Hay. Sorry that i haven't posted recently.

Ok, for systems. Over the past few years i have had many different systems that have all failed due to the fact that i had no knowledge of my body and how it works. Recently however, i have learnt more about myself and what drives me to do things which i hate.
I started listening to a class titled "The Fight" by Rabbi Bentzion Shafier, which by the way i reccomend everyone to listen to. It is a greaat program that helps me learn about my desires, my lusts, my goals, my drives, ect. It has given me a keen insite as to how the satan and taavah works. As we all know, step one of the 12-steps is admitting that i have an addiction, a problem, a lust,and i must work on it. Without admitting your problem, you will get nowhere.
Secondly, which R' Shafier speaks about is that i did not choose to have these drives and desires, i didnt wake up in the morning and say, "You know what i would love right now, I want taavah, i want to feel like i need to watch inappropriate material. I want to feel like i have no control." That person would be crazy. We didnt ask god for desires but at the same time Hashem did not give us this desire for no reason. God has a master plan. You were put in this life setting because it was tailor made for YOU, YES YOU. You have a specific goal and a specific challenge on this world.

I think these to ideas of admission to my addiction and knowing that i was put in a tailor made setting is the first step in growth. You need motivation, you need a strong, strong will power, you need a system, but the first step is to know these two things.

These two ideas are especially relevant for the many of us who are about to embark in a long break for Pesach. And if your saying right now "this Pesach, I AM NOT GONNA WATCH PORN, i am going to stay clean for two weeks straight without a fall" I guarantee you that you will fall, especially if you dont admit your, or really all of our, addictions, problems, lusts, ect. We have to have the mindset that most probably, i will fall, i will get knocked down, but number one is, i didnt ask for this and number two that i have all the tools i need to grow. And lastly, even when i do fall, i know tomorrow i will get back up and fight the fight, i wont stay on the ground. Even if i get out of line, right now im done, i know i lost, but tomorrow, i will be back and ready to fight, i will get back into the ring and give it my all, each and every day! REMEMBER, WE CAN DO THIS. GOOD LUCK

I Wish you all a chag kashur vi'samaiach.

Tell me what you think

I personally got lot of chizuk out of the "The Fight" by Rabbi Bentzion Shafier,

Keep on working

Thanks for the recommendation; I should look into those shiurim.

I like what you said a lot, urbank. Most people breeze through the first step, maybe paying it lip-service -- "Yeah, I'm an addict." -- just to get to the next 11 steps. But how many of us really meditate on what it means to be an addict, why we're addicts, when we became addicts (or put better, when did we start acting on our addictions).

Urbank, I'm curious about your use of the word, "system," and would love to hear more about your approach. My understanding is that the 12-steps is a process, as opposed to a system, which implies a level of control on the part of the addict. This could just be a matter of word-choice, and I'm very new to working the steps, so apologies in advance. But I'd love your insights on the matter.

Mr. Urbank,

I have no idea if you are an addict or not - you seem to have written you are.
You mention the steps.
then you continue on that we have the ability and we can win.
perhaps you do, and perhaps others do.

that, however, is not what the steps or the book is about.
admittin' defeat and powerlessness is exactly the opposite.
We cannot win; we admit defeat over and over again.
we give up the fight; surrender.

then, we move on.

b'hatzlachah to whatever works.

Thanks for the replies.

When I said systems, I meant a way to go about the way to "win" this fight. Like I said, we will never be perfect. But as I have learnt from r shafier, there is a way to go about it. Tell me what you think about that.

As for the powerlessness, I agree with you. But again, there has to be a way which we help ourselves out and not just say "I'm powerless,I can't do anything". We say this to understand that this challenge is to hard to pass all on our own and if we try to fight it thinking that we will be 100% clean then you will fail. we must ask Hashem every day, " I need your help, this battle is to hard for me".

R' Shafier points out that sometimes, the fight isn't how perfect we are like the 90 day chart pushes. Its about how I get up brush myself off and get back in the rink. "today I failed, tommorow I am getting right back out there to fight again.

As for Mr. Cordnoy, again, winning in the sense that I win 25%, 15%, or even 5% of the fights but winning some so that taavah does not take control of our bodies. R' Shafier says, the fundamental difference between AA and here Is that by AA, you can not touch another drop of booze or u will be toast. By taavah, this is NOT the fundamental part, it is winning part of the battles. tell me what u think.

I don't really understand.
the fundamental part is to live life.
The percentages of victories make no difference to me.
Yesterday's fall or two days ago's victory means nothin' for the present moment before me.
That is all that counts, and for that, i need to make the right decisions in order to reach out and connect to God that I therefore will do the right thing. Only thru His help, enablin' me, assistin' me and allowin' me.

b'hatzlachah