I'm starting to post the things that I'm learning and have learned in my journey so that it can possibly help for others, and also keep me connected to the amazing, growing people on this forum. I'll try to put a link to my original story in my signature, but till I do that here it is in short. Twelve years of masturbation and pornogrpahy issues, got found out by my wife five years ago, and stopped pornography and much less masturbation but still slipping often and Shmiras Einayim terrible.
Here's what I've learned-

1) There isn't any one right way to find recovery, and you can learn from anyone. People on the forums do everything from twelve steps to methods dealing with teachings of the Arizal. You can learn from everyone, and you have to find what will work for you.

2) you have to really want it and be committed. So many times WE KNOW- that the "oops I had a fall, I'm so sad" was waiting to happen and we weren't willing to do enough for it not to happen. If I want to stop, it's not enough to want to stop watching porn- will I stop watching R movies or googling female actresses? If not, I'm not comitting.

3) We have to learn from our own obsessive thinking. Does over filtering trigger you? Does doing the ninety day count? You have to figure out and be honest with yourself about what is and isn't helpful for you in recovery. For me, every new filter was a problem when it was too severe, bc then I wanted to figure out how to crack it.

4) Paradoxically to what I wrote in number three, when you want to quit these things will often only help because you are looking to be successful.

5) Fix your life. If you feel like a piece of dirt then you're going to have a hole that needs filling, and acting out may fill that. Work on yourself so that here isn't this big gaping hole that needs to be filled with addiction.

6) At the same time as you're trying to live life, make sure that you're working hard on your recovery program. The reason is simple- when you feel that you're not working, you might have so much shame and guilt about it that you will want to act out. So work on it.

More to come a different time, but I have to say how grateful I am for this site. I know many say that it's anonymous and isn't as good as face to face groups, but for me (and I've done face to face groups, therapy, etc) I've learned as much helpful stuff here as anywhere.

Thanks for listening.

Great stuff!!!!!!!

#2 is in my avatar msg

markz wrote:


Markz, if I said the same thing as you, I'm getting something right! I use a ton of stuff in your signature- lots of truck towing!

Here's another thing I learned. If I have to reset my count because I intentionally looked at something and act out because- hey, I fell already so I couldn't stop, OR if because I found a loophole in my filter I acted out, then for me what that says is that I am placing too much responsibility of sobriety on my chart, filter, etc and NOT ME.
It may sound simple but till now I came to GYE I would often (not always) say "that's the way my brain works". After reading around here, I realized that it's MY responsibility. It's amazing how much better things became after that:

Workingguy wrote:


Yes, whichever part of me it is, it is "me" that needs fixin'.

B'hatzlachah