Chazak u'baruch.
I agree, Facebook is a killer. I just used it for 1 week or so and then stoped using it after realising the garbage it contains.

Had a pretty rough last few days (despite deleting facebook, yay!)

First of all, this woman is contacting me with more frequency now. I just got an instant message from her (I thought I blocked her). And as I said, Thanksgiving break is coming up. This wouldn't necessarily be such a risk for me if it weren't for the fact that...

I'm sinking into a coma. Every weekend is very long for me, being that I don't have class on Fridays. So I waste away a lot of time staring at my computer doing nothing in particular. Then Shabbos comes, and I have major problems staying awake and alert on Shabbos. I always end up sleeping too late on Saturday morning, coming home, eating Cholent, falling asleep more, eating more, sleeping more etc. Then of course I'm not tired on Saturday night, so I stay up. But that always leads to trouble, since going into my university to study means seeing all sorts of drunk women dressed like prostitutes. It's really bad here. That's when I'm most likely to look at porn, or even strike up random conversations with people who I really shouldn't be talking to, and I certainly am unlikely to get any real work done. I also tend to gorge myself on junk food and smoke a lot. Then I wake up Sunday feeling disgusting, continue the cycle of eating a lot, dozing, napping, wasting time, etc. etc. Then Monday rolls around and I'm shocked to discover that I just lost 4 days of my life.

This has happened as a cycle many times for me. I think a lot of it comes down to observing Shabbos properly. It has become a time of total physical and mental stupor for me, not the spiritually uplifting time it is supposed to be.

Any advice on this is most welcome. I realize its not directly about SA issues, but for me its very related.

Being active is always more difficult than just responding to what my body wants. However, I've found over the years that when I push myself to accomplish, I'm always glad I did, even if it means sacrificing a little sleep, etc.

So set up a schedule - sme of it can be relaxing, so set aside some things to do then, too. But set up a loose schedule, and follow it. And enjoy!

Since for me, idleness is probably the main driving force towards the self-destructive things that I do, I just wrote myself a note about it and how I can address it. The problem, I think, is that idleness is a degenerative disease like an addiction. The less you do, the less you want to do, and ultimately, the less you can do, and the lower your stress threshold so that pretty soon, you just can't deal with life anymore and go to sleep hoping it will all sort itself out. This has really been a killer for me and I think it might even be why I have the constellation of addictions that are a time-bomb for me. Addictions thrive on idleness, and the body raises its demands from a whisper to a loudspeaker when I'm not involved in life.

"A Jew is too busy to sin." - Twerski

Absolutely. Do you want to talk about how you can address it?

In my note to myself, I outlined 4 preventative steps to take, as follows :

1.Set aside some time for connecting spiritually with Torah and Hashem. Daven to Hashem in my own words before the time comes.

2.Stay on a regular sleep schedule no matter what. Do not take any naps. Sleep at night.

3.Get some form of exercise over the long weekends, preferably outdoors if it’s nice out.

4.Plan things for the day. Don’t just “try to work and see what happens”. Think creatively about new things to do. Don’t try to work all day.

IY''H this won't be such an issue once I go to yeshiva in Israel. Anyhow, sooner or later, I'm going to have to learn to deal with spare time without becoming a vegetable.

aryeh, I got a lot of good feedback from people who were inspired by you in yesterday's chizuk e-mail (#890). Keep strong. You are a true hero.

Wow, I can't believe I got featured in the email! I think I'm blushing...

Guard, you are the best...

i am very impressed with your the seder you are making of your life.

Sounds like a good plan - rock on!

Arye, ur plan sounds awesome, and I'm impressed by how clear ur mind goes, point # 1 is crucial for every yid and especially for addicts, cuz with that point being practiced in 1st place we wouldn't become addicts, its a shame that its not taught for teens at the right age, so keep it up, be sure that the YH will try to ruin ur plans, but send him to hell,he'll come back again in a different forum, but just do it again its a constant fight, but we must never give up, eventually u will see the light

Thanks jip, and I like your new name!

I agree with AT - love the name change!

Reb Aryeh - how are things going?

I had a fall yesterday. The real problem is that when I do that, I want more so I think of calling up that woman again. I resisted it last night and I'm proud that I didn't contact her despite a very very strong urge. I davened that I should make it through Thanksgiving break without seeing or talking to her. I'm learning how vigilant I must be in not indulging any form of lust, because it always leads directly to either seeing her and having relations with her, or having to fight a very strong urge which I wouldn't have had if I hadn't indulged in lust. Once I give a little bit to the urge, it won't leave me alone. Better to not ignite it in the first place.

Congratulations - and very, very true. Lust is a slippery slope.

Remember to feel good about your victory, even while you plan and learn from your fall.