Hi there lets call this my online diary for solutions and my ways of dealing wi my struggle. Please feel free to give your two cents throughout. I'm open to criticism and discussion in how I'm doing things. Unfortunately until now I haven't been able to stay clean for more than ten twenty days in the last couple years so maybe moving it up a notch will help.

I'd like to wish myself Bon voyage and a new start to all good things living a more fulfilling life in the ways of Torah and chassidus.

fighting my porn addiction

Reasons why I want to fight porn ( why not just give in and enjoy )

1. I believe the Torah and G-d are true and the Torah prohibits viewing porn and masturbating.

2. It's undisciplined. I feel tied down and am forced to listen to this desire inside me.

3. I feel like I'm betraying my family and my community because this is a big taboo here. I'm betraying that trust that I'm a chassid.

4. It'll cause big problems by marriage as i'll be distracted by what I'm seeing on the computer.

5. the rebbe and hashem are watching me betray them.

6. I get depressed when I watch porn.

7. Each time I masturbate that could have been one of my kids.

8. It's basically my only one real problem and of I conquer this I'm gonna be really successful.

How I'm gonna fight it.

1. Learning the prohibitions and compiling my own personal handbook like a Torah guide to porn and masturbation.

2. Keeping myself busy with other things.

3. Learning psychology tips on how to deal with this.

4. Strong filters on all devices.

5. Setting aside ample time for krias shema.

6. Getting together a few Torah things I like and starting to work on it.


I wrote this list as my mission statement probably will be adding a few things in the near future

A start for my sources in the Torah regarding this. Ones that mainly haven't been picked up by anyone else

Hilchos isurei biah rambam last Perek last halachah.

וכן ינהוג להתרחק מן השחוק ומן השכרות ומדברי עגבים שאלו גורמין גדולים והם מעלות של עריות. ולא ישב בלא אשה שמנהג זה גורם לטהרה יתירה. גדולה מכל זאת אמרו יפנה עצמו ומחשבתו לדברי תורה וירחיב דעתו בחכמה שאין מחשבת עריות מתגברת אלא בלב פנוי מן החכמה. ובחכמה הוא אומר אילת אהבים ויעלת חן דדיה ירווך בכל עת באהבתה תשגה תמיד

Hilchos teshuvah Perek daled halachah daled

ד ומהן חמשה דברים העושה אותן אין חזקתו לשוב מהן. לפי שהם דברים קלים בעיני רוב האדם ונמצא חוטא והוא ידמה שאין זה חטא. ואלו הן: ..... ג) המסתכל בעריות מעלה על דעתו שאין בכך כלום שהוא אומר וכי בעלתי או קרבתי אצלה. והוא אינו יודע שראיית העינים עון גדול שהיא גורמת לגופן של עריות שנאמר {ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם

It looks like you're off to a great start with a clear commitment, analysis of the problem, and some solutions.

Hatzlacha on your journey

Amazing hayom yom today really nogeah for our struggle. For those that don't know what hayom yom is its a book compiled by the Lubavitcher rebbe with a daily inspiration you can find it on chabad.org under daily study.

Here's today's:

The early sages, who were like angels1 (may their merit protect us) have already determined that the healing of the soul is like the healing of the body:

The crucial first step is to identify the location of the illness, whether it is caused by the crassness, grossness and corruption of his physical body or by a failing in his soul-powers, the person being inclined to undersirable traits like arrogance or falsehood and the like. Or, the source of the malady may be habit - inadequate rearing or unwholesome environment having brought on bad habits.

Without ascertaining the specific site of the illness and the cause of infection, it is impossible to embark on a cure. One can only prescribe an orderly proper conduct in all matters, what to do and what to avoid. To "do good"2 in terms of observing mitzvot, designating times for Torah-study and acquiring good character traits - and also to "turn away from evil."3

Most urgent of all, however, is that the patient make himself aware of two things: a) to know that he is ill, and desire most fervently to be cured of his malady; b) to know that he can be cured, with hope and absolute trust that, with G-d's help, he will indeed be cured of his sickness.

Now me: when one figures it the source of all these problems he knows who he's fighting against I'm so happy that the rebbe actually had the time to put in a hayom yom for not well people and this proves that there is such a concept as addiction in Torah

Wow it's crazy how quickly you can slip back into all the old stuff you were doing. You could have like a week of solid structure and then a day later you're back to square one. What a roller coaster seems like its gonna take quite some time before we actually stay put for a significant amount of time.

I mean Tanya always says that it's a constant struggle but it also says that the struggle goes up a level over here it's like all the way up and then rock bottom. As if I never did any avidah. You can try and make me feel better by saying that the days where you were good will never be lost but let's face it, it's not very fulfilling.

I know what the reason is. Because even when you were getting spiritual it wasn't real it was just a chitzoniyusdiker level. I'm gonna start davvening to hashem that my avodah be done with a pnimiyus and I hope my prayers will be answered because I'm not the most real of guys.

If I were you I might start a log on the 90 day thread--it would be helpful foe yourself, and would also help the forum be able to help you better.

I think one of GYE's big things is that this addiction might not be able to be conquered through a religious approach, but instead a 12-step type deal or at least, like u said, identifying the source of the problem (which can often be more than just "habit", but also sometimes emotional problems, faulty thinking, negative view of onesself, etc.)

I disagree with the last thing you said. we can control hishtadlus, not the end result--that's Hashem. Also, spiritual growth is a long process: we cant expect to jump up 10 rungs on the ladder at a time, and then be disappointed when we see that we've haven't reached that 10th rung immediately.