Sure i know what you are talking about. It comes in waves. Just because you're feeling fine NOW doesn't change anything. You will have to do some drastic things (such as SA) in order to overcome this...

Thanks Installed, you're really coming through for me today!

What Im trying to say, and its difficult to put in words, is that I often have the feelings of lust just take over me (where I feel like I cant stop myself from acting out.) But now, even though Im not having those feelings, I WANT to have them. Which sounds messed up I know. But how can I ever fight the lust if even when those taivos are gone I want them back??  Hopefully SA will address that as well...

EDIT: Basically, I just realized this - when the lust is gone I still want it back - so it comes out the lust is not acting as the cause of this addiction, but rather is a symptom - something else is causing me to want it and the addiction back.

lol its late so that might make no sense. Just a thought

But doesn't that desire draw you to a point where you can't go back (and at that point, aren't you out of control) ? I hate comparing this addiction to alcohol addiction because there are obviously so many differences but I think that it makes sense here. I think that an alcoholic feels fine while sober but the great feeling of alcohol draws him/her back to the bar. Once s/he smells the alcohol, there is no going back. Isn't that a typical behavior of an alcoholic? Bottom line is that we act out even though we don't want to. If we truly believe that we want to stop (for whatever reason) we have to look at the bottom line and we are acting out, bottom line.

I'm tired as well, hope this makes sense. 

100% with you on that. And I was even thinking of the same alcohol analogy also! You're seriously amazing today

I'm really enjoying your questions  . You are more of a thinker than I am and your questions make me think...

Thanks.

Yes, 8:30am est.

I think, if we didn't WANT to act out, then we wouldn't.

INTELLECTUALLY, we know we SHOULDN'T.  But EMOTIONALLY, we WANT to.

--Eye.

Hi MovingUp, I'm the admin... I was away for a few days.

Please download our updated handbook here: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/TU/Guard%20Your%20Eyes%20Handbook.pdf

If you read it through, you'll find what it takes to beat this.

Hi guys,

Not sure how active this forum still is - I haven't been here in ~4 months.

I need some help. Thanks
MovingUp

Moving...

This forum has been growing by leaps and bounds!

Welcome Back!

Thanks!

I need some help and I'm ready to do what it takes. I had some major emunah issues in the past stopping me but Boruch Hashem those are gone and  I'm ready now. I want this addiction to lust out of my life ASAP

I've been gone for a while so I feel like I need to give a new intro to what's been going on in my life.

So I've had real serious  fundamental emunah issues that I've been working on for the past months. When these questions started I was sure my life as a frum jew was over - I didn't believe in the torah, hashem, anything. That played a huge role in making me leave this site was well. My questions were also not the usual type that (unfortunately) many frum people have. So it took a long time and much effort to find answers but b'h, eventually I did.

"Finally," I thought, " I can focus on developing a real relationship with Hashem." I was really excited. And it was great... until the lust came back. Today alone I fell twice. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I see a pretty girl, hear a comment with even a slightly sexual theme and I, I just lose it - dirty thoughts keep running through my head. And not only do I get turned on by the slightest trigger, but when the thoughts and feelings are gone, I often want them back.  I don't know who Hashem views me with all of this but I feel pathetic. I worked so hard on these emuna issues, really to get close to Hashem, and then once I overcame those issues I keep reading, viewing and thinking about filth.

I have K9 but I have more then enough material to  access even with it. This has been going on for over 12 years.  I just want it to stop

Look,

You have to be realistic. Behavioral patterns which were ingrained over 12 years aren't going to disappear overnight even after having cleared up your emunah issues; which I am happy -for you -that you did.

It's going to be hard, but it's worth it.

IMHO it would be a good idea for you to carefully reread the GYE Handbook -particularly the section which empirically explains how the 90 day journey works to eliminate the old neuron paths as long as we stay clean.

And most importantly -KOT, KOT, and KOT!

Elazar ben Durdayah

It’s great to have you back.

What you have been going through is actually quite normal and quite healthy.
I had a discussion once about why so many Jews have strayed and why there are so many returning.
I can’t remember where it was, but we found a source that said that just before moshiach comes there will be a lot of people that are pushed away from H”, so that they return on their own free will. This gives people that would otherwise have spent their entire life in a frum environment the opportunity to choose if they want to be frum or not and they then own that decision.
For example, keeping Shabbos in a frum home where one does not have a choice does not really prove much; but choosing to keep Shabbos is a huge thing.
Also, sometimes, we lack the basics, the foundations, and we only do what we are told, this could leave a person feeling empty.
But taking a few steps back, like when we start the amidah, gives us room to move forward, even if we end up where we started, we got there on our own effort.

Every step you take forward, from your lowest point, is a huge merit to you.
About three years ago, I made a list of all the things I want to change in my life, and I davened to Hashem to help me, tears streaming down my face the entire time.
And what happened – suddenly all my problems got worse.
A little bit of anger became a lot of anger, a bit of lusting and occasional prn usage became a daily problem.
The best thing Hashem could do for me was to magnify all my problem areas to awaken me and make me work on them.
It’s like he said to me “So, you want to work on your anger, I’ll help you by showing you where you get angry; You want to work on lust? I’m going to push you to rock bottom so that you realise you are an addict”
What made it very difficult for me was that I was taking on too much at once.

Why did we go down into Egypt? To hit rock bottom and work our way up, to merit the redemption. That’s probably what’s happening to us right now?
When Moshe went to Paroh, our burdens got worse, not better.
Many Jews found it difficult to leave Egypt and how many times did they complain on the way to Eretz Yisrael?
Those are growing pains, it will get easier soon, but best of all, they are a sign that we are on our way out of this mess!

ben durdayah wrote on 18 Jan 2011 09:28:


Thanks for your post! But to clarify one point I didn't think that solving my emuna problems would solve the lust problems. I just mean that now that I want to connect to Hashem, the lust problems bother me even more as I really feel that they are blocking me from doing that. I'm going to get looking at the Handbook thanks

Dear Moving Up, You are a true hero. Against all odds you keep getting up from the floor ring to try again-you must realize that if you wouldn't be such a grreat unbelievable jew, then you wouldn't even care to try changing your habbits- do you know what non-special people do in your place? Nothing, they have a good time and do it with others! you think i'm joking?trust me on this one. R' Durdaya's one hund' % right that it'll take you some time to get things at least stable, settled out. I am replying really to s/thing else you wrote earlier-u said you don't know how Hashem views you? So i'll tell you-when a guy like you, down so low like you claim, has a ratzon to climb so high, then A)Tanya says that your effort "gives H-shem the power" to take down the whole sitra achra-only you can do this, more than anyone else! B)When a person sinks so low and then rectifies himself, he raises up evryone on his level who doesn't have such motivation-and only he can do this-because some ppl are too low 4 tzaddikim to reach, this is from sefer shomer emunim from besh"t C)Hshem views you as one of greatest people in the door and i mean it-Tomar devorah says the harder it is for s/o to stop aveira doing, and yet he still tries, Hshem loves him MORE THAN THE TZADDIKIM, and that's what it means by "bimakom sheba'alei tshuva omdim, afeelu tzaDDIKIM GEMURIM AINUM YECHOLIM LAAMOD SHAM".
You are therefor one of greatest people i will ever meet! Thank you for this honor and stay strong soldier!  ("NEVER GIVE UP,EVER,EVER,EVER,OR EVER!)