having experienced the "enjoyment" of sin, give it all up for Hashem. Why, because Hashem is King!  This is the one that the complete tzadik, (one that has never ever tasted these sins)  cannot stand in his place, the place  of the one who has left, and then returned to Hashem.
    When we do return to Hashem, then it turns out that those very nafilos, the very low places that we went to, they themselves become the catalysts for catapulting us to places even higher than those of the complete tzadik.
  And now something from the sefer Shomer Emunim from Rav Rotha Zt"l.  Through Hashems kindess. There is not one avodah that is ever lost. This means that even if one wishes to give tzdakah, but he does not have the opportunity, his desire to give does not get lost, but rather when someone else does give tzdakah, (and he really doesn't want to part with his money), his action of giving becomes connected with the desire of the one who couldn't give, and then the avodah becomes complete and it goes up. For the avodah to go up, it must be complete. One who gives tzdakah, but he really doesn't want to, he has the physical action but he is lacking the heart behind it.
  So, I was thinking. All of us who have a true desire to purify ourselves, just this desire alone is so great, that it will never be lost. Even if there is a fall here and there, the desire alone is so kadosh that it will be combined somewhere with another's physical shmirat habrit, (one who has no temptations), and...his shmirah is combined with the others ratzone (desire) to be shomer, and both of their avodahs go up whole and complete to shamayim before Hashem.

Hashem loves All of Us
     

 

me,

There is a week til Rosh Hashana, why would we not hear from you in a full week? :-)

In any case, I want to wish you, and everyone else on this forum, and all of Klal Yisroel a Kesiva VeChasima Tova! May we all merit to hear the Shofar of Moshiach THIS Rosh Hashana!!!

Chazak V'Ematz!

Not everyone who is addicted suffers from the vicious cycle of endless guilt, frustration, and yiush (hopelessness) but many of us do. It is for them that I'd like to post here my thoughts and what I learned from experience on the matter.

There are two main components to the vicious cycle: Misconceptions and hergel (how should I say that in English?)

I'll discuss hergel first just because it's short.

Anything that has gotten ingrained in a person, obviously (or at-least it should be obvious)takes time to change. This applies equally to the way we behave as well as the way we think. We can only succeed in changing if we persevere. So for each and every one of the components of the vicious cycle, patience and perseverance are of critical importance.

My time is up for today, Be'H I'll continue next week

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