My Name is Moshico, well that's the name I use, I was sent this site from my therapist.
In a nut shell I suffer from SSA (same sex attraction)
I am 50 and married and have not had sex with my wife for a number of years.
I have acted out with men but the last time was four years ago.
My major problem I guess is masturbation, I think about men and look at them in the street and of course on the Internet.
I stopped going to group therapy because I took other peoples troubles home with me and I stopped private therapy after 5 or 6 years cost and time.
Some people call me a hero because I am trying to deal with the matter and not been with men for some time but I have to be honest I do want to act out with a guy.
So whats the next step tp get rid of this.
Putting filters on the Internet is not an option as my wife uses it and my children and would not be fair to them.
One more thing I told my wife a number of years ago about my SSA and she thinks its a good excuse for my issues,

Dear Moshico ,

Take a Look at “Tried-123” ’s posts…

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

Moshico wrote on 06 Mar 2011 06:19:

what does this stand for?
Malach
Ohnest
Striving
Hinkle dinkle
Ich help me fight the Yetzer H'
Caring about Hshem's will
Octopusses in singular=ocupi

" people call me a hero because I am trying to deal with the matter"


To me , the people with problems are not the ones that are triggered off by hinkly dinkly Octopi, but the people that don't want to admit it-moshico, YOU ARE A HERO-i'm so glad to see s/one like you come aboard!


"So whats the next step to get rid of this."
ride with us and you'll see recovery, iY'h. your determination is already a big part of it, thank god. please post more and may you be zocheh to hope, simcha, and the right tools necessary to beat this up. Stick around,
tz90

Moshico wrote on 06 Mar 2011 06:19:


Your wife can have the password, and children should never have unfiltered access anyway (even adults, at least male adults, should not).

However, the Internet is not the only issue here.  It sounds like you may need live SA meetings.  Also, you need guidance from a competent Posek for your specific situation.


Hatzlacha!

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ16.asp

Hi Moshico,

Congratulations on addressing a long running issue.

You sound like someone with a lot of issues, so welcome your in the right place.

I have found a lot of relief through recovery in a 12 Step program.  Attraction to other men is irrelevant to the general problem.  I have seen people in recovery who have attraction to men/women/both and others that I don't need to mention here.




To put it politely that is a bunch of hooey.

Where there is a will there is a way.  Not when it comes to addiction but putting on a filter? Yeah, I think that could be done.

Not that it will help.  If you have an addiction it will just make you work harder to get your drug. 

For me 20 years of addiction did not get arrested without RECOVERY from it, not just a new way to stop.

Keep coming back!!!

welcome moshico!
you are a hero for working on this!
man, it could be difficult, i know,
so, look at you, still making an effort,
looking for ways to get what to
you really want in this life!

Welcome to GYE.
K9 is free and easy to use and your wife can have the password so it won't bother her. Anyway, if you only block porn it probably won't bother her at all!
Keep smiling, and keep going!

Windows has a option to create additional profiles. as long as your wife is the 'administrator' she can control the websites allowed on your profile. any website not on your 'allowed list' is password protected, so its pretty good as long as its a exellent password!

Hatzlocho