False Pleasure versus True pleasure

I call false pleasure any activity which gives the body an immediate sense of pleasure, but in the long term results in pain, loss, failure, or illness. 

It offers immediate rewards and in the end leaves you empty of exactly these same rewards or pleasures. Some examples of false pleasures: 

	Short term rewards	Long term results
Smoking cigarettes	Physical pleasure, feel good	Sickness, Illness, Emotional Problems, Pain
Drugs	Mental and Physical Pleasure , Euphoria	Addiction, Illness, Shame, Crime, Pain
Forbidden sexual relations	Emotional Pleasure	Emotional problems, Shame, Illness, Social  punishment, Poverty, Pain
Immodest Internet	Quick cheap easy pleasure	Shame, Emotional Problems, Loss of opportunities, Illness, A bad habit that takes up your strength and can only worsen, Pain

Instead of the quick, cheap and easy pleasure, that immodest internet offered , you are left without the very things you wanted.
Now the pleasures are costly and hard to find because of the problems created by immodest internet. 


What is wrong with a quick and easy pleasure? 

I think we all have a task to fulfill in this world, we were not put here to while away our time. While it is not a slave drive it is usually not quick , cheap and easy either.
One has to accept that it is that way and to live that way.
If you have this mind frame it easier to accept that at the present you do not have all you wish you did. 

How do you know what is real pleasure that you should enjoy and what is false pleasure that you should not?

In my opinion, everything the Torah forbids is false pleasure. 
There are things the Torah prohibits that would seem to a naïve person to be okay.
But their ill effects are felt only in the long term. In the short term we do not see how this can cause problems. 

Gazing at immodest internet is definitely false pleasure. Like a drug addict (heaven forbid), in the long term you will not be able to say it was pleasure. 

Example of real pleasure:
Shabbat
Mikvah
Marital intimacy
Good food
Family 

Examples of fake pleasure:
Immodest Internet
Forbidden sexual relations
Theft 

Even so did the Holy One, blessed be He, speak unto Israel: ‘My children! I created the Evil Desire, but I [also] created the Torah, as its antidote; if you occupy yourselves with the Torah, you will not be delivered into his hand."

I think for me the best litmus test of if something is real pleasure or artificial dangerous pleasure is whether or not I am giving or taking.
For example, learning with my children I am giving but the pleasure of the Nachas is real authentic pleasure.
When I am enjoying the Shabbos Seudah with good food, zemiros, torah and a great family conversation and maybe even an occasional guest I can focus on the avodas hashem, yiddishe nachas and spending time with my family, authentic long lasting pleasure. While if I focus on eating the food for me, it feels good while the food is going down, but afterwards i feel bloated and ichy.
It is a big change for me and a different type of pleasure but once "I developed the taste" for it I can experience true pleasure rather than the empty shell of indulgence.

I heard from rav fishel shachter and others (I don't remember the source) that a person has a certain amount of pleasure written down for him on rosh hashana, so holding oneself back from false pleasure doesn't decrease pleasure, he is just saving it for a good pleasure.

And if one indulges in false pleasure C"V then he will lose the pleasure of nachas, shalom bayis, etc...

 

Mesayin wrote on 10 Mar 2016 21:38:


I've heard things like that many times, and they haven't helped so much, bc when I stopped with all this stuff I expected the real pleasure to come- and it didn't. Shalom Bayis got worse, some other things got worse. It's so much easier to cope with things when you have a drug to escape to.

But then I realized that the pleasure is actually living- through all the stress, problems, etc being alive and NOT escaping, while painful as heck sometimes (are we allowed to say h*ll?) is actually the pleasure of living and growing.

anonymous_14: What is your story? How is sobriety going for you? Did this knowledge help you stay clean?

Hey Shlomo

Youre like passing this guy that designed a car with no wheels, and you go

beep beep beep are you ok do you need anything?

He has his own problems and not interested in our CARmaraderie

I know I don't always say the right things in the forum, but there's one thing worse - shutting communication which is why our anonymous friend is rocking with record karmas in this place

The forum is designed for great communion, so if someone isn't interested in that, there are another 1.1 billion websites out there...

OOO a little harsh Markz.

I hope it's not your aspeis gettin' the best of you.

 

Why did you write that in size tiny tiny??

I know that I'm more direct than many other guys here, I often say it like it is

Ok for your sake mesayin I'm gonna clone myself and make myself like one of you cuddly waddly guys for the next 5 min (and drop eggs on the floor ayin be-chat)

anonymous_14 wrote on 10 Mar 2016 12:00:


Where did you get this idea that anything that the Torah prohibits is a false pleasure? I think you're bordering on kefirah- bc someone will be able to prove to you that it's not true, and then they'll feel that they can go do whatever they want.

For example, slaughtered vs unslaughtered meat, same species? What's false about that? Food with truma not taken off, what's false about that? Or bishul akum?

Or orlah, what's false about that?

The reason we don't donehat the Torah told us not to is bc Hashem said so. Yes, it is for out good, but we don't always understand how.

Often people who feel the need to leech to others without even knowing them have a guilt issue or a complex. Are you really preaching to yourself? Do you struggle with this issue?

If not and people here are telling you you're hurting their recovery and you're being מצער them, then might this be אונאת דברים? In fact, it might be the classic דאורייתא case of telling a Baal Teshuva, as many here are that they should be זוכר מעשיהם הראשונים.

It also might be לא תשא עליו חטא which might make your תוכחה אסור. You should probably ask a sheila. This might be a serious issue.

If you would like to talk to me privately about it, send me a PM.

markz wrote on 10 Mar 2016 23:06:

I thought I was opening up communication.

Mr A14 has a history of starting a thread, usually with mussar like this, and others comment and get annoyed, and he shows up again some other time with a new shpiel. He also never said if he struggles or not, so it's difficult to listen to his stuff (bad word changed).

A forum is meant for conversation; sadly, he ain't interested.

Personally, I don't even read his stuff, I just look to see if it needs moderating.

B'hatzlachah to all.