I recently had a heated discussion with another fellow about the recovery method I am using. It was all done via text, and I am not a good communicator even by word of my mouth. I very regularly omit assumptions that I am making. Partly as a result of this, I found myself with a 12-step guy quite angry at me.

The man said that he was forced to end the conversation because it was endangering his sexual sobriety and he had to put himself first. This is the correct behavior in SA.

Then he posted a message on my thread saying "you are a great guy, and I wish you the best." This is "taking the actions of love." This is supposed to take away the resentment.

After that he wrote another post that said what I said was totally insane, and I must be in complete denial. You can see here that taking the actions of love worked to some extent, because the man found a possible reason why I could be wrong but he didn't have to hate me for it: I was out of my mind.

Then another user pointed out that maybe they misunderstood. This is an example of mindfulness. Meaning: my emotions are a result of how I understand reality, I literally make them myself. After that there was some informational questions back and forth, and the fellow calmed down. Once he had more data he concluded that I am not even out of my mind.

On my side the experience was completely different. I never felt anger. The reason is because since every day I remind myself of well-known thinking errors, I catch myself (most of the time) when I jumping to conclusions and when I tell myself that something "should" be a certain way. Conclusions that you jump to are not a basis for action, and things never "should" be any other way than the way they actually are. In fact, understanding where the other guy was coming from, I thought he should act exactly the way he was behaving.

I think this was a useful example of the difference between the different experiences that you can get with acceptance and mindfulness, respectively.

Once again I find so many things wrong with what you're saying that I don't know where to begin. You have once again made assumptions about me and my thought processes and my conclusions, you have again misrepresented what I said, and made wrong inferences from things I didn't say. I asked you to stop doing that in a private message, and now I'm asking you again.

From the rules of the forum:

7.) No one may post anything that may insult, embarrass or offend another member of the forum. If this happens by mistake, the offender should be quick to apologize.

I also think that it is against commen sense to post something personal which someone had sent in a Private Message (which is why it is called "private")

Guys seriously, if you want to fight pick on someone else. You are basically making my point.

Can I have the last word?

Thanks!

It's all yours, with pleasure (english accent)



sorry you're going to have to post again to get the last word back