cordnoy wrote:


exactly my point.
that is why the advice from m.t wasn't so practical,
i was suggesting he should advise something that is geared to someone who is not willing or able to deal or face with the fact that his hobby is destructive,
i should add that in my case it may be harder than even your peckel of problems, because many people would say "big deal a movie or two", it is not an accepted evil thing per se, so it is harder to convince myself that i gotta totally quit. and it sure bothers me that some may watch a little without being sucked in, and by me it kinda disables my good functions etc.

I have watched some great movies in my day although I haven't watched in years. Every movie I watched always led to an eventual fall because there is always a captivating female character whose image remains ingrained in my mind until I fall.
May the RBS"O help you rid yourself of watching movies.

Seriously, what a phenomenal thread.

I very much relate to Cordnoy's point of it all being the same, AND to Lavi's point, that movies has the pull of 'nisht giferlach- I could be doing worse'.

I get hit with both.

Sometimes I get this obsession in my head, that pulls me to do what's clearly bad.

Other times, I'm in a strong enough frame of mind that I won't allow myself to simply jump off the cliff. And I feel like the yetzer hara is keenly aware of that. So that's when he switches gears, and uses his second method.

Sometimes he tells me to just do some 'random' searches. Other times, that I deserve to unwind, and that a good movie is relaxing, healthy, and brilliant (נפלאות הבורא, חכמה בגויים- I'm not kidding!).

Of course he conveniently helps me forget the obvious. That it's ossur, period. (I didn't go through all the posts, but on Lavi's thread, I think it's safe to assume that that's a given.)

The second method he uses is, in other words,
היום אומר לך עשה כך......

Lavi, I agree with Pischoshelmachat.

When I'm being truthful with myself, i see that both when watching tv and watching movies, I'm only half watching the program, the other half, the addicted half is busy ogling and appreciating any female flesh or form that flashes across the screen.

So my question to you is, do you honestly think you watch just the movie or the show? Or like me and other addicts do you get easily distracted and focus instead on the triggers flashing across the screen?

When I read in the stories from addicts in recovery, they talk about being at peace with the facts that they're addicts and always will be. Part of my getting to recovery (and it sounds like yours) is making peace with the fact that I am an addict in every aspect of life. I cannot watch a tv show or movie like a regular person because my addiction doesn't watch the show or movie, it watches the triggers.

So all arguments from a normal, non- addict perspective are moot.

thank-you chevra for your feedback,

you all said things which i can relate to.
it so happens to be, that when discussing mutar or assur, although a lot of people need to know what is clearly assur, sometimes it is better not to get into it, because even though some things are technically ok, they can lead to worse things than a standard aveira, [and deep down, i don't even really WANT to EVEN be pulled to any distraction]
right now, i'm trying to make my life more busy and productive, because i find that a good tool to ward off movies and lust and the rest of the junk.
although i have to mention that i do have a personal matter, that i would like to discuss with a gadol [in depth], which also bothers me.
it seems that simchas hachaim and a clear conscience are my priorities,[ as well as gye!!!!]

כי בשמחה תצאו Simple and plain joy is enough to get the jew out of all the מצרים (metzarim ) that surround him . ויאר בצר להם בשמעו את רינתם The Choze of Lublin said when does Hashem listens and saves the jew from his צרות ? When the jew is happy with all that happens to him . KUTGW !

lavi wrote:


The best סור מרע is עשה טוב!

lavi wrote:
can very much relate.

Please can the chevra give some suggestions to de stress without reverting to movies.

I mean really de-stress.

The other day I had a really stressful evening due to work. I found only after watching a movie I felt my tight feeling chest literally relax.

Looking forward to hearing your suggestions.

How about taking a walk, and/or finding a personal trainer?

I watched the Giants yesterday in the afternoon-and I fought to keep myself flipping channels on basic cable during the unwatchable portions of the game-it wasn't easy-but I survived.

I have alternate de-stressers, but....that's why I'm here in the first place.

How about taking a DEEP BREATH! IN AND OUT! Do that several of times. Turn the frown upside down and remember that everything is going to turn out just fine!

dms1234 wrote:


dms,
i love you and your positive attitude towards things,
but your breathing trick won't work for me in a movie challenge, here's why:

sometimes we get a challenge that is based on what we do in the moment/minute, that is facing us, and if we can just ride the wave a short time, then we can make it,
in such cases i can relate/us the breathing/smiling/ techniques.

but if you got quiet and privacy, with hours in front of you, and you want to be entertained....or to try and forget your troubles.....i gotta to come up with something stronger.

lavi wrote:


Lavi, you got an hour or more? Go be a helper. Visit someone who's sick. Pay a shiva call. Call your parents and/or grandparents. Go tape up siddurim in your shul that need repair. Volunteer for a charitable organization. There is no shortage of gemilut chasadim you could do.

30 minutes or less?
Open your mouth and express some gratitude to your Creator. Thank Him for your:
Health, Heart, lungs, brain, eyes, muscles, joints, organs, etc.
Your family- anything and all that they've done for you.
Your job,
Your home, etc. Focus only on the positive.

Everyone wants a magic pill. My old lady clients don't want to put in the exercise necessary daily to be physically fit. They want a shot, a pill, or a miracle. There is none. it takes hard work.

Have free time and don't want to act out or do activities that will lead to acting out?there's no easy tip that works. You gotta put in the hard work. Kindness to others and gratitude to Hashem.

That's it. Simple but hard. Now get to it.

I know you can :-)

Talk to Hashem? Ask him to help you do his will not yours. And when you finally accept his will that its not good to watch movies then you can take that deep breath.

We can't just rely on tools for the rest of our life, we need something stronger (as you said) but WAY stronger. Like Hashem and an BIG attitude change (His will not ours).

I think thats something Dov would say. On second thought, its too short to be a post by Dov.

Actually no; I do not think Dov would say that.
He does speak about God, but only after one uses the tools of recovery.
God this and God that won't get us too far (if you're an addict) as big as God is.
When you work a recovery program, then you can allow God into your life.

Perhaps one day, I will be zoche.

b'hatzlachah