Hi everybody out there, I'm new to this great site, I'd like to get my story off my chest and hear any advice....

Long story (16 years long) so I'll be brief:

Started looking at pritzus when I was about 14, eventually began masturbating, got addicted quickly, contsantly struggling. when in high school i would look at women's fashion magazines my Mother had at home, then would get up in the middle of the night and look for pritzus on TV which we still had then. When I started Dorming and coming home for shabbos I'd struggle all week, but usually control myself but on the weekend forget it. My parents got internet when i was about 19 and i would spend hours looking at softcore and somtimes real porn.

I wish I had had someone I felt comfortable confiding in, i thought i was the only frum jew in the world with this problem and felt like a total rasha.

after about 13 years of struggling and alot of ups and downs i finally spoke to a rosh yeshiva i respected, i was specifically scared about marriage because i didnt know whether it would help the prob or not. He gave me alot of chizuk and said that marriage would help alot. after hearing my specifics he felt that i'd be able to beat the yetzer if i was very careful about safeguards in my home. He was right - marriage helped a ton - I had covenant eyes on my computer and a K-9 filter but i removed covenant eyes when i realized that my wife (my accountability partner) didnt really check the emails.  :-[ i felt srong and thought that i didnt need it anymore.

I almost was nichshal at one point about 1 1/2 after i got married after getting around some safeguards, and looked at some pritzus on my computer but became so disgusted with myself that i cried to the RBSH"O and was misgaber. I then got a job for a large non-frum company where obviously the standards of dress were not exactly healthy for me, nevertheless i was able to overcome my yetzer the entire 10 months i worked there.

I then left the company (it was a temporary project) and have been idle for 2 months (not recommended if you can avoid it) and am now struggling back and forth with the urge to look at pritzus on my computer I've been nichshal in Reios Assuros 3 times but so far have been able to stop myself - my wife is out at work for today and today again I looked at certain pritzus on my computer. the K-9 filter is not effective enough at blocking and I really need to find a way to stop for once and for all...

My DW is 4 months pregnant B"h with our first and I need to be a good husband and father. If I sink back into the abyss of despair I'll never forgive myself. HELP!!!!

Sholom! Sholom! Reb KelevShav

Welcome to the club! 

We are all in the same boat! We all know how you feel. 

How about spending your free time reading old threads in this forum & posting in current threads, thereby participating in the ongoing conversation? It is interesting & will help keep you out of trouble!



This site sure helps me! I am working alone in an office today. A few minutes ago I felt a sudden urge to look for ____ on the internet. Instead of doing that I contacted a nice [anonymous] guy from this great & holy GYE community. After just a couple of minutes the urge was gone. Why? Because the Yetzer Horah thrives in a vacuum. The moment that I chose to connect with another human being he lost his power over me!

Would you like such stories to be your experience too? Just stay an active part of this group of wonderful guys & after a short while (with a bit of work) you will be the great guy that you want to be. You will live up to YOUR potential!

Enjoy the fight! Victory is just around the corner!



P.S. Very soon your username will change from Kelev Shav to K'Lev Shav (A Returned Heart)!!!

Thanks!!!!

R' Shav,

You sound like a wonderful and tremendous person. Your problem lies in the title of your thread. No-one is ever "cured" of their Yetzer Harah (certainly not ones with a sensitivity to this issue), however, with constant work we can overcome the yetzer harah. The main point is to remember to constantly work on the issue and not to hope to be able to relax and hope things are fine with out work.
It doesn't always have to be a difficult battle, for the most part it does get easier over time, but we do always have to work and stay vigilant.
You will find lots of excellent adivice on this site. What works best for me is to constantly remember, I don't want this stuff - it is enticing and appealing looking, but it won't make me happy, short, medium, or certainly long term...

Hatzlacha Rabba,

KS,

Wow! Its amazing to see someone who is so aware of the dangers and their own vulnerability to them.  There is a possibility of not having to look at porn even though there is no way to forever remove the possibility of our being tempted to do it.

I can tell you that my addiction started much earlier, went much deeper and last much longer than your own and I am having a lot of success so far.  For me the most powerful tool was joining a live SA group, opening up to others and learning how to be honest with myself first and then others.

Keep the search up there is a way out.

Hatzlacha

Welcome! Please download our handbook: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/TU/Guard%20Your%20Eyes%20Handbook.pdf

I highly suggest putting back in covenant eyes (or webchaver) and using a chavrusah or rav you know as an accountability partner.

You're in the right place, and as long as you are committed to working on yourself in an honest and sincere manner, without looking for quick fixes, then you will heal.  You see, filters are not the answer, as you yourself can attest.  If a person wants to look at porn, he will find ways to get around them.  It sounds like you really want to control yourself but arent able to\.  Well guess what, welcome to the club!!! None of us can control ourselves, that's why we are here.  Does that mean we are weak?  No, it's just the way Hashem created all of man, that without his help the yetzer harrah will always win.  So we have come to realize that the solution is to become humble and realize that we need to turn to Hashem and as his help. It requires, humility, maturity, and honesty.  But if we can admit that we can't do this on our own, and that only Hashem can help us, then he will.  He has helped many of us and he will help you too if you turn to him.  Hatzlocha!

guardureyes wrote on 04 Aug 2010 21:41:


Thanks! is there a Rav you suggest or some way I can team up with someone else as an accountability partner that will NOT TRUST me and will carefully look at the reports???

There are plenty of nice people around here who would be happy to be 'not nice' when they read 'difficult' reports.  8)  >


I had the opposite experience. A Rov who was getting my reports referred my to this great & holy GuardYourEyes Kehilla!  ;D

To send your reports to a Rov, he needs to be someone that you respect, [fear], & also love. Otherwise you may just give up on him after a few uncomfortable experiences.... 

please allow me to echo the J.B. feelings about the live SA meetings. They have really helped me maintain this new round of sobriety. B.H.

Welcome. The seforim say the portal of all sin is dispair. There is always hope and sorry to burst your bubble but allot of guys here have been doing much worse, much longer. There is plenty of hope for you.  Also k-9 has a web log also and the filter gabai can see it.

FWIW, Rabbi Yosef Viener has a standing offer to recieve webchaver (or similar) reports. Unfortunately, I do not have his contact info. I got the following from a google search:

If you would like Rabbi Viener to be your accountability partner, his e-mail address is: info@TorahStream.org

If that is not current, please let me know and I will track him down.

Welcome, Reb Kelevshav! (Cute name  ;D)

Sounds like you've been fighting a really intense battle, and doing very well. But happily, the goal is to avoid battles, which is much easier, right?

KelevShav wrote on 05 Aug 2010 19:56:


what about your rosh hayeshiva that you said that you talked to. it sounds like he is the 1st person youve talked to about this and he gave you a lot of chizuk. unless he doesnt have time (roshei hayeshiva dont have so much time)

Wow, that's serious. I seriously hope you work this thing out soon. This problem in the back pocket while raising kids is NOT fun.

Maybe try one the phone conferences, look through Battleworns posts, try a 12 step group, really whatever talks to you.
My honest advice to you is not to assume that because you're not falling now, that everything is ok and there's nothing to be concerned about. B"H you have been strong and you will take those days with you forever. But more than the days which you're amounting, it's the person you're building. And a person is ultimately defined by his actions. By the way he trains himself to play the situations he finds himself in. I think your main goal now should be developing a mode of conduct, a practiced way to react to the situations which inevitably arise.
All this is of course to be preceded by getting web-chaver, or a better filter, or a higher setting, and a schedule which will keep the surprises as limited as possible.
All these things are your obligation the same way refraining from the situation right before you clearly is, and they are equally important, and strengthening yourself in keeping to them - together with a decent effort and commitment, will be what will effect the change you want so much to see in your life.

Hatzlacha Rabba, I really mean it.
KG