How do you guard your eyes in the summer when all the goyim are walking around with no tznius and the young attractive Jewish girls swarm the streets? Sometimes there is literally no safe place to look.

Call a GYE friend while you are walking down the street. Stare at the ground.

We can't hide from the world. We're going to come across girls throughout life. There are going to be real women in public wearing less than halachically required. There are going to be billboards with underclothed women on them, and they're going to call our attention. There's no aveirah in the first glance - we're wired that way and the advertising companies know that. It's when we look back and let our gaze linger so we can get a second look and drink it in that is the problem.

Girls/women are people, just like we are, and they deserve the same respect we deserve. They are not there for us to get our kicks. When we talk to them, we should look at them like we would any other person.

Once we realize that we're looking at them the wrong way (admiringly, etc.), that's when it's improper and we need to look away. We all have the ability to look away once we are aware of what we're doing, though it does take effort and training.

Hatzlacha!

I read in a sefer about shmiras einayim: Somebody noticed that R' Moshe Feinstein zt"l walks every day on a street that had inappropriate images. He asked R'Moshe why he does not avoid walking past those images. R' Moshe answered that he never even realized that there are such images on that street.

So I guess if we were to ask R' Moshe how to deal with the sights that attack us during the summer season, he would have replied that he never realized that there are such sights attacking us.

So while we are not on R' Moshe's level, but even on our level (speaking for myself), we can learn to limit our gaze to a level where the sights will not "attack" us.

MT

Dr.Watson wrote:


I thought it's a good idea to "bump forward" this thread from last summer.
Does anyone have any advice or constructive comment to add?



I personally have more trouble with the "attractive Jewish girls/(women)" than with the non frum ones.
I live in Israel so its more about non frum than goyim, but the same was with the goyim when I lived in America.
The ones who are Goyim or non frum are easier to relate to as "the other kind" but when it comes to the "heimishe" the barriers are (at least for me) harder to keep.

I am non-discriminatory.
I have trouble with all females.

Here is what I wrote in the beginnin' of May.


I don't like to start new threads, but I felt this was important.
I was outside today during the day.
It might not be officially summer, but there are many who think it is and are beginnin' to dress that way.
It is more triggerin' when you are not expectin' it.
b'avonoseinu harabim....sometimes we get used to things.
We are not used to it yet.

Please, please.....before you go outside, develop a plan.
What will you do to guard your eyes?
After all, this is the mainstay of this site.
Many here believe that the sights which we see on the streets are the # 1 cause for our actin' out later.
We cannot avoid that first look (unless you remove glasses and wear a Chasam Sofer talmidim brim to cover your eyes), but we can avoid that second look, and certainly that third.
Don't come home or to the office with those images in your mind.
How will YOU avoid this?
Perhaps keep score as to how many "victories" and "losses" you have during the day.
Perhaps daven for them (not my personal favorite).
Perhaps read a page of the white book before goin' out.
Maybe a kapittel tehillim beforehand.

By me what works is the realization...the true realization that second looks will destroy my life.
They lead me directly to she'ol tachtiyos.
It brings on all my lustful thoughts, fantasies and desires that lie in wait for the nearest and closest opportunity.
I know I must choose life.
Perhaps it is not life or death to some people, but it is to me, and yes, I know, at times, I lose as well, perhaps more losses than victories, but even when I lose, I know that for that time, I chose death.

And finally, do not view this as a lifelong battle (although it will be); just consider this one time...it is the Vilna Gaon's Daf Gemora....he is the only person learning in the world at this time; this is the only daf of gemora in existence; it is his responsibility to learn with all his koichos. Consider that you are the only person with this nisayon at this present moment. The sight before you is the only nisayon in existence. And it is your mission for this present moment (not later, not tomorrow, not yesterday) to pass this test.

b'hatzlachah to all









Avrom

For me it comes down to having something more important to do. The girls and women will always be attractive but if I have a life to live, they usually aren't so high on the list of things to spend energy on. Its a challenge but this has been a working model for me. Whether its learning, or thinking about how to deal with one the kids specifically, or just simply to think about how to do whatever errand at hand in the best way b'gashmiyus and b'ruchniyus, those things can be pretty engaging if we want them to be. As everyone is saying, its much more challenging when we go out without a plan. But I think we all could figure out something in our lives that deserves a more thought than its getting at the moment. Rav Moshe was busy living his life. We can all do that little by little.

All great advice, my problem here though, is when it comes to the goyim their dress style is just screaming look at me, look at me, why then are they dressing like this, so what can I do?
Also when a girl is with their 'man' its also so very triggering.

I was in an area not so far from my home, yesterday, doing a Mitzvah, and I never realised how bad it was in this particular street. I just wasn't ready for the overload of sights. I'll know to be more carefull next time I have to go there, or better still avoid when possible.

Dr.Watson wrote:


I have trouble in the winter.

b'hatzlachah

"also" in the winter, OR "even" in the winter OR "the same" in the winter?

Funny, I have been thinking how the winter can be difficult because it can be depressing, the bad weather, the bare trees, less sun, getting sick etc.

It can all trigger me.