Hi all,
My name is Nosson I am a sex and love addict and a frum yid, as well I have been coming here and trying to work the 12 steps for 3 years finally now I am sober for 5 months BH through working the slaa how program and going to meetings.
I have decided to post here my progress and answers to the questions in order to share with others how it works.
As well I will post struggles I have. Feel free to contact me and please take whatever you feel can help you and discard delete the rest.

Question 5
Read chapter 2 in the Big Book (‘There is a Solution’). Discuss and reflect upon the idea that your
discipline or lack of it has played an important part in your life.

First of all this is the first time I have read this chapter and understood it though I have probably read it tens of times as well I replaced the words alcoholism with sex and love addiction.
I feel that in general I have a sense of discipline but my fears and addiction have distorted it completely this as well as laziness and other character defects though in the basis of who I am, I have a sense of discipline and order.
In addiction, I try to self discipline myself choosing when and where to use . This fails miserably as I become totally obsessed and I cannot stop even when I have other things in my life to do or focus on, or I feel disgusted with it and even suicidal. I also feel that I cannot stop myself from taking the first “drink” when I am triggered, I have no discipline whatsoever in that area unless I am praying, in contact with others and working the program.
This is also true in other areas in my life where I am selfish, I find it very difficult to discipline myself from acting in ways that are demeaning to myself or to others or are not refined and caring. This is compounded when I am Hungry angry or tired, or whenever I have any intense emotions.
I feel that intense craving emotions or boredom couse me to separate myself from reality.
What is also interesting is that the words my mind comes up with are to “release” me from the “bonds” and “constraints” of reality.
Though I am coming to feel that such behavior is self demeaning and many times I offend others and certainly I am not sensitive to their needs when I am in another place.
I am coming to see through the program that reality is not such a terrible place!
But still I find it intensely difficult to discipline myself in those situations. I feel after some work in the program it has become easier though in truth I still feel the struggle.

As for personal stuff, I was able to come away from two hotel stays unscathed through calling people, not isolating, praying and holding to my plan though it was tough.
I have recognized I have serious self esteem issues but I will wait with that till further steps till than I will pray on it.

All the Best,
Nosson

HElloooooo NOSSON!

Welcome to GYE

Theres a welcome page on top of the "Introduction Thread" handy to look at they have a great Handbook as well.

Heres something I noticed from your post, and right back at you, you can feel free to use it or discard it.




Its not easy to try and FORCE ourselves to listen. That just normally ends up in a lot of tension and fighting with ourselves. Because we dont want lust, aaaaand we do. And this split-desire syndrome (yes yes I DID just make up a new syndrome.... I have "make up a syndrome syndrome".... Woops! just did it again ) its not whats going to help you succeed. The pressure and tension from fighting can LEAD to another acting out. So the trick is to not WANT to lust. And for that you need to Pray to Hashem to have him help you not want to lust, and some thought on our part, BEFORE we are confronted with a test, of why in the world should I want to lust What do I get from doing this? How will I FEEL. Thatsso key because a lot of times we want to feel GOOD and if we would just pause and realize that this action Im doing now will make me feel very NOT good in some time it can help.

Also another key idea in letting go of lust is realizing that lust is the solution NOT the problem. (it IS a problem but the reason why we act out is normally as an escape etc. from some OTHER problem) So when we see hey were just running away from something, at least for me, It makes me feel childish, stop running away from LIFE and COPE with whatever it is that your running from

I hope that was helpful

Dear Nosson,

I wonder what precise changes in how you are working the program occurred around the time you started this past 5 months. Not asking what you think made the difference. Rather asking what practical physical changes have actually occurred that may have made things different?

New contacts? New level of contact? New level of acting out? Threats? what...

Anything?