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What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years
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TOPIC: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 1435 Views

What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 06 Nov 2011 04:13 #124368

  • Chasdey Hashem
With tears in my eyes and sincere appreciation for G-d's kindness, I relate in the following what worked for me. My addication was bad. It even caused me some legal problems. With the advice of my Rav, among other things, I placed filters on all my computers. (Blue K9 is free and worked for me.) I kept the passwords for the office computers at home and the passwords for the home computers in the office. I do not look at women: young or old, pretty or ugly, modestly dressed or otherwise, in person or in pictures, videos, or webpages, except my wife, mother, sister, and daughter. I penalized myself with 3 consecutive days of fasting, morning till night, (no fasting on Shabbat or Yom Tov) for every time I violated the Rambam's prohibition of  enjoying to look at  even the pinky of a woman. I fasted for 6 consecutive days for every masturbation. Baruch Hashem, I am free from this stuff for approximately the last 2 years after several years of falling prey to my mercy-less yetzer hara.
Fasting was over long time ago. The secret is that the penalty of fasting is very costly on the yetzer hara. It weakens it so much that it is manageable. Even though I still have the threat of fasting hanging over the yetzer hara, I did not need to fast for approximately the last 2 years. After a while, the addiction is gradually out of one's system; and one can relax a little bit. I still do not look at other women and I am very happy about it. Why desire something you cannot have? There is always one where you are, or in the TV or a magazine, etc. that looks attracting to you. So I decided not to look at any women in general.
The addiction was bad enough to disrupt my daily routine. Even though I am embarrassed to relate the extent of my addiction, I would say this that acting out one time gave me enough shame, embarrassment, and self degradation to last for a week. Practically a few days were destroyed. I work and have children and learn Torah routinely. I felt the effect of acting out was quite destructive on things I held dear.
Fasting all day is very difficult. That is why it is a penalty. The threat of fasting 3 or 6 days in a row is what dissuaded me from acting out. After one or two episodes, you would ask yourself, right before you click on the key to bring up the page, if it is worth fasting 6 consecutive days. One need not fast if he controls himself. But if he acts out, he needs to weaken his yetzer.
It came to a point that I viewed this as a WAR that I needed to win. I have Torah. I have a neshama. I want tahara; I want Shechina to be near me; I want to have Olam Haba. That is how I looked at it. Then the measures were not so drastic. I would do it again. BeEzrat Hashem I wouldn't have to.
I wish you all a lot of success in you endeavor to stay away from this dark trap. It is possible to do it. Believe me it is worth the effort.
P.S. If you decide to do the fasting, please consult a rabbi skilled  in these matters before doing so. Some may view this method to be rather extreme-but effective- which needs to be supervised by a knowledgeable Rav. 
Last Edit: 07 Nov 2011 14:20 by .

Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 06 Nov 2011 13:57 #124393

  • AlexEliezer
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WOW!
Thanks for sharing your unique story.
Hope you will remain clean when you're back eating like the rest of the world.  I think you will be.
Continued Hatzlacha,
Alex
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 06 Nov 2011 16:03 #124410

  • Jackabbey
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what an amazing will power
chazak veammotz
teach us some of your methods of keeping the devil out of your mind
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 06 Nov 2011 17:54 #124440

  • obormottel
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That is something else! Whenever you're ready to start eating again, visit me here www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4692.msg123994#msg123994
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 06 Nov 2011 19:58 #124456

  • Yossi.L.
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Holy Moly that sounds verrrrry extreme to me. I assume a extremely powerful addiction deserves a extremely powerful remedy.
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 06 Nov 2011 22:00 #124475

  • Chasdey Hashem
Thanks for the replies. Fasting was over long time ago. The secret is that the penalty of fasting is very costly on the yetzer hara. It weakens it so much that it is manageable. Even though I still have the penalty of fasting hanging over the yetzer hara, I did not need to fast for approximately the last 2 years. After a while, the addiction is gradually out of one's system; and one can relax a little bit. I still do not look at other women and I am very happy about it. Why desire something you cannot have? There is always one where you are, or in the TV or a magazine, etc. that looks attracting to you. So I decided not to look at any women in general.
P.S. If you decide to do the fasting, please consult a rabbi skilled  in these matters before doing so. As someone mentioned, this is a rather extreme-but effective- measure and needs to be supervised by a knowledgeable rabbi. If you need more information, please let me know.
Last Edit: 06 Nov 2011 22:16 by .

Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 06 Nov 2011 22:03 #124478

  • me3
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I don't think it's practical for most people who have jobs children and chavrusas or go to daily shiurim to fast all day.
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 06 Nov 2011 22:17 #124479

  • mechazek
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Can you please share with us what was your level of addiction. how badly did you act out? what were the effects on your life from acting out?
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 07 Nov 2011 01:26 #124493

  • Chasdey Hashem
It was bad enough to disrupt my daily routine. Acting out one time gave me enough shame, embarrassment, and self degradation to last for a week. Practically a few days were destroyed. I work and have children and learn Torah routinely. I felt the effect of acting out was quite destructive on things I held dear.
Fasting all day is very difficult. That is why it is a penalty. The threat of fasting 3 or 6 days in a row is what dissuaded me from acting out. After one or two episodes, you would ask yourself if it is worth fasting 6 consecutive days. One need not fast if he controls himself. But if acts out, he needs to weaken his yetzer.
It came to a point that I viewed this as a WAR that I needed to win. I have Torah. I have a neshama. I want tahara; I want Shechina to be near me; I want to have Olam Haba. That is how I looked at it. Then the measures were not so drastic. I would do it again. BeEzrat Hashem I wouldn't have to.
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 07 Nov 2011 04:09 #124532

  • Yossi.L.
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It sounds like you are not an addict just a big oived hashem
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 07 Nov 2011 04:12 #124533

  • Yossi.L.
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Let me rephrase; are you an addict? Your remedy sounds innovative yet frightening. Hence, my questioning if you are an addict, to see if your derech would apply to me at all.
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 16 Nov 2011 18:59 #125694

  • the.guard
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What an amazing story!

What worked for him is similar to the TaPHSiC method we have on our site: www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=2451

When the Yezter Hara realizes it's just not worth it, he leaves us alone.

This can work even for addicts in many cases (but perhaps not for high-level addicts).
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 16 Nov 2011 20:48 #125725

  • kedusha
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Me3 wrote on 06 Nov 2011 22:03:

I don't think it's practical for most people who have jobs children and chavrusas or go to daily shiurim to fast all day.


It's not practical for them to act out either.
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 22 Nov 2011 22:47 #126403

  • hubabuba
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Me3 wrote on 06 Nov 2011 22:03:

I don't think it's practical for most people who have jobs children and chavrusas or go to daily shiurim to fast all day.


that's exactly why they should do it!
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Re: What worked for me for approximately the last 2 years 27 Dec 2011 13:41 #129322

  • Back on Track
I am very happy that this worked for you. Personally I don't think I'd have ever been able to achieve what you have in this way, but if its wrking then kol hakavod and may Hashem help you go furthr and further...
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