I found on the web a record that I used to listen to when I was little, when I used to hide in the bathroom, then I would beat myself up afterwards and I would sing these songs to myself to strengthen myself and not be crushed by the guilt.

I am allowing myself to be flooded by regrets about the years I wasted, I am sitting here and sobbing uncontrollably.

Here, take a tissue, blow your nose, wipe your tears.

Crying can make you feel better sometimes.

KOT Brother.

(I have nothing to say, I am simply standing next to you to let you know that you have our support)

Thank you!

It only lasted a few minutes, I just wanted to share because usually I don't let go of the steering wheel, so to speak, and I don't have much to share.

I have regret because I have wasted a lot of time mas***** alone instead of strengthening my relationships. I often regret all the time that I've lost. How do you guys deal with regret?

Wallowing in regret will just inhibit your recovery. Being down, depressed, or upset about it will not help you at all. Just the opposite. Live in the moment.

It sounds great to live in the moment. That's actually one goal that I always wanted to reach. I always wanted to be able to tap into the present energy. They problem is that I don't know how. Maybe you guys know ways of deliberately tapping into the present energy. Like what am I supposed to be thinking.?

Forget about the past.
Don't think about the future.
and then.....
BOOM you are in the present.
(Easier said than done)

Unanumun got it to the T. I totally understand what you're feeling. When you're in the moment, you feel the desire and need to act out, and then after you do the crushing guilt of what you did . . . we've all been there. For me, it always hurt to then update my 90 day chart, once again, and you see how "everyone else" is already at day #97. The feelings of "why did i do that? why can't i control myself like other people"? As so many people here will tell you, you have to take it one day, one moment, at a time. It may be hard, but you need to try to start thinking in terms of the now. The nisayon that you have right now. Don't think in terms of the rest of your life abstaining from acting out. For me, that was always a sure fire way to fall. How should you deal with the guilt after a fall? It may help to chat with people here on gye, or email someone. Sharing those feelings can work wonders! It's a process that with time you will win. Hatzlacha raba and know that we're here for you.

Yea, i'd like to be able to tell someone when I am about to fall so I can stay clean. But I often times find myself looking at other people and being very jealous of their success. Maybe there are ways to look inward in order to eliminate all the jealous and envious feelings.

This sounds like the case where someone reads one of the many books on the gedolim, and wonders how it's possible for people like us to reach such impossible goals. We don't see all the nisyonos and falls that they had in their paths to greatness. Similarly, we don't see all the falls that the people on the 90+ day list have had. It doesn't say how many months/ years it took for them to reach that point. All we see is the final result. So of course we get jealous and depressed that we're not also at that point. I try to keep in mind that it's not a race here to see who can stay clean longer. We each have to try to look at ourselves and ask, "am I growing"? We all want perfection, but it's unfair to ourselves to demand it. Maybe one day we'll be able to move away from our addictions, but it's a process that will take time. I know the feeling of despair where the battle seems impossible and unattainable. But if you don't succeed the first time, try, and try again. Hashem wants to see our effort here. The effort is what will eventually win the race. It's a war with many small battles.