Hello,
I have not yet read through all the articles on this site so I apologize if this was already mentioned. But when I was in Yeshiva, my Rebbi gave us the following controversial advice. He said that if you are struggling with masturbation, set yourself a schedule. This simple piece of advice had a profound impact on my life. I set myself a schedule and followed it religiously. I allowed myself to fall without any feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, anger or resentment towards G-d. I immediately felt free and happy with a clear mind. I would still have the desire to fall during unscheduled times but I was able to hold back. I would tell myself I could wait just another day. Plus it would be more enjoyable then as it would not come with the guilty anxious feelings. So I was able to learn self control which built up my confidence. Slowly over time I was able to extend the days in between falls. First it was one day, then two, then three, then a whole week, etc. It wasn't long before I was able to totally prevail with G-d's help. I am forever grateful for my Rebbi's advice. May all of our struggles be a zchus-

forthekidnapped3

This didn't work for me.

Shortly before I joined GYE, I had a brilliant plan of how I was going to put an end to all of this.

I would allow myself to fall as much as I wanted all week - except for one day. After a certain amount of time, I would increase it to two clean days a week, and then to three, until I would wean myself off it completely.

I chose Friday to be my clean day. It was a "short" day being that I would be busy with Erev Shabbos stuff and then Shabbos would come in.

Seemed like a great plan to me. Until Friday actually showed up, and then I rationalized my way into falling. After a few Fridays came and went, I decided that my clean day would be Shabbos/Motzei Shabbos, a day when I wouldn't have internet access for most of the day and then would only have a couple of hours before I could just go to bed.

Seemed like a great plan to me. Until Motzei Shabbos showed up, and then my wife went out for a Melaveh Malka. Opportunity presented itself and I couldn't hold back. The following Motzei Shabbosos also didn't happen, and that was the end of that.

Bottom line is, the more you feed it, the more you want it. Tell yourself it's ok in one circumstance, and the lines become blurred.

The only way to stop is to just say no.

Skeptical,
I'm sorry it did not work for you. I hope you have found your own way. I'm not sure if the only way to stop is to just say no and try to go cold turkey. Sometimes instead of tackling the problem head on, you have to trick your psyche. It may not be for everyone, but I do believe that that is the explanation of the pasuk - "Machashavos B'Eitzah Tikon, Uv'tachbulos Asei Milchama" (Mishlei 20:18) I agree that the more you feed it the more you want it. The question is how to get to that point of not feeding it. If you have not found another way I would say that allowing yourself to fall as much as you wanted all week is not called making a schedule. It has to be on a schedule...whether every ten minutes, ten hours or ten days, as long as its a schedule. Further, perhaps you took on more than you could handle. Instead of an entire clean day, set aside a clean hour, a clean 10 minutes or just simply counting to 10 before clicking the mouse and be consistent. Consistency is key. I am no Rav so please consult with a competent person. These are just my thoughts.

Hello and welcome to the Forum

Certainly a line needs to be draw regarding simple "lack of self control and experimentation" with "addiction". If the issue is self control then using time slots if a tried and tested method of gained self control.
Addiction - Is the using of sex etc to self medicate and drug ourself out of pain. For an addict his negativity and lack of connection causes a spiritual/emotional/psychological pain and PAIN needs painkillers (sex) I would never say - If I had back pain - I will start by not feeling pain for 10 minutes and increase to 10 days!! - It simply would not work.

An addict needs healing and that is the 12 steps. He needs to take the thron of Krim thinking out of his foot instead of taking sex painkillers.


With the deepest blessings


Charlie1

Whatever works for you is great.

Sadly, this method will not work for me, and from bein' on this forum for over a year, will not work for many others.

I apologize beforehand, but when an idea is mentioned here as an advice that is counterproductive to the public, it must be called out as such.

This is not an idea that anyone should try unless they speak to their Rav or their therapist.

sorry again.

You should have continued hatzlachah in your recovery efforts.

cordnoy,
Brother, I did not mean to offend anyone here. That was certainly not my intention. As I mentioned, everyone needs to speak with a competent person in these areas, such as a Rav or therapist who can guide them in their individual path to recovery. I do not claim to be competent in this area and certainly not for addicts. However, as charlie1 mentioned, a line needs to be draw regarding simple lack of self control and experimentation with addiction. Addicts need the 12 steps. I don't know how many people reading these posts are addicts or simply lack self control. I think for the latter group, this method may prove to be helpful.
Stay strong brother.

I do not take any offense for whatever anyone says.

I am outspoken on this site.
I speak my mind and I am open.

IMHO, nobody should listen to that advice comin' from an anonymous poster.

As MBJ says below....it might, just might, work for certain individuals, but...

I have been very strongly vocal regardin' teens comin' to this site and hearin' different ideas and takin' it to heart. When posters are anonymous, one idea looks as good as the other. What should they do? The powers that be granted a thread for teens and that is a start in the right direction. I applaud them for it. However, they, and other naïve people are here as well. I cannot sit still and watch as someone (with I'm sure good intentions) posts somethin' as radical (and granted you wrote that it's controversial) as this: to religiously adhere to a schedule of masturbatin' every other day, or twice a week at chatzos halaylah, or whenever one's wife shrugs her shoulder at him. It is somethin' that I never heard of. It is somethin' that has not been endorsed or suggested or approved by the founders or advisors of this site, and therefore I must be vocal.

Perhaps others will chime in why I am wrong, and then I will back down.

until then, I apologize for my tone above, and at the same time, I suggest to any reader of this thread to read what I wrote, and not entertain this suggestion in a practical matter at all. again, I repeat that if a Rav or a therapist suggests somethin' kal hakavod! otherwise, it should be discarded.

b'hatzlachah

cordnoy,

I would not call it asinine since it seemed to have worked for 4tK3.

Not every solution is good for every person, but there is a solution out there for everyone.

I have always felt that I have two problems: an incredibly strong habit formed from 20 years of self sex and fantasy, and an emotional dependence on lust as a means of medicating me from my problems. When I started getting really heavy into internet porn and masturbation years ago I was probably not yet an addict, I just felt great and I loved doing it. It was a thrill. (Though admittedly I have always been kind of off.)

Maybe just maybe, for kids or adults who are fighting a thrill and a habit, using this method of learning to progressively strengthen your willpower is a good idea. Having a day for guilt free acting out once every x-days may not be a bad way of avoiding those guilt-filled spirals of death that many here seem to experience.

You are right, for me it would not work, for you and skep it would not work. I know this from experience, and so do you guys. But maybe for some it is ok. Of course it can be horribly abused and used by people as an excuse to act out without any real desire to stop and extend the time between masturbations, but really what thing can't be corrupted. If it helps even one person get free, for me it should be out there. Better to try and fail, then to not try at all. The only real failure is giving up altogether.

Honestly, I think he was really fortunate to have a Rebbi who was willing to speak so openly and frankly about this. I don't know what may or may not have happened had my Rebbeim been so open. I do remember sitting in shiur, falling asleep day after day because I was up late the night before surfing porn. All the while thinking, does my Rebbi have any clue what I am up to?

Thank you.

I edited both posts above slightly.

It seems that the focus of the advice was on proving to yourself that you are able to control yourself. First ten minutes, then more, 'till your free! (As opposed to allowing yourself a 'guilt free' chance to act out as a REWARD for abstaining for a certain amount of time)
As long as the attitude is 'instead of perpetuating a vicious cycle by getting depressed that I fell, I will FOCUS on my success that I kept clean during X amount of time', this seems to be good mainstream advice for regular strugglers (but maybe not for addicts).